What is the button I could push that would make you do what you need to do to grow?

why is there no big red button?Today was my errands day. It is also the only day during the week when I talk to anyone.

And as you know, talking when I have echo, someone who hears me is the most meaningful activity for me.

I did have private clients for massage, and I did it for 16 years… Giving a massage is not meaningful for me. So I picked and chose, and filtered, and screened the people that wanted a massage: If I didn’t feel that there will be a meaningful conversation, that I would be heard, I didn’t take them as a client.

Hey, it’s my life, and my fulfillment is what it is supposed to be organized around.

I am unabashed that what is important to me is the most important thing for me, bar none.

So being more influential, hearing more echo from you is always on my mind, because it is not working. Not working for me.
Continue reading “What is the button I could push that would make you do what you need to do to grow?”

There is no secret to raising your vibration

There is no secret to raising your vibration

There is no secret, no secret ingredient to raising your vibration, to become an expanding human being.

For those of you who have been making ever tightening circles around the secret, you may call it the Truth, this article will be first a big let-down. A disappointment. Continue reading “There is no secret to raising your vibration”

How, what you don’t know that you don’t know, is biting you… and you can’t see what bit you without help

youDontKnowYouDontKnowHow, what you don’t know that you don’t know, is biting you… and you can’t see what bit you without help

If I asked you what it is that you don’t know that you don’t know… no matter how long you looked, you would not see anything, because it is either that you don’t know or the question is stupid.

But everything that is missing for you to know is in that: what you don’t know that you don’t know.

The question is: is there a way to see what you don’t know that you don’t know? The answer is: yes… other people’s blind spots are different from yours.

And then some people specialize in that area…

Malcolm Gladwell is the guy who you want to look at for many of the “We didn’t know that we didn’t know” cultural blind spots.
Continue reading “How, what you don’t know that you don’t know, is biting you… and you can’t see what bit you without help”

What else you need to know about the capacity: flexibility?

What else you need to know about the capacity: flexibility?

Oak-reedWhat else do you need to know about the capacity: flexibility?

In a recent article I pit reed-mode against oak-mode.

I call one flexible and the other inflexible or stuck.

But there is more to it.

Reed

  1. Reed can be blown in any direction, and it doesn’t resist
  2. Reed will return to its neutral state once the wind stops blowing. It knows what it is, and it returns there. It’s a natural state of growth, happiness and peace.

Sometimes you think you are a reed, because you are blown, in one direction: misery. But you are mistaken.
Continue reading “What else you need to know about the capacity: flexibility?”

The process of going from hopeless to energized and in action: limbering up, becoming flexible

hopeless man... as bad as being homelessAbout 50% of mornings I wake up depressed, hopeless, and regretting that I woke up at all.

Why would that be? Because my view of my life is stuck in a particular vantage point, you could call negative.

And those mornings, with the exception of a few, I look around for ways to unstuck myself. Not because I believe I can… but because I learned to do that.

This morning I read the Monday Morning Memo… and was inspired to write my own based on the same general idea.

I had no idea that I can do it, I had no idea if it would take me anywhere: I had the flexibility to do it.

Did I know it was going to unstuck me? Not really. And it did…

Something similar I do every morning. Sometimes I have to do it over and over and over, sometimes I get swept away by the joy of expressing myself…

And rarely, nowadays, I indulge my hopelessness for a day or two.
Continue reading “The process of going from hopeless to energized and in action: limbering up, becoming flexible”

Meaningful life is what you want? Let’s see how you can get that…

meaningoflifePeople who have meaningful work, want to work more… they work willingly, study willingly, grow willingly. 1

What could you do to steal meaning into your life? So you can have a meaningful life?

The new year is coming. It is customary to make inventory, and to set direction for the new year around this time of the year… even though you are busy planning for Christmas.

Christmas is the right time… With your Observer, with your Witness, watch your level of abundance, your level of grace and ease, your level of love with the people whom you profess to love.

What people want the most is a meaningful life. A life that makes sense, on a moment to moment way, where it is worth doing what you are doing because the direction it is taking you is worth going.

Life is full of transactions.

Lots of transactions on any given day.

A meaningful life is full of meaningful transactions.
Continue reading “Meaningful life is what you want? Let’s see how you can get that…”

The most difficult capacity to master brings the most benefits… of course

validation invalidation bilocation capacityAccording to Malcolm Gladwell: life skills, social skills, winning skills you learn through living with people who use them.

My mother didn’t have them, and my brothers, especially my younger brother didn’t get them…

I did get some from my father: my father came from deep… his mother died of starvation, he was bounced between families, autodidact: getting an education without going to school, walking from one country to the other to save his skin…

I didn’t see any of that. What I saw was him spending almost all his time writing or reading, and advancing himself.

Others, the rest of the family, could watch senseless TV… he wasn’t pulled by that: he knew what he wanted, and it seems that he knew that TV won’t get him there.

If you ever wondered how come I could pull myself away from family and society’s pleasures: I saw it done, and I knew it can be done. I never saw that my father suffered any ill effects from it. 2
Continue reading “The most difficult capacity to master brings the most benefits… of course”

The real causes of success and the real causes of no success

galdwell1The majority of people, in fact about 99% of all people, live a life of quiet or not so quiet desperation.
80% of my readers also belong to that majority.

I’d like to address this article to the 20% that is not willing to live a life of quiet or not so quiet desperation, the 20% that is willing to put themselves on the hook for a better life, for growing, for taking risks, for a life worth living.

The theories of success, the books on success, the psychology of success, the technology of success you come across on the internet, in seminars, in books is totally ineffective, useless, and will never and has never changed anyone’s life, anyone’s behavior.
Continue reading “The real causes of success and the real causes of no success”

Why don’t you use the new stuff you buy to better yourself?

Why don’t you use the new stuff you buy to better yourself?

1103382595902154989i3uvnxmcWhy don’t you use the new stuff you buy, your new course, your new capacity?

What happens when you get anything new?

Is it always good news?

After all it’s shiny, after all it’s new… and yet… you are not using it.

Why? Are you crazy?

No, actually you may be intelligent.

New things, a new relationship, a new baby, a new job are disruptive to your current life… disruptive is a good word to use here.

And you are not ready to disrupt, you are not willing to be disrupted.

Why fix something that is not broken?
Continue reading “Why don’t you use the new stuff you buy to better yourself?”

In life you are either a nerd or a floater, a producer or a second-hander

In life you are either a nerd or a floater, a producer or a second-hander
nerd or floaterAre you a nerd or a floater?

One description I found on the internet is this: a NERD is an individual of vast intelligence and curiosity coupled with a natural knack for academics and discovery.

You not only appreciate technology, biology, and all the other ‘ology’s – you know what they mean and how they work, too! While Geeks are busy flooding comic-cons and using the internet while pretending to know how it works, you are busy coding the damn internet and earning your Masters or Doctorate (if you don’t already have it/both).

Of course the terms Nerd, Geek, and Dork will always have some overlap, but your test results show an innately intelligent individual with the drive and know-how to put you behind the classic horn-rimmed glasses and pocket protector of a well-educated, deeply intellectual N-E-R-D!

I prefer to say: a nerd is someone who has a vision, a path, and skills and knowledge to follow that path faithfully, and diligently.

don't be realistic... evolve!You can be an engineer, an artist, an architect, a cook, a restaurateur, an actor, a furniture maker… and be a nerd… Am I misusing the term? Probably…. I mean, more like the hero of the movie Gattaca… where your natural abilities are magnified by your will and your diligence.

Floaters

Floaters are people who don’t do anything with their lives, or at least they don’t try to. When at work, floaterdo you notice anybody that sits around or acts like they are busy? That’s a Floater. When your girlfriend or wife complains about how nobody does anything around the house and carries on doing whatever, sorry honey you’re a Floater.

If the complainers would actually stand up and put some effort into what they are doing and try to change how they are living, then they might actually spread their wings and take flight.

Hate me? Thank you. I take it as a compliment.

In life you are either a nerd or you are a floater.

The two most important characteristics of a nerd is that they know what is most important to them, and they love it.

I always wanted to be Renaissance man, because for me, choosing, committing was the hardest. I even picked architecture because I had the illusion that architects needed to know everything. And that may be true, that they need to know everything, but it is also true, that they don’t.

And especially they don’t use words to express, and I am a words person.

So I went through five years of university and suffered through 17 years of working as an architect… until I chose and committed to a profession that needed my words…

When you know what is important to you, then it is easier to organize a life around it. Then your life becomes a workshop.

What prevents a lot of people from living a life worth living is that they don’t choose their priorities, they are chosen for them.

By other people.

You become the toothbrush, toilet brush, entertainer, janitor, shopper, dildo: a service provider for other people.

You don’t notice it until there is a conflict. Conflict of interest. Between what other people want you to be, and you want to be.

Holidays are a good time to notice: what you want from your life, doesn’t much matter around holiday time… only what you have to do, expected to do, asked to do, ought to do.

It’s not a special time: it is just easier to notice because pretty much nothing that is important to you, nothing that serves you on the long run, has room in your life around the holidays… whatever holidays, by the way… Be them state holidays or religious holidays. At holidays you find out how much control and say you have about your own life. For most that is mighty little…

Nothing wrong, they should not cancel holidays, I just want you to be awake.

Floaters have never chosen what is important to them. They don’t know. They are just thrown around by circumstances, for them there is no path holidays are trying to take them off… they have no path, no purpose, no rhyme and no reason to live.

They wake up in the morning because they didn’t die the night before.

Now, you may think that I am talking against family, and honestly a month ago I would have. But sometimes you get guided to the perfect Netflix series…

I am watching Blue Bloods, about an Irish family, top cops. Every single adult in that family knows what they are about, and yet, every Sunday they go to church together, eat together, protect each other, support each other.

I didn’t know it was possible, because I had never seen anything like that. My family surely wasn’t like it. In my own family closeness wasn’t present. Family wasn’t a priority at all. It was at the very bottom of priorities. And so it was in all families I have observed…

Or if family was important, it was important from top down, not to each person. In this type of family each person was required to give up what they individually were about, and get no support or respect if in spite of that pressure they were up to something… i.e. they were nerds.

It’s rare, or non-existent, but if they could make a series about it, then it’s possible.

I can even imagine being part of a family like that.

Now, how is a family like that is born and formed?

I think that it all comes from top down…

One person, the patriarch, I guess, was up to something, had the generosity to share what he was about, the principles, the idealism, the struggles, and it became attractive, and the ambition of the children to choose their own path, and share it.

Among people I know, sharing with their parents what you are about, and getting support is unheard of.

People get married without ever completely know and share what they are about, and then the marriage is a power struggle…

Inside my parents’ marriage that power struggle never happened, but family, love, was never present.

Somehow, my older brother and me, got infected with my father’s purposeful living… my little brother, who was still little when my father left the family, is a floater. Not up to anything.

I have been working with adults.

The results are disappointing. More often than not, the person I am working with is pulled down, pulled back to being a floater by the family.

I see that I can work till I die and not make a difference if I continue to work with adults.

So I am setting my eyes at children.

Children have more freedom, and they have a good and politically correct excuse: their school grades, their future, their future earnings, their future success.

Parents want that for their children, even if they want it for the wrong reason. And they do… they have no choice about it: unevolved parents don’t really want their children to evolve, but by the time they notice, I hope, it will be irreversible.

The goal is to create nerds, children whose first priority is what they are up to (vertical), and their second priority is a loving relationship (horizontal).

What format will I choose? I am not sure yet. What age group? I haven’t decided.

I welcome your input. Especially if you have children. Children that you’d allow to get smarter, happier, so they can have a life they love, a life where they grow.

Would you allow your child to be more than you? More evolved?

Or would you like them to be just like you but get better grades?

Please comment below, or send me an email. I’d really like to hear what you have to say.

And please don’t lie. I’ll know.

steve-jobs_thumbPS: I just finished reading a long nerd article that you do want to read if you don’t have your life’s purpose, if you are ambiguous about your life purpose… here it is… enjoy: https://www.mynotetakingnerd.com/blog/personal-improvement-secret-to-steve-jobs-success/