Not empowering: doesn’t effect your state of power.
Disempowering: Takes away your power to act well.
I said it this way in another article a year ago:
disempower is the opposite of empower. Empower means: allow and suggest that they have the power. Provide them with what they need to have the power. Disempower is taking away what you already have.
What people consider as negative self-talk or negativity is in essence disempowering talk. You have the power, innately, to do the things that your heart says you can do.
You are never given a desire that you are not equipped to fulfill… so in essence, if you don’t fulfill on your desires, it means that either your self-talk or the talk of another disempowered you: you allowed some talk to convince you that you can’t and that you should not even go for it.
Of course, in the past year I have had a lot of insights that make the LANGUAGE of that article lying, but the fact remains: words cause beingness. Self-talk causes beingness… except when it is forced on the top of some fundamental self-talk that is largely unconscious.
If you are the alpha and the omega of things, if everything is about you, then you are going to be wretched. Or if you already are, you are going to stay that way.
The job is to get out of the default context and into something more empowering.
I looked at what the context inside which I have done what I have done the past two months, and I found this: “I want to do what I want to do, and I want to continue doing what I want to do, whatever that is… without interruption. Without having to do anything for it.”
White lotus grows out of mud… and creates beauty out of it. Peacocks eat poisonous berries and create beautiful plumage out of it… This article is about how to be like the white lotus, how to be like a peacock where life, and the circumstances don’t beat you down.
So, how to be like that, unbreakable
the song, Unbreakable, is exactly the opposite of what I am teaching in this article. That whole song is imagining a perfect world with a perfect “another” where they do all the things they are supposed to do so you can feel good, so you can feel loved…
The perfect prescription for unhappiness, fear, anxiety, disappointment, frustration… because people are the way they are. Because people aren’t even willing to be the perfect person for you, because it feels like a straight jacket. If you look in your own heart: you aren’t willing… and yet you expect others to abide by your standards… ugh… ugly.
Unflappable… loving life the way it is?
There is a long long answer, and there is a short answer.
I will give you the short answer first:
learn that there is nothing wrong and nothing to fix.
learn that the horizontal way of living where everything depends on people and their opinion of you, you become like them… and you are vulnerable and a slave to their opinion, to their beck and call, and you’ll be, with tiny breaks, miserable, till you die.
There is a movie by the Indian film maker, M Night Shyamalan, starred Bruce Willis. In that movie there are two characters:
no matter what happens, he comes out of it unscathed – The Unbreakable
no matter what happens, he is broken to pieces, shatters.
If you pay attention to the unbreakable character of Bruce Willis…
…what you’ll see is a certain flowing with his environment, a conscious awareness. He feels his way through life… and that obviously gives him an edge. It is as if he walked in a bubble, and the bubble would walk with him.
Is that a story, or is that actually possible for a mere mortal? Don’t try to remember all the stuff others have told you: I want you to empty your mind of preconceived notions, and have no prejudice, either way.
Cultures where the “floor” isn’t that things should be different, that there are things right and there are things wrong, where making a mistake is just making a mistake, are much more intelligent. Far East culture is that, a certain acceptance and allowing of what is to be what is.
People’s average IQ as measured by the IQ tests is noticeably higher than in cultures like America, regardless of color or race… it is the culture of wrong, should and shouldn’t that makes people less intelligent.
The other aspect is significant in Western culture and much less present in the Far East culture is taking things personally.
I am addressing cultures where the difference in base attitude, the attitude to life, is most different.
In the Western culture, where I live, people want the world and the circumstances to change as a condition of their happiness, productivity, actions.
When people think what they want, and I have asked, no one said: I would like to be happy, fulfilled, productive, and well, regardless what life metes out to me.
The idea that you can choose your attitude and that will, in turn empower you or disempower you, is alien to the Western culture: the dominant emotions are fear, trepidation, anxiety, and frustration.
This is not true, or not yet true (things are changing!) in Far East cultures.
The emotions that are dominant, determine your experience of life. Fear, trepidation, anxiety, and frustration will reduce your coherence, your intelligence, your accuracy, your results by far. And it is double “whammy”: both your experience and your results effect your circumstances… which means those emotions are unhappiness makers.
But it is possible to create a personal bubble of “there is nothing wrong here” and remove the triggers that create the emotions, and live, largely, in a Western society as if it were a Far Eastern, and be happy, fulfilled, content, effective, productive, kind, available, and become untouchable, unbreakable, impervious to the negative influences of the culture.
How do you become unbreakable?
You need to realize that wrong is a comparison: you arbitrarily determined what should be, and you call that right. But it is your personal take, and arrogant.
It is also a pedestrian way of relating to the world: where everything and everyone seem to be in the way, blocking YOU from getting what you want, getting where you want to go, and it feels entirely personal.
A person who needs life to be easy for them to feel well is a weakling, and his or her kind will be eliminated in the evolutionary near future.
The person who is able and willing to be strong and empowered in the face that life is: random, and impersonal, is the specimen whose seed will be the basis of the next evolutionary step.
The future depends on the individual, not on the masses. The number of people that can master their nature and their attitudes are few… and the future (and the present) is theirs.
Because they can be well, present, happy, productive, intelligent, and kind in the face of whatever life throws at them.
This article is long… the original writer was probably paid for each word… In spite of my intent to edit it, I could not make it shorter.
The gist of it is that instead of using our god given ability to think to think things through, to plan, to prevent, we use it instead to worry… Worry is unproductive and makes absolutely no difference. In fact, it makes you stupid… Very stupid, unprepared, make emotional decisions, avoid action… in simple terms, to become a Shrinking Human… instead of an Expanding Human Being.
If you watched me long enough, you would probably swear that I am a procrastinator. I plan to do things, maybe I even write it down, maybe I even schedule it, and then I don’t do it for a long time, maybe ever.
I use everything for guidance. My method of guidance is one of the magicians of The Soaring Method use for guidance. (Carlos Castaneda demonstrates it well in his Journey to Ixtlan… He calls the two, signs and omen.) But the inner guide, the intelligence that you need to develop and then communicate with, the part of you that sees with 360 degree cone of vision, sees the Big Picture. Your intellect, your eyes, your mind can only see a narrow cone of vision.
Someone with a critical eye will offer you some unsolicited advice today, and you should not be afraid to hear them out. Their reputation for painful honesty should be no excuse — your feelings don’t matter when real knowledge is out there to be learned. Continue reading “What do you do that destroys your relationships?”