Afraid to say the wrong thing? Afraid that you’ll be judged?

afraid to say the wrong thingI have been puzzled by the experience from students’ huge emotional response to

  1. getting to the coaching calls
  2. answering my questions
  3. wondering if they did the right homework

When I asked them what the feeling was, ultimately the answer was: they were afraid to say the wrong thing. They were afraid of me.

It didn’t make sense to me. As a coach I want you to get on the call and have something that you are wrong or stupid about: that is what coaching is: if you are already great, what is the sense of getting coaching? Yeah, but…
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Talk Back To Me: How shall I take sarcasm directed at me?

Talk Back To Me: How shall I take sarcasm directed at me?

The holidays quickly approaching, this is a very timely topic to deal with: the sarcasm, or sarcastic remarks of the people you meet: instead of holiday cheer, love etc. you need to deal with poison coming through sarcasm. How do you do it? This article will help to look at it differently and save yourself from grief.

Hey Sophie,

I hope you are well.

I’m wondering if you could help me to clarify something?

I’m trying to understand sarcasm.

The Irish people are generally quite sarcastic, it’s called ‘slagging’ here. I think, in general, one is supposed to be able to laugh at himself or answer back in similar manner.

But most of times I don’t really know how to react to it, it’s hurtful sometimes.. and I guess I don’t really know if I’m overreacting? Should I just observe the origin of MY hurt or try to see why perhaps the other person is veiling mockery, i.e. observe THEIR hurt?

It seems to me that there are different kinds of sarcasm, or I just don’t understand the definition of it.

I can give you the examples that got me wondering about this.

The other day I felt I was sort of ‘attacked’ 3 times within about 10 minutes. All those situations were concealed to be funny but I only either felt confused or hurt.

(to make sense you have to hear the things said in sarcastic tone)

    1. I called into see my in-laws to ask if they could mind my son for about an hour. My father-in-law was there and as we walked in he remarked ‘this is becoming your second home, is it?’. (In the last three weeks or so we’ve had 1-2 dinners a week there, every time invited.) I felt confused.
    2. I bumped into my brother-in-law and he went on a laughing rant about me being the scrooge, cheapskate, anti-spirit of christmas and so on, because for the second year in a row now I don’t want to take part in buying/receiving christmas presents between the adults. I think it’s for the kids. I guess I felt sort of embarrassed and hurt.
    3. I was talking to my hubby, saying I couldn’t find any hoover bags in the shop and an old acquaintance overheard me and commented ‘I didn’t know you hoovered’. I guess my house is dirty 😀 I felt a little annoyed.

sarcasmI was sort of left speechless in all of these situations and it left me feeling uneasy and wondering. I could, too, be easily sarcastic back but I don’t really want to because it feels like that I’m just being mean then. And if I don’t feel like laughing about it, should I just be quiet or straight confront them?

And I suppose this all comes to the fact that I’m really quite clueless how to interact with people. Where should I put my attention to? Observe my emotions, or theirs, or both?

I’m sorry for the long email. It’s just really boggling my mind today. It feels like the answer is right there but I don’t see it.

Thank you for taking your time to read this.

All the best,
name withheld for privacy (client from Ireland)

Wonderful question, thank you.

Let’s look at sarcasm first, and then we’ll look at how to take it, so it is useful, instead of hurtful… ok?

In my view, sarcasm is a sign that straight communication is not happening. Sometimes it is cultural: some cultures don’t do straight talk, and it seems Irish is like that. And other times it is a personal cowardice, the hallmark of Soul Correction 25… interestingly.

25 (Speak your mind) is a coward, and behaves cowardly. Straight talk requires courage, and straight talk requires a capacity that is one of the 13 capacities included in the DNA upgrade: responsibility.

When you do straight talk, you communicate your opinion to another person as your opinion, and you are willing to take the response, the wrath, or the grief… whatever is coming. So people who don’t have the capacity of responsibility resort to sarcasm: they can always say they were joking.

lazinessIt is always a lie: they NEVER joke, they mean it, and it is a communication. It is not straight, it is not constructive, it is not helpful, it is like a poisonous arrow “accidentally” sent your way to hurt.

So we can say: being sarcastic is being cowardly, unwilling to be responsible, unwilling to be helpful, unwilling to be constructive, and hurtful.

It is the sign of a cowardly, powerless, weak individual.

Now, let us look how someone who isn’t living on the pedestrian level takes a sarcastic remark:

  1. They accept it as a feedback. Which means they are willing to get the gist of the communication, and not the poison of it.
  2. They look at the communication as the point of view of the speaker or someone close to them.
  3. sarcasm and feedbackThey look at what is true about the communication and take responsibility for that.Ultimately, for a person living above the pedestrian level sarcastic remarks are a valuable feedback to navigate in the world of people.

I know it is hard to be with not being welcome, and not being well thought of in your community, but it seems that is your reality right now. You have earned barely passing grades socially.

So what?

If you want to be widely loved and appreciated (a waste of time in my view) then start working on that.

If you just want to be happy and fulfilled, decide that other people’s opinion about you is their business…

What is missing that your life is not changing?

What is missing that your life is not changing?

What is missing that you aren’t changing? What is missing that your life is not changing?

Missing refers to something not present. There is no ‘missing’ in reality… but in comparison you can see that one scenario it is there, in another it isn’t. Continue reading “What is missing that your life is not changing?”

New Age Myth Busting: Abundance, Manifesting, and other positive stuff

tikkunNew Age teachers say that we live in a world of abundance. Law of Attraction people say the same.

Now, it may be true, to some degree, but it is not necessarily a good thing for a normal human 1

We live in the physical world. We have physical bodies, and our survival is physical, depending on physical resources that other humans, other physical bodies are in competition for.

Now, is that a good thing? Is the sky a good thing? Is the earth a good thing? It’s a stupid question: it is neither good, nor bad, it is just what’s so.
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Talk back to me: why is my vibration so low? I meditate, I try to be heart-centered…

Here is an actual conversation in email, over time.

Me, after measuring the person’s vibration

Your vibration is 150.

Person

Thank you Sophie. I think maybe I have been drinking too much wine lately. Would that affect it? I also have had a bit of sad news about a family member. I will consider the HOE when I have a better chance to look at the website later.

Am I ready for the DNA upgrade?

Continue reading “Talk back to me: why is my vibration so low? I meditate, I try to be heart-centered…”

The ability to care, the ability to love: you don’t want it

The ability to care, the ability to love: you don’t want it

The ability to care, the ability to love: why is it that people don’t want it?

Why would a large majority of the human population refuse to receive the DNA upgrade?

In conversations with students, without ever asking their opinion about this, I have formed a view about the reasons why someone would not want the capacities included in the DNA upgrade of September 4.

It is hard to fathom… after all if you have more capacities, you can live more, love more, have more, enjoy more… but no, reality doesn’t work the way of my imagination, not at all.

The easiest it is to see this unwillingness when we look at the capacities of love and caring.

Most of humanity lives in a state I call “driftwood.”
Continue reading “The ability to care, the ability to love: you don’t want it”

The Capacity Of Having: The Most Important Capacity Of All

buddha had the capacity of having, the capacity of allowingThis article will leave you disbelieving that I know you at all… after all you think you know yourself.

But if you allow me to crack the dense bubble you live in, just a little bit, and show you how exercising this capacity will change your life to the better, maybe, and just maybe, you will allow me to get the work done with you…

Why would you resist? Because we all think of having stuff, having love, having capacities, having everything, but we have no idea what having is. But having is possessing, and not doing… and therein lies the mischief.
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The desire to lord over others vs. the desire to lord over oneself. Updated

The biggest problem with humanity is the unwillingness to face the truth, face darkness, and that is the cause of humanity’s descent to darkness. False security, unsuspecting, childlike, sheep.

I am not a time traveler, so I can only use my faculties to know, to recognize, to think logically, to compare… to intuit the truth about the past and therefore the present.

My finding is that humans, whatever DNA group they belong to, would never have evolved to the peak of consciousness in the Universe, if they didn’t always have that tiny little bit of inner light setting them right in the last moment.

Through ages of slaughter, and hunger, and misery, and hope and dividedness, somehow they always found a way to survive and to grow.

According to findings, my fantasies (I call them fantasies because I have no proof positive that it actually happened, though a lot of facts point in the same direction) humanity has had four previous generations that were born, grew, and annihilated themselves or got annihilated.

We are generation five.
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Human DNA, DNA upgrade… What the heck is a DNA upgrade?

Human DNA, DNA upgrade… What the heck is a DNA upgrade?

dna upgradeHuman DNA, DNA upgrade… did you get it? Did you want to get it? What the heck is DNA upgrade?

For most of my life I knew I did not care. But no matter how bad that felt, I still could not care. I thought I was the worst person alive, a bad bad bad person. I was sure everybody else could care, only I could not.

I didn’t know, that caring was not part of my DNA.

But as I was raising my vibration, at some point I experienced caring. In a way I invented caring.

Maybe I wasn’t the first person to care, but I was now part of a very small minority. The people who can care, who can love, who can respect. But I still didn’t know I was different. I thought I just became like everyone else, finally. Continue reading “Human DNA, DNA upgrade… What the heck is a DNA upgrade?”

What happens if and when you fall in love or are in relationship with someone, whose DNA is not like yours? Do opposites attract?

opposites-attractIn my inquiry into this dangerous jungle of different DNA’s within the human race, I started to see the need to work with people, one on one.

Yesterday I lucked out: I had a new client for another business of mine, who is the perfect person with the perfect history to work on and maybe test these issues: What happens if and when you fall in love or are in relationship with someone, whose DNA is not like yours?

Our guy, let’s call him Chad, met a woman some 16-17 years ago. Chad is a scientist and so is his beloved.

Chad is on a crossroads of sort: he needs to decide whether to take this relationship to the next level. It’s been rocky, so he is hesitant. Intimacy has been lacking in the relationship as well. It seems that opposites attract…
Continue reading “What happens if and when you fall in love or are in relationship with someone, whose DNA is not like yours? Do opposites attract?”