Being guided by YOUR spirit is the most unsettling way of being guided.
You don’t know why you are guided where you are guided, what you are supposed to learn, so you learn what you can, and trust.
Trust is my soul correction, so it is more challenging to me than most anything. Not knowing is hard for me. I need to know. The context, the “to what end” missing is hard for me.
But I don’t mind hard. After all if you don’t trust that your soul correction is your work, then what are you going to trust?
Many people believe in some deity, some higher power, so they can just wonder through, bumble through life, unconsciously, because they hope that they will be always saved.
But when you only believe in yourself, when it is only you you can count on, when you know that mother/father/god isn’t coming to save the day, then you need to make some hard decisions, and decide what is important to you in life, and what isn’t.
I have decided that I will live a life that makes a difference.
Not piecemeal, mind you, not by saving stray cats, or coddling drunks, or posting love love love stuff on facebook. No, in a way where it will be a line of demarcation, like before this line and after this line…
I was not destined for greatness. Dyslexic, sickly, rude, amoral, average intelligence. Parents that survived the Holocaust; an family environment where love wasn’t felt, wasn’t expressed, the word was hate, and kill… instead. (It came out in spades yesterday, didn’t it? lol. Sorry Matsa…) My cat was thrown off from the balcony because it pooped under the furniture. It died.
No, I wasn’t the most likely to succeed in high school. And I didn’t. I worked as an architect, and never got a raise. In 17 years…
When years ago I “raised my hand to do this work,” I met with flat refusal.
Just like in Landmark Education, I wasn’t found worthy to be a leader.
But just like in Landmark Education, I lived by a sentence I invented: “You can only fire me from YOUR job, you can’t fire me from MY job. MY job is for me to do.”
So, I have been doing MY job, and it is the hardest thing for anyone to do, because hundred percent of the responsibility is on your shoulders.
What if it is the wrong work to do? What if people don’t want it? What if I don’t know what to do?
I had all these questions, and in the beginning I was, somewhat, walking in the footsteps of people who walked before me, Landmark Education, Kabbalah, Theta healing, Osho, Ayn Rand… Until it has been becoming clearer and distinct what it is that I have come to do.
So what is this whole guidance thing? Who is guiding, what is guiding?
I don’t know. I only know that it’s real and I can talk to it, pay attention to it, and practice trusting, practice my soul correction.
I will know where it will have lead me when I get there. Just like it has, in the past week or so.
Through a series of movies, through books, through Freddie Mercury, through two 3-4 hour long coaching sessions, back to back, I finally got what this phase of guidance was about:
Teaching me about real love. So that I can teach others…
Not about the “love” that people use as currency to get what they want.
Not the love that people crave so they don’t feel alone, so they don’t have to do anything, so they feel taken care of.
No, the real love that is not about giving, and not about receiving. It is beyond the mercantile concerns of Malchut, the paradigm of the earth. It is really energy, and it is an overflowing. Much like a waterfall. Much like the sun. It cares not about the recipient. It’s not about them.
In the coaching courses the issue of love, care, has been coming up disproportionately often.
Here is a comment to show where most (all?) people are at:
What I really want: love, caring, affection, security
My action for getting what I want (and ‘off the hook’ in my life): complain
Results: UNEARNED/pity-based (and therefore not REAL) love, caring, affection, security but mostly quid-pro-quo from other second-handers.
Major revelation: I have no idea what is a healthy relationship. I have no idea what one feels like, looks like, sounds like, how people behave when in a healthy relationship, how they act, how they communicate. Every relationship I have been in is based on me complaining and taking. When I do give, it is never equal to or exceeds what I have received, or the machine wants to get something in return of greater value than it “gave”.
And then, for contrast, watch the videos on youtube about Freddy Mercury dying. Or watch The Social Network. In that movie, if you watch it again and again, like I did, to go deep, not just to get the story, not just the enjoy the drama, but go deep (this seems to be the most missing for most people, they are skimming things, replacing knowledge with understanding, and thus missing life!) you will see that the love of the creator is stronger than any relationship.
Love is not about relationship. Love is not fodder for takers, wanters, needers, complainers.
Love is a creative force, and when it isn’t, it isn’t love.
But in the world’s “get as much as you can for as little as you can give”, piecemeal, fragmented, doled out, love is not possible.
It is strange to say the word Love and Mark Zuckerberg in the same sentence, and it was strange to me yesterday. But today, when I want to know more about love, I go to him. I watch him. Not in his relationship to his wife. No, in his relationship to his work.
I have found myself another teacher: this time it’s about love. I have a lot to learn.
…and some more happy horseshit… wishing to know what love is at the vibration of 170