Our last Playground, earlier today, was on the topic of “good/bad.”
It’s a great topic. Why? Because you are limited by that, good and bad, more than most any other adjective: you want to be good, you need to be good, you pretend to be good, you fancy yourself as a good person, you sell your soul to be thought of as good. God will let you into heaven if you are good… you go to hell if you are bad… blah, blah, blah. Lots of greed, lots of suffering around good and bad.
As a foreigner I watch it with fascination. Good and bad is worn like a uniform, covering up a ton of anxiety.
In reality, in nature there is no good and there is no bad. There is just “is”. The entire notion of good and bad is a human creation, and I guess, it is also a religious dogma.
Humans are not good by nature, no matter what you have heard.
A human’s base nature is to take care of his needs. And if his needs can only be taken care of by killing, looking, robbing, cheating, or lying: human beings have always done what they needed to do to survive, even in this age of morality.
There is no “good” human, good is a societal construct, a pretense. It is a lot similar to wild beasts being trained by a trainer, with whip and rewards, to behave according to someone else’s rules. But “training” doesn’t change base nature: the base nature to any living being is to live more, feel more, love more… nothing to do with goodness or badness.
Being good is a move you learned
Being good is a move you learned, like a circus animal, and you pay the price every day: you don’t live your life to the fullest. Being good is a kind of prostitution: you sell your soul, you sell your fulfillment for an atta boy, for an atta girl.
And, because humans are neither good nor bad, your life is living hell. You do things, think things, fantasize about things that you consider bad, and then you need to hide. Now you can’t just be, you now need to hide that you are bad, while pretending to be good.
Desire to receive for the sake of sharing is a human being’s true nature: getting what the human being needs without slighting another… but, regardless of the moral training, humans, the current level of evolution, desire to receive for the self alone rules, being good in order to get goodies is desire to receive for the self alone… after all you deprive Life from your participation.
What if you had no identity?
What if you had no identity good, no identity: bad. What if you were neither good, nor bad. What if you were everything and you are nothing. What if identity is a construct that doesn’t serve you, that doesn’t allow you to move to the next level of evolution, the level of human being?
Having an identity is a strait jacket: giving you no freedom outside of that identity, keeping you entrapped in “desire to receive for the self alone”, unhappiness.
All identity is invented. And all identity is a straitjacket
What if you could get what you want, what you think being good “buys” you, by simply asking for it. 1
A student of mine really enjoys being at work, because being “good” earns her a lot of attention and acknowledgment.
She doesn’t get the same thing at home… there she isn’t pretending to be good, instead she has to swing to the other extreme… Her justification for being disagreeable at home is that she is not acknowledged there, she is not appreciated there.
At home she dishes out what she complains about… and being at home is not fun.
What if you needed no one’s acknowledgment?
But what if no one needed to acknowledge you? What if you need it that much, you can really ask for it? “I will be nice to you in return for you showing appreciation?” simple enough?
I don’t know how it happened, but we never learned that we need to ask for what we want, and we need to promise to reciprocate it in a way that works for the other person.
This is one of the basic moves of communication, a move that has saved many marriages, many jobs, many friendships: the move of request+promise.
When you let go of your identity
When you let go of your identity, it feels like death. And it is, in a way, much like death: you die as a fixed thing, an identity. What you gain is freedom to be yourself, and communication.
Because, of course, a nice girl cannot, won’t ask for what they want: they will just make your life miserable if you don’t give it to them…
Here is an article about good girls… I didn’t write it: I found it on the internet.
Enjoy. And if you ever wanted to use the gentlest method of changing I, or anyone can offer, you want to sign up for the Playground. There is nothing like it anywhere.
OK… here is the good girl article:
Are you a good girl?
A nice girl? Do you obey the rules and please everyone in your life? Do you take pride to be viewed as someone who can do it all in addition to taking care of other people all the time? If this is you, then you are a g-o-o-d girl.
Good girls can have fun, circumstances allowing, but bad girls have a lot more fun! Why? Because the freedom that comes with being a bad girl can never be obtained by a good girl. Good girls try to obey too many rules to let go and be who they really want to be
4 Ways That Bad Girls Have More Fun
Being a naughty girl can be advantageous for you . Just because you are not always behaving the way it’s expected of you, just because you don’t live up to other people’s standards you won’t be shunned by society.
In fact, being someone who lives by her own rules, marches to her own drummer, with some solid principles in place, will make you admired by others… And you will be experiencing the life you were meant to live, all at the same time.
Plus, bad girls have more fun, because.
Bad Girls Don’t Have To Protect Their Reputation
They don’t feel stifled and forced to fulfill other people’s expectations of proper behavior… w they answer to themselves and to what is important to them. Here is an example, they don’t have to pretend that they like to cheer on the stands of an event when they’d rather participate in the event, leadership, politics, sports: nothing is tabu for them.
Bad girls embrace their true selves, and they don’t need to pretend that they are anything or anyone else only to prove that they are worthy of your love, admiration or respect.
They are free to be themselves, and have no apologies for being who and what they are.
Bad Girls Have More Confidence
When you have the freedom to be yourself, you can afford to be honest with your true desires in life. You explore what interests you instead of what other people tell you that you should explore.
The more you know and accept who you really are, the more you live the life you want to live, the more confidence you will have in yourself. Authenticity and confidence go hand in hand.
Bad Girls are more attractive
When you live by your own rules you attract others for many different reasons.
You go against the grain so they create a excitement in others, a whiff of freedom everyone wants.
You exude confidence, which is super sexy to everyone, including the other sex.
You enjoy being with yourself so you are not high maintenance, you don’t exert pressure towards other to take care of you, to entertain you, to have a “relationship”. No one likes pressure… including the other sex.Y
ou get to enjoy attention wherever you go. And, let’s face it, it may be nice to have attention!
Bad Girls Don’t Settle In Relationships
Because you know your worth and value yourself highly, you don’t pick just any guy to date. You want a guy who is going to treat you right and make you feel good, and you don’t feel the need to settle for less, like good girls.
And when the guy turns out to be less than they promised you leave them… not the other way around.
In this context, having the courage to live your life your own way, doesn’t mean that are immoral or amoral. It means that you don’t have to live up to what others define as being ‘a good girl’ or, in other words, a girl who lives by the rules set out for her and her gender.
You are true to yourself and your principles, and your life is, therefore a happier and more fulfilling life.
