Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your teeth

Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your teeth
Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth. ~ Alan Watts.

Lots of people like this quote. They like it because few people are even able to go one step further than thinking of defining themselves from their minds.

One of my students tried. He said: ‘I work for this and this company. I am intimate and loving.

Now, let me ask you: why define yourself? For what purpose?

Blog-Social-ExpectationsDo you think that matters? Do you think that different purposes will result in a different definition?

If I ask you to describe yourself so when I come to our meeting place I can recognize you, if you don’t say anything about your height and such, I will surely think you as a moron and cancel our appointment.

If you want to be a driver for me, and you talk about your job at blah, I will not even answer your email.

My current driver was the only one out of 250 applicants who defined herself saying ‘I am punctual, I am a decent driver, and I am good company…’ I hired her without asking any more questions. She was intelligent enough to look at the question as ‘what will be my experience with you driving me to places?’

She used three different verbal tools to communicate to me what to expect

  1. promise
  2. assessment
  3. declaration

She promised to be punctual. She assessed her driving as decent. And she declared to be good company.

The last one, the declaration, now became her core identity in our relationship. I don’t continue riding with her because she is punctual. Nor because she drives decently.

I ride with her because she has a commitment to be good company.

And she has been… in spite of some potential glitches. Amazing.

define_yourself_by_felisy-d5067hjYour core identity is a commitment.

It’s a vow. It is the flag you carry. Ultimately it is what defines you.

At this point…

At this point your core identity is your thinly veiled hidden nature that you hope won’t come out. Like belligerent, like nasty, like ‘when it gets tough I’ll leave’, like ‘I’ll do everything to dupe you’. ‘I’ll argue with you.’ ‘I think I am smarter than you.’ ‘Hey, I’ll get my money’s worth. Not in value but in being a time-suck.’ etc.

Before we can CREATE a core identity that will serve us, we need to tell the truth about the hidden identity, so we can manage it. It’s the mud through which we need to go through to reach the solid rock, so we can build something worth building, in spite of the mud.

And when the mud shows up again, we can say to it ‘I know who you are… go back where you came from’

Your assignment in developing your brain, developing your thinking is to define yourself to

1. a potential mate
2. a potential teacher
3. a coach in a project
4. a project leader who considers you making part of the team
5. a head hunter
6. a talent scout
7. a friend wanting to mooch on you

Do not lie. Say only facts or promises/declarations that you can keep.

How to do this assignment that it becomes a self-growth, self-developing exercise?

Imagine scenarios where you are taken into scenarios where your behavior/attitude is important.

  1. how will you be if you are caught exchanging intimate words with your ex?
  2. how will you be if your new mate/your boss/your teacher yells at you?
  3. Who/how will you be if you are accused of not carrying your weight in the new team?
  4. how will you be if someone asks you for something that is beyond what you promised?
  5. how will you be if someone asks why you are not sharing your wealth?
Lots of confronting scenarios mean lots of learning, growing experience.

If you don’t like how you have been in a similar situation, invent a new way of being, and test it out in your imagination. If you like it, become that kind of person.

Make sure that these are not silent movies: the words are important. The words reflect your attitude, your hidden Self.

One of my students suddenly inherited money. She is now encountering, in her real life, situations that in the past had a predictable outcome.

Saying no is a problem for many of us, saying no gracefully and with authority is something you need to learn, you need to practice.

You won’t become an independent powerful person overnight. If you have been a door mat, a people pleaser, a victim, a bully, a despot, you will need to practice ways of being of an independent powerful person. It won’t be easy.

define-yourselfIf you just read this article,

If you just read this article, but have no intention to do the practices, please do yourself and me a favor: GO AWAY. Do not poison the air on my blog any more.

Go to Christie Marie Sheldon or Teal Scott… they are perfect for you.

For those of you who can’t decide. Or if you are unclear… I am having other posts coming: this is the most important skill you can learn.

If you are having a difficulty, but are COMMITTED to become a person, start with the Reality Challenge. It will take you to a place where this exercise will be the next logical step.

Fighting a train for the right of way at a railway crossing

Fighting a train for the right of way at a railway crossing

I woke up at 3 am with a start from a deep dream about principles spinning so hard that I could only follow them with full concentration…

I stared into the dark for a few minutes still seeing the images of the principles, and I got the words that go with the images: Continue reading “Fighting a train for the right of way at a railway crossing”

How many principles do you need to live a successful life?

How many principles do you need to live a successful life?

It is easy to get angry. Let’s see that in a principle.

Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy. ~ Aristotle

OK, it is easy to see that with anger what Aristotle says is true.

But a principle is a truth that is bigger, wider, more encompassing than just the narrow situation we are looking at, in this case ‘anger’.

Continue reading “How many principles do you need to live a successful life?”

Agitate to get to the invisible layers… the real enemy

Agitate to get to the invisible layers… the real enemy
agitateAgitate.

Agitate is an old word, and has fallen out of favor. But it is very useful for our purposes: finding what is hidden, so you can start dealing with it.

Agitating (my concept, my understanding of the word) is to shake up. To make the parts move, so they rearrange. So that what’s important but is in hiding comes to the open. Disgust, displeasure, discontent, disagreement, disobedience, anger, hate, even love come to the surface. Continue reading “Agitate to get to the invisible layers… the real enemy”

When Life, people seem to work against you…

When Life, people seem to work against you…

When Life seems to work against you… or does opposite of what you expected

One of my teachers, via Ayn Rand, has been Aristotle.

He taught me one thing. Most people will not teach you much… they will attempt to do one thing and one thing only: alter your foundation.

And with regards to foundation altering: Aristotle’s teaching is the most jarring, and the most transformative.

Here is the teaching:

Contradictions do not exist. Whenever you think that you are facing a contradiction, check your premises.

If you are doing all the right things and still don’t get your results… that is a contradiction. Check your premises.

Continue reading “When Life, people seem to work against you…”

Rocks, pebbles, and sand that your life organized around

Rocks, pebbles, and sand that your life organized around

Some of my students pondered my article from yesterday and asked themselves: why am I not reading?

One found something that may be the reason billions of people don’t read: by the time they would get to reading, they are too tired. They are spent.

The priority they assign to reading is low.

Normal lives are full of stuff to do that some meme says: you must do.

Take a shower every day, for example. Many people even wash their hair every day. Read the newspaper. Every day. Do shopping when they need something, when they need it. Drive the kid to activities.

Cut coupons. Check facebook, your email, chat, watch cat videos.

Cook every meal… instead of batches is one way many of my students spend their time, instead of reading. I, instead, buy enough to make 7 meals, I cook the food, and put it in sandwich or snack bags… more the snack bags, which are about one fist, so it’s the perfect size.

This means that I don’t cook every day. I always have 10 or so meals prepared in my freezer.

Continue reading “Rocks, pebbles, and sand that your life organized around”

Day 8 of my fast. And of course a lot of new thoughts

Day 8 of my fast. And of course a lot of new thoughts

Day 8

I had a cup of tea yesterday. Slept for two hours in the afternoon. delightful dreamful sleep.

Got up, did some work. Watched the last two episodes of Astrid.

It is clearer to me that anything that I am a lot like Astrid. Astrid is autistic. High functioning autistic.

She is fragile, compelling people to mock her, dislike her, fear her, help her. And she is fearless at the same time. Continue reading “Day 8 of my fast. And of course a lot of new thoughts”

The three umpires… which one are you most like?

The three umpires… which one are you most like?

Last night, before I got to bed, I wanted to ‘talk to’ Source.

OK, I actually don’t know what Source is. But over the past 10 or so years I have learned that Source either doesn’t know something, and will let me know, or what source says yes to is actually true.

Last night’s conversation was about money, about my business, about the numbers that seem to tell me that nobody loves me any more… Continue reading “The three umpires… which one are you most like?”

I have the ascension process. ready. but can you hack it?

I have the ascension process. ready. but can you hack it?

I woke up with a question this morning:

Have I succeeded to create a system that can put a human onto the path of becoming a human being?

The answer was ‘yes but’. And the proverbial search for the needle in the haystack began. Continue reading “I have the ascension process. ready. but can you hack it?”

Playground: The One Ring Method to rule it all

Playground: The One Ring Method to rule it all

If you love yourself, you love your life.

It sounds so good, but how could you? How could you love yourself, knowing all the horrible things you have done?!

Last night, after the Playground, after I turned the light off. memories of those horrible things started to revisit.

After about 10-15 minutes of that I was feeling really horrible, doubting that I can do any good in the world. And then it hit me:

none of the horrible things I said I did ever happened.

What? was I lying to myself? Continue reading “Playground: The One Ring Method to rule it all”