Approval Addiction: the main symptom of no self, no core, no courage

Approval Addiction: the main symptom of no self, no core, no courage

Statistics show that nearly 100% of the population is addicted to the approval of others, yet few of us are aware of it. And for average person with modest goals, it doesn’t really matter.

The problem arises when an ambitious person decides to build a career, business or pursue dream that requires substantial exposure to rejection. Studies show that over 80% of these people abandon their ambition within the first 12 months due to the pain of daily disapproval.

This is how Approval Addiction shatters dreams.

Approval addiction comes from the misunderstanding and the distortion of what the Tree of Life need, the need to meet the expectation of others tells you. Continue reading “Approval Addiction: the main symptom of no self, no core, no courage”

People are writing to me that they had no trauma to bring to the Sunday Feelings Webinar.

People are writing to me that they had no trauma to bring to the Sunday Feelings Webinar.

A trauma is an incident. The significance is in your emotional response, not in what happened. The same incident is no big deal for others, but it is, or was a big deal for you.

Here is an example from my life:

I went on my biweekly grocery shopping trip with the old folks van yesterday.

They asked what’s new, and I shared that I asked the Community Center to give me a chance to do a short lecture on water. The answer to that was a groan. Audible, and coming from a deep reluctance and distaste.

It wasn’t the right time to deal with it then and there, so I stored it away for analysis later.

And this is “later”… let’s do it now.

First off: the groan awakened a whole series of memories, unpleasant memories of earlier similar incidents.

Earlier similar is a technical term.

Let me explain:

When you are upset, you are never upset from or by what is happening right now. Continue reading “People are writing to me that they had no trauma to bring to the Sunday Feelings Webinar.”

Another missing piece of the healing puzzle…

Another missing piece of the healing puzzle…

chicory-endiveI learned something today. It’s a big catch. And instead of being ashamed… I am happy. Because we can all get better because of it.

I don’t know about you, but I am always surprised when I learn something new. What there is to know rarely show up as something that is missing… and most of my reading rarely results in substantial learning.

But today, I learned two major things… What a day, eh?

One I can share about, the other: I am in the middle of it, so I’ll share once I have made it instinctive part of my life.

This one, the one I can share, is about digestion and well-being.

Before today I had never heard about prebiotics. Or if I did… I must have pooh-poohed it. Just like you pooh-pooh (to express disdain or contempt for; dismiss lightly) many of the things I write… lol. Continue reading “Another missing piece of the healing puzzle…”

Afraid to make a mistake?

Afraid to make a mistake?

incoherenceThis past week almost all and every input scrambled my mind. Made me incoherent. Made me restless, and I ended up tired with nothing to show for my feverish-feeling brain activity. I even continued the activity when I slept… or when I couldn’t sleep, like last night.

Familiar? I bet it is.

You can only move forward if and when you are coherent. 1
Coherence is akin to driving a four-horse carriage… it’s powerful, and it goes where you want it to go. Continue reading “Afraid to make a mistake?”

The person who is most adaptable and willing to change..

The person who is most adaptable and willing to change..

The person who is most adaptable and willing to change is going to win in life

Changeability, adaptability: what prevents you from being changeable or adaptable so you can win?

Darwin may have said: The species that is most adaptable wins the genetic lottery. Humanity’s, society’s emphasis is on smarts, but smart people are often losers.

Groups of people survived in history if they could adapt to the changing environment, the changing of the world successfully.

This is also true for the individual who wants to be successful and live the good life. (Success in one area does not translate to the good life, where you are successful in health, wealth, love and happiness equally). Continue reading “The person who is most adaptable and willing to change..”

No man is an island. You need others if you want to succeed… How to get people on your team

No man is an island. You need others if you want to succeed… How to get people on your team

One of my students said to me: “you are like a scientist. And yet so much of your work lies in the realm of the not easily measured.

I have always had a difficulty answering the question: What do you do?

Defining what you do is important. To whom? To you: if you want support. Unless THEY know what you do, they don’t know if they are aligned with what you do or not…

It is a need and a must to “meet the expectation of others”. It is a survival need. You can’t skip it.

Depending on what stage of personal evolution you are, it may be a lot more important to you than meeting your own expectation.
Continue reading “No man is an island. You need others if you want to succeed… How to get people on your team”

Judge, Pre-judge people? It’s a cognitive bias…

Judge, Pre-judge people? It’s a cognitive bias…
blind-justice prejudiceJudge, Pre-judge people? Pre-judging is a cognitive bias… how to avoid making stupid value judgments…

Our prejudices often rob us from seeing what is in front of us.

Prejudice is a simple two-part word: pre-judge. Meaning: judge from some simple criteria, like the color of someone’s skin, the strength of their grammar, their clothing, or whether they curse or not.

And then we stop looking, because the judgment is already there: this or that.

Pre-judging is a cognitive bias, it is the mind’s attempt to save you time. It is accurate for our purposes of survival, about 60% of the time. 40% of the time it is inaccurate, and leads to stupid, self-defeating decisions.

Most people get married based on a the 40%, hire people, buy stuff, or not buy, reject perfectly good matches. Continue reading “Judge, Pre-judge people? It’s a cognitive bias…”

You’d rather die than ask for help. People should volunteer

You’d rather die than ask for help. People should volunteer

helpless-haplessAs I am observing my students they belong to two very distinguishable camps.

People who ask for help, and people who don’t.

I myself belong to the second camp. But my reasons for not asking help is different from yours… lol. Maybe.

When I look back at my childhood, I must have decided really early on that asking for help is useless. At best they say “go away”, or who do you think you are… At the worst they beat you up.

And I could use a lot of help. Especially in learning. Especially since by brain damage almost 20 years ago. Continue reading “You’d rather die than ask for help. People should volunteer”

How The Tree of Knowledge goes against nature…

How The Tree of Knowledge goes against nature…

sensations-the-need-for-a-new-scienceHow The Tree of Knowledge goes against nature… on the level of individual. Case studies

The insights of this article came from participants. The insights could not have come without participants looking at their behavior and attitude from the sensations perspective, which is the Tree of Life, working with what nature intended.

On a sidenote: I don’t think nature intended 99% of humans to be obsolete and be replaced by Artificial Intelligence. I think nature intended evolution on a more human trajectory.

But back to what we have discovered, what we have observed, what we have gleaned.

First off: I will begin calling the feelings that come through the senses: Sensations. I think that the book should be re-christened as well… but it is really not up to me.

I’ll organize the observations by the soul correction… but you may find your limiting behavior in any soul correction. Continue reading “How The Tree of Knowledge goes against nature…”

Feelings and emotions: what is the difference?

Feelings and emotions: what is the difference?

how to tell Chinese, Korean, and Japanese apart?One of the big obstacles that is in your way to growth is not being able to tell things apart, things that are different, but the difference is either subtle, or it is below the water level. Or is confusing because the names from the Tree of Knowledge use the same word for both

One of these is going to be important, so I’d like to encourage you to put some energy and effort into telling these two apart: 2

Feelings and emotions.

Why is this important? and why you want to learn what I say and not what others teach… 3 Continue reading “Feelings and emotions: what is the difference?”