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Why is winning harder that losing? And don’t say ‘of course!’
Even when I don’t think there is anything further to see… I find out: there is.
I have said before, but I don’t think anyone heard it.
The most EFFECTIVE way to deal with reality is dealing with things how they are and how they aren’t.
People, things, events.
Easier said than done.
This is what Aristotle called A is A. Those who get it are rich. Those who don’t chase mirages.
The subject line of one email in my inbox was: The 90-Day $100K Boring Challenge. Everyone vies for exciting, but what works is boring.
People may sign up to a boring challenge, but what they crave is exciting. And clever. And imaginative.
What is boring is how reality is.
A is A is boring. Saying A should be A+. Or saying A shouldn’t be A is exciting.
You put in your individuality, your brilliance, what you imagine should be… and what you get? Exciting knocks on the head.
Why? Because reality is the way reality is, and relating to it with the shoulds and the not and different and more, is making you dangerously deluded.
I don’t blame you: it is not your fault.
All the memes that say that you should ask for it and you’ll get it. Or the memes that say: imagine and it’s yours… Or say no to it and it will be so… or whatever the F… they say… And if everyone says so it must be so… But it isn’t so.
Even animals, if you watch silly dog and cat videos with your eyes open so you can see: the animal finds out what is so… pokes the unfamiliar until it is clear, sees CLEARLY what the thing is, what the thing does… and then thereafter interacts with it as it is, not as the animal thinks it should be.
Of course you can train animals to be deluded like humans.
The ‘learned helplessness‘ psychologists did that, and they trained dogs to interact with the world through their beliefs, not through seeing how the world actually is. After training they didn’t move when they were bombarded with electric shocks, they just whimpered.
And that is what humans do. The whimper, or they attack the windmill, or they imagine what how other people should be, maybe even who THEY themselves should be…
But behaving like that is a 99% certain way to get bad results, while interacting with reality the way it is produces a 99% certain way to do what works.
As long as you are not learning, not able to hold onto what you learned, you’ll remain the same.
Here is an interesting example. Interesting and tragic.
Our now familiar protagonist learned about attitudes. They learned that they can WEAR an attitude like a cape, and it makes them SUPERMAN.
So they invent a new catchy attitude every day… never considering that attitude is not a cape, it is a beingness, and it changes you inside.
It is what the meme ‘Fake it till you make it’ is trying to say. If your attitude is ‘I am not just about myself. I am about others too‘ and you help the ones that need your help, like your spouse… after a while you actually change INSIDE… and you BECOME that.
One of my clients wrote to me the other day in answer to my question about the baby genes, She wrote: I think i have both of baby genes, but mostly second (that others shouldn’t have anything or I’ll die)
If she tried on and assumed the attitude of ‘I am richer by helping others have more‘ her insides would change, and the baby genes would turn off…
The baby genes again
The one gene that is supposed to turn off at age 3 says: I have the right to call it the way I want to… and it makes it so.
This one is about calling things wrong…
The second gene that is supposed to turn off at age 6~7 says: Others shouldn’t have anything or I’ll die… This is what bullies have… And this is what makes YOU a bully unless you take on being ‘we’ instead of ‘I, me, mine, myself ONLY.’ Inclusion instead of exclusion. Sharing instead of hoarding. Abundance instead of scarcity. Generosity instead of stinginess. It is either you or me.
If and when you watch the House of representatives or the Senate Of the United States, you can observe these two baby genes in action.
‘If I let you have it, I’ll die.’ or even better ‘I’d rather die than let you have it’
But what happens when someone, like our protagonist from above keeps on inventing a new attitude very day… and never realizes that she could change her mind about herself?
SHE COULD CHANGE HER MIND ABOUT HERSELF! But she doesn’t… In her mind, in her imagination, she remains the same stingy, rigid, judgmental, selfish, b.i.t.c.h. who doesn’t, cannot measure up to life, because… why is that?
Because she is still inflexible…
To change your mind about anything, permanently!, you need to be able to be flexible. Flexible of mind. Intellectually, emotionally, spiritually flexible.
Of the way reality is will always be a threat to you. You’ll always bump up against reality and bruise yourself.
Your IS, and your SHOULD won’t become malleable… they will be your boss… and you’ll remain the effect, the hapless victim.
So back to the title of this article: why is winning harder than losing?
It is automatic and it is easy to imagine that things SHOULD be the way you imagine them… this includes people, and yourself. It is easy to imagine that things should work the way you want them to work… And therefore it is EASY TO LOSE.
It is harder, because it takes looking, it takes astute judgment, understanding, precision, clarity to SEE how things are… this includes people, and yourself. It is harder to look how things work and adjust your actions to how things work.
Harder. But not hard.
Look and see. In reality. Look long enough so you actually SEE. NOT think you see. Actually see.
I have a client who is in both the Sight capacity challenge and the Attitudes challenge. So far she has not SEEN, because she has not LOOKED, that she is spending her whole time in her head, in her imagination, where she is supposedly smart.
Don’t be smart in your head. Look, SEE, and act smartly. Duh.
And and I have another client who is also working with the SIGHT capacity, and in contrast, is starting to SEE how he has been and how that matches how other people are still.
Inside he has been adjusting his self-image… It is not an accident that he is practicing, daily, increasing his physical flexibility, and has managed to bring it up to 30%.
Flexibility is like salt in food. Without salt no food tastes good. You even need salt in candy…
Without flexibility you can’t change anything about yourself.
So what is a way you can increase your flexibility?
What is lack of mental flexibility?
Cognitive rigidity is the consequence of a lack of mental flexibility. It could be defined as the inability to change behavior or beliefs when they are ineffective in order to reach your objective. Cognitive rigidity could cause alterations in the regulation of the behavior, creating inefficient behavioral patterns.
What does mental flexibility mean?
Definition. Mental flexibility is the ability to shift a course of thought or action according to the changing demands of a situation.
What is an example of mental flexibility?
You can take a walk around the block, go on your lunch break earlier than usual, or go see one of your peers to ask about their day. Think of it as pressing “pause” on your thoughts. You’re pressuring your brain to stop worrying, redirect, and focus on something else. This is an act of cognitive flexibility.
My flexibility measures 70%. So I am not fully flexible.
My flexibility when I came to this country was 10%, higher than the general population. having left the safety of two countries is a sign of that flexibility. By my opinions were still very inflexible.
I managed to raise my flexibility to 30% by the time I moved to New York (from New Jersey).
And with the diligent use of the True Back and some other flexibility exercises I managed to bring my mental flexibility to 70%.
Your child genes keep you inflexible.
Participating in my challenges, especially ones that ask you to change your behavior, increase your flexibility.
About a quarter of the people who get my emails actually click to read that day’s article I link to.
Some click, and that is part of their inflexibility. They click because they have always clicked. The ones that don’t click are inflexible… stuck in their opinion of what is interesting, what they should read or not read.
The average flexibility score of people who open my emails is 1%.
I would say that the feeling that accompanies inflexibility is the feeling that you are stuck. And truth be told: you are. In your mind… but unless you are willing and able to look and see different, you’ll remain stuck.
How would I go about getting unstuck?
The interesting paradox is that when you are stuck you blame what’s outside of you. But when you decide what to do, you don’t even look there… you go by the image you have in your mind.
You are determined to live by a reality that has nothing to do with actual reality… it is all in your mind.
If you are bored… and are looking for titillation, entertainment, excitement to make you not so bored… you can be certain that you are boring, because you have an inflexible mind.
Can you see fixed mindset and growth mindset in this article? Please comment below…
Anyway… can you, by yourself, cause yourself to make yourself flexible?
Whenever you manage to change your mind and keep it that way… you have a little more flexibility.
If after a day, two, or five you go back how it has always been, you didn’t gain flexibility.
Physical flexibility and mental flexibility are intimately connected.
If you use the True Back device to change what’s wrong with you, what prevails is that there is something wrong with you… no flexibility manages to break that through.
If you use any of my programs, any of my energies, any of my methods to fix yourself, the need to fix yourself remains unchanged.
So if you will use the Drink your food challenge to fix anything about you, same thing applies: you won’t get the benefits.
Anyway, If you want to sign up to the Drink your Food Challenge, this is your opportunity. It starts on Monday… Tomorrow.
Sign up to the Drink your Food Challenge
