Why Knowing Yourself Is The Foundation Of Personal Growth

Originally posted 2011-05-20 13:15:08.

Know thyself… said the Greeks, and I can’t agree more.

Unless you are clear about where you are, what are your limitations, what are your inner pulls (conation), your results in life will be puny, in every area of life.

Know Thyself If men would search diligently their own minds, and examine minutely their thoughts and actions, they would be more cautious in censuring the conduct of others, as they would find in themselves abundantly sufficient cause for reproof. “It is a good horse that never stumbles;” and lie is a good man indeed who cannot reproach himself with numerous slips and errors.” “Every bean has its black,” and every man his follies and vices.

The adage also teaches us to set a proper value upon ourselves, and to be careful not to do anything that may degrade us. It is not known to whom we are indebted for this golden rule; we only learn that it is of very long standing, and was held in such high estimation by the ancients, that it was placed over the doors of their temples, and it was also supposed by them, that ” E coelo descen- dit,” it came down from heaven. ” ‘Man know thyself!’ tins precept from on high Came down, imagined by the Deity; Oh! be the words indelibly imprest On the live tablet of each human breast.

But how do you Know Yourself? Know yourself as others know yourself? Know about yourself? Know what psychologist made up as a category for yourself? Do the test that was devised for testing privates sent to fight in the VietNam war?

People want to know themselves to make it easier to win… to make it easier to beat bad habits. To justify why they are the way they are.

My experience (as a coach, 30 years and thousands of people), has been that you do best when you know your machine. Your machine has a bent… an inclination, and if you know it you can be successful… with any machine.

Some 30 years ago I had a car I didn’t have to lock, because only I could drive it. It would stall for everyone else. I drove it another 100 thousand miles. I got it after the previous owner gave up on it. It had 160 thousand miles on it.

The knowledge: know yourself, here, with that car, applied to the car and myself, together. The car was seriously flawed… but no one could have guessed from the outside, when I drove it.

I have dyslexia, serious, but I read one or two books every week. I also write for a living.

I had two major episodes of brain damage: you wouldn’t know it. I know how to drive my machine.

My soul correction is arrogance and condescension. It’s taken me longer to drive my life with these horrible afflictions, but knowing it made it possible.

When you know all the quirks of your machine, when you know what is your unscratchable itch, when you know what the machine will do unless you compensate for it, you can take your machine anywhere, any heights, any distance, any achievement.

As you work to grow in different areas in you life, it is important to really know yourself. The concept of not knowing yourself may sound preposterous to some people, but hear me out. Because we live such hectic lives, it is important to take time to become reacquainted with ourselves. It is very easy to get so focused on living life that we lose ourselves in the hustle and the bustle. With every phase in life, we change and evolve, and if all goes as planned, we should not be the same person we were five years ago. This is not to say that everything about us has to change, but it is perfectly natural and healthy to mature and grow in different areas.

Knowing yourself can help you improve your work ethic because you can really understand your limitations and know when you are pushing yourself too hard. If you are a self starter like me, you would probably work for 24 hours a day if you could. In fact, you’ve probably had to make yourself step away from your work one more than one occasion. While this self starting attitude is a good thing, it can also be a problem. If you aren’t careful, your desire for success can drive others away from you and actually ruin relationships. You may be thinking, “I thought we were supposed to be able to accomplish everything.” That is true, but sometimes you can bite of much more than you can chew, and running yourself into the ground to accomplish goals in not healthy. The beauty of accomplishing goals and achieving personal growth is discovering the balance of work and play.

While it is important to know your limits, knowing yourself helps you to know what you can’t accomplish as well as what you can accomplish. Many times, people don’t push themselves to accomplish real goals simply because thy think don’t think they’ll be successful. Once you really know yourself, you will know what you can accomplish. However, if you never try, you’ll never know how much you can truly accomplish.

When you know yourself, it is easier to keep yourself motivated. It you met someone for the first time, and they asked you to encourage them without giving you any details about their life, you would have a hard time encouraging them. By being aware of the types of things that keep you motivated, you will be less likely to reach that rock bottom point where you feel like your world is crumbling around you. It is best to constantly encourage and motivate yourself as your grow and mature.

How do you react to disappointment? What do you do when you’re sad? How often do you need to take time to truly relax? In order to maintain balance in your life, you have to constantly ask yourself these types of questions. Not only do you need to know yourself in order to have a strong foundation for personal growth, but you also have to be willing to motivate yourself when things are less than ideal.

Just ask “What is it I don’t know? What is it I don’t see?”

You can follow me down the rabbit hole. You can do it… The only question is: will you think it worth your while?

I know I have said it before, lots of times, but I will say it again, but slightly differently this time. So bear with me: the reward will be unbelievable!

When something isn’t working, there is something you don’t know.

Said in another way:

When something isn’t working (the way you expected it to work), you can be sure that there is something you don’t know or can’t see.

Unfortunately to you, when you hear this sentence, you will never think about your mindset. You’ll never think that your thinking is wrong. That your life philosophy is wrong. Continue reading “Just ask “What is it I don’t know? What is it I don’t see?””

Words, hands, facts, numbers. Which is your bailiwick?

One of the emails I never fail to read, and never fail to benefit from in some way is the Monday Morning Memo.

What I like about it, and you probably would hate, judging from many YOUR choices which of my emails to read… What I like most about the Monday Morning Memo, is that it is a sideways view. Sideways from my view.

And as every sideways view the Memo shows the world different from ordinary. Just differently enough so it enriches. Enriches my world, allows me to be happier, more productive with more ease. So it delights me.

I really really love that. My insides purr. Continue reading “Words, hands, facts, numbers. Which is your bailiwick?”

What can you do to finally become worth a damn?

I am continuing the “fire in the belly” concept from the previous article

I am what you would call a “quickstart”…
Although conation (Kathy Kolbe’s testing method, most interested in how you do things) measures something innate, like it’s your nature, it can also give you indication about where you are leaking fire. When I look at people and their conation chart, the Kolbe index, I can see how they stay the same, how they avoid discomfort, how they dampen their fire.

Continue reading “What can you do to finally become worth a damn?”

Many ways to be stuck: people who move are all alike

all-happy-familiesThis is paraphrasing the famous Leo Tolstoy quote: ‘All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.’ This is the Anna Karenina principle… As all principles do, it applies to many, maybe even all areas of life. A principle is the same as a distinction… I say.

There are only about 50 different ways to get stuck… and your way is just one or two of those.
Continue reading “Many ways to be stuck: people who move are all alike”

The hardest pull to resist is the pull of your “how” nature. Or what type of activity you rush into… headfirst…

actions-over-wordsThe hardest pull to resist is the pull of your “how” nature. Or what type of activity do you rush into… headfirst… That activity can be four kinds… four conative types, four types of conative actions… reading, planning, action, and execution.

Scientific name for your “how” is Conation. It is innate, and it is NOT changeable.

Regardless… I have been looking at taming my own… I find that it is not tamable. It is what it is.

But I have come to suspect that what you do after you do what your Conation makes you do is when the magic happens.

You see, all people belong to three types. People who make things happen, people who watch things happen, and people who wonder what happened. But all three types will, if you ask them, explain why they did what they did… and it will be all a lie. A big fat lie. Continue reading “The hardest pull to resist is the pull of your “how” nature. Or what type of activity you rush into… headfirst…”

Knowledge, Strategy, Execution, is that enough for success?

michael-jordan-mental-representationI lead a workshop on Sunday. I had knowledge, I had strategy. I executed it. It was sloppy. What was missing?

I didn’t know. But ‘god’ works in mysterious ways, the book I am reading has an answer that shows me what has been missing for me on Sunday and all my life.

The book, Peak, the new science of expertise, calls it Mental Representation. Continue reading “Knowledge, Strategy, Execution, is that enough for success?”

Self-Discipline and Brilliance: what is the connection?

I wrote this article in 2013… My self-discipline/attention was 10% then. I have grown since then, but what I write here is still OK… although I have found conation not being innate…

It is still worth reading.

Brilliance: what is it, and how is it connected to the Original Design, your vibration, and your worldview?

If you have been borderline a failure, but you think you are smart, this may be the article that you need to find your brilliance and your power to act on it.

I play the Self-Discipline Avatar State audio in the background. 24/7.

I am dealing with several issues, among others I eat the way a chain smoker smokes: from the moment I get up till the moment I go go bed. There is always something in my mouth, food, or tea, or water. It is a defense mechanism to the onslaught of feelings I have difficulty dealing with, given that they have nothing to do with me, they come from other people.

I would like to restrict my eating to a few hours a day. Why? To demonstrate my power over my behavior. And I could use dropping a few pounds, eh, about 10 or so. I am having the hardest time, though with the self-discipline audio it is a tad easier. I have already dropped 10 lbs, that’s why I have only 10 more to go.

Yesterday I had an insight:

conative_peoplethe self-discipline audio activates the self first, and then it activates your ability to learn new things, new ways of being, new ways of doing thing. I have no idea what that means to you, but I’ll tell you what I have been noticing.

I am a quick-start by nature, shoot first, no thinking.

A jumping jack. I have been taming it, or better said, I have been trying to tame it. It cuts an awful lot of work out when I take a moment or two to look first. Not look and look and think and think, just look. Much like in PhotoReading, you don’t quite look at the pages, you look behind them, and make your eyes fuzzy.

What sees the pages is not your conscious mind, it is your ‘other than conscious mind‘ and it is faster than your conscious mind by far. It is very different from what you call ‘mind’, the other than conscious mind doesn’t try to understand or evaluate, or compare, or opinionate about what it sees, it just gets it, it just sees it and that’s it. This is what I always ask you to use on my live calls, so far to no avail 🙁

When I can successfully nudge myself to look at what’s in front of me that way, the inner guidance, the inner knowing gets really strong, and I can do no wrong…

But my soul correction is trust based, specifically: I have no trust  🙁

So I need to nudge myself to look before I leap.

The interesting thing I see is that I don’t need to change myself, I only need to sneak in that brief moment of not-looking-type-looking, the other than conscious mind looking, so I don’t jump into the rocks or an empty swimming pool.

What does this have to do with brilliance? A whole lot.

In my definition, brilliance is being guided by that ‘other than conscious’ that knows it all. But it can only do its work when you know and honor your base nature.

Kathy Kolbe calls your base nature your conation. Conation is your motive power. It just works differently in all of us.

Your conative energy, your native and unchangable nature of how you get things done, how you solve problems, is largely ignored in today’s science, behavioral psychology, business training, everywhere.

Every person thinks that every other person on the planet is like them, from the point of view of how to solve things. Big mistake.

Education, formal education forces you to use a conative energy, a strength that you may not have. Your family, your workplace, they all force you to be differently than you are. That includes your coaches, your guidance counselor, your psychiatris, your case worker.

Kathy Kolbe created four clear classes for this innate energy. These are the classes:

conativeconnection1. Fact Finder
2. Follow Through
3. Quick Start
4. Implementer

Inside these classes you can be
a. Insistent
b. Accommodating
c. Resistant

You can be anywhere on this insistent-resistant continuum in any of the four classes… not the same in all four classes.

If we said that you have 20 units of creative energy, that is what you have to work with, you distribute that 20 units of energy according to your conative nature… and you are best performing when you are allowed to chose tasks and jobs and methods that closely match your nature.

I am a quick-start by nature, and I have a mild resistance/I am barely accommodating in most other modes: I can use them, but I don’t enjoy using them. I don’t enjoy research, I don’t enjoy follow up and systematization, and definitely don’t enjoy creating stuff, including videos, models, charts, etc. That’s why I hated architecture, by the way. For 22 years… lol.

Now, if you are having difficulty getting started in any new thing, if you think fear is stopping you, if you live a life of quiet desperation, then just knowing how you roll, so to say, knowing your Kolbe index, is a lifesaver and a potential turning point.

I have a lot of students who think that they are procrastinators. When you think of yourself as a procrastinator, you hate yourself. You despise yourself, You can’t have high self-esteem, self-respect. You think you should be different, that you are all wrong, and you despair.

If you are one of these people, I recommend two things: start using the self-discipline activator, and after a while you will feel the pull of the self, to start doing things your way. Because your way works for you. Because your way is where there is the most harmony between your nature and your actions.

And if you want an even faster path, to know what is your nature, order your Kolbe Conative Index, the A index. The site, kolbe.com has a ton of information.

Once you buy it, book a 15-minute session with me… I’ll help you understand it… to the best of my knowledge.

It’s hard to be silently brilliant, lots of thought occur when you open your mouth…

Make sure you send me the four digit konan number you got, example 4493. That is mine…

More on why you can’t succeed alone: process, followup

follow through aka systemsI just realized something: following an already established process, going step by step, is a whole different capacity than creating one.

I am weak at both, but I am literally unwilling to spend my limited energies to create a process.

The resistance is so strong, my neck and shoulders are hurting.

What is that about?

There are a lot of ways to analyze humans and their behaviors, and one of them is through conation, which is a, I guess, Latin word for inclination, or inner nature.

Kathy Kolbe created a few tests and she says that the amount of initiative, the amount of energy to start something is finite, and everyone’s can be divided to 20… so far so good, I hope.

The four drastically different ways to approach something, to initiate something are
Continue reading “More on why you can’t succeed alone: process, followup”

Soul Correction and sexuality

Soul Correction and sexuality

This topic is just beginning to emerge for me, so expect some changes, and wild turns, and summary statements reversed… but yet it is worth exploring, it is worth to take this winding road to discover the connection, and do some soul-searching as to what I really hold true, and also to meditate what the “Original Design” holds as ideal blueprint for a human… Big task, but I am up or it.

I am going to examine it through three soul correction archetypes, for now, Forget Thyself, (34) Soul Mates, (28) and Sexual Energy (35).

I am starting to see enough of these to be able to say something that may make a difference. I am also tempted to pull in “Speak Your Mind” (25)… we’ll see. Don’t hold your breath.

OK, let’s begin… big sigh, fear, oh, what the heck, the worst can ever be is the article won’t be publishable, lol.

OK, First let’s look what’s this sexual energy is… well, from its name it should be clear: it is an energy. It is a drive.
Continue reading “Soul Correction and sexuality”