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Day 8
I had a cup of tea yesterday. Slept for two hours in the afternoon. delightful dreamful sleep.
Got up, did some work. Watched the last two episodes of Astrid.
It is clearer to me that anything that I am a lot like Astrid. Astrid is autistic. High functioning autistic.
She is fragile, compelling people to mock her, dislike her, fear her, help her. And she is fearless at the same time.
I am not nearly as smart as she is, but yet. She makes effort to see and connect dots that are not obviously connectable. She uses puzzles to get into the state of seeing. And she needs a lot of alone time, silence, no movement around her.
Watching people helps understanding yourself.
After I woke up I was very cold. And very weak.
I muscletested myself, and my blood pressure is very low, and my Thyroid is not functioning up to par.
Nothing new, it’s been so all my life. But other than having a very slow metabolism, needing only around 600 calories a day to maintain my weight, the other symptoms haven’t surfaced in ‘peacetime’.
And strenuous exercise is not my bailiwick, so unless the long periods when I seriously restricted my intake, I have always been on the pudgy side. I estimate half of my life.
My last bathroom scale gave up the goat, about a year ago, I have ballooned. I finally succumbed, and ordered another scale. It will arrive tomorrow. We’ll know the truth then.
A client’s story
A client asked her husband (who for a while was also a client) how he was doing healthwise. The husband got angry and growled back ‘drop it!’.
I just measured his numbers. His body is responding to his never ending frustration. He is irritated, and now his bowels are irritated too. His growling signals one thing: SHE is a major irritant for him.
It is a combination of two human myths, the ‘I’ and the ‘is’.
The most useful and almost instantly working phrase I have found to snap out of either of those myth created states is this:
It ain’t nothing till I call it.
And with that I take back my power, and call it instead of leaving it to ‘is’ to call it. I call it consciously, intentionally, by creating a new ATTITUDE.
And that allows me to actually LOOK before I call it.
It is a magic wand-like saying.
On another note, some of my clients actually use the Big Bundle healing energy and are getting better.
So this past week I ordered a new mp3 player. Charged it, transferred the audio on it, taped the mono ear bud to my ear. and have been playing it, non-stop for the past 12 hours. The batteries of this new mp3 player seem inexhaustible. I am very happy with it.
And my health number has gone up to 20.
I now seem to be able to stand without pain, for at least 20 minutes, I haven’t tried longer.
One of the main reasons I haven’t pursued becoming a public speaker is because this back pain has been plaguing me for at least 25 years. so if it will be gone now, I’ll be delighted.
But I am not going to jump the gun.
Just one more thing:
the only thing I can’t do with the Big Bundle blasting in my ear is watch foreign language movies. For some reason reading the subtitles while the audio is running is impossible for me. But I won’t do that more than a few hours a day…
In general, each minute of one-on-one energy transmission is equal 30 minutes of the big Bundle at medium high volume. The energy is carried with the audio. Some clueless clients of mine were muting the audio and still hoping to get healing. They are probably dying. I know I sound cruel. I feel cruel.
Luckily the number of people who healed their illness with the Big Bundle is higher than the number of those who could not bother to follow instructions, or didn’t use the energy at all.
Stupid as the stupid does.
I used to have a mantra: He who is stupid, should die. That was a cruel mantra, I know. I meant that about myself, by the way. I could not tolerate being stupid. But I have mellowed out a lot since.
—
Something shifted. I don’t understand what happened, but…
I have started to clean up areas that have been untouched, and not taken care of. Maybe I see a future. Muscletest says yes. But there must be more.
I think I have a little bit of energy that I didn’t have before. Yes, says muscletest. There is still more. I think this is important. I see myself differently now. Surprisingly I have started to do something I could never think I could do. Muscletest says: this is it. My self-image shifted from this old frail woman to a champion. lol.
—
On a whim I bought Alexander Dumas’ book, The Count of Monte Cristo.
I read it as a child, but I wanted to read it again.
I didn’t remember how much evil lead to the hero’s incarceration. Humans are bad. Jealous. Hateful. And that hasn’t changes since Dumas’ time.
People prevent others from advancing, even though they have no benefit from it at all. This is exactly the chicken coop or crab bucket behavior. Avoid it if you can.
Whatever we do here offends the culture…
At least whatever I intend for you to do. Do you do it? Not often.
Of all the things people have ever tried to learn, the Attitude challenge has been the second most successful program.
The first is the Soaring Method.
The Attitude challenge’s secret is that you see instant result when the attitude to invent is a good one.
Like J. shares:
The moment I felt hopeful & encouraged, I had the old voice I have that I’m fooling myself. that I’ve never purchased a course that I’ve seen all the way through. never actually implemented anything I heard or read. that this is just another thing where I start out gung-ho and then drop it.
The attitude was ‘I can’t really do it- I’m fooling myself.’ Behind it, I’m pretty sure, is a fear of failure. and a fear of taking responsibility for driving my life. I’ve never done it. I don’t have a lot of confidence. I think it stems again from the fear of being nothing. fear of finding out that I really am nothing.
But working feels different now, amazingly I think because of the attitude change. And I know that the sure way to continue to be nothing is to drop it & never try, because I’ve done that many times. It seemed safer to quit but all I was doing was avoiding responsibility.
The new attitude is ‘I’m going for it because I know it’s a process & it’s worth it, even if I do fail. I know how it feels to quit and I don’t want that feeling ever again.’
This seems to make it not so much a never-ending grind, but a fun adventure to continue to explore.
Thank you,
J
The attitude frames, provides the context, provides the backdrop, or creates you as someone new.
Before this fast I had the attitude of ‘I am old, and it doesn’t matter. I’ll die soon.‘
Now, during the fast I find myself having the attitude that if I am to be alive, and earn a living, I might as well have some order in my environment.
Even starting the fast I needed to have an attitude change. Before I was old and on borrowed time. But I started the fast with a new attitude: This is so I can work and make a living while I am alive.
I have no savings. I have no retirement. so unless I work I have nothing to live on. I have heard of women working till the last moment before they gave birth. That inspired me.
So my ideal death is dropping dead while I am writing an article… lol. Whenever.
—
90% of the people who have the Big Bundle don’t use it, or don’t use it right.
What are the ways to use it wrong?
- you use it only occasionally, a few minutes here, a few minute there.
- you use it on too low volume, so hardly any energy is going through
- most importantly: you use it with a combative attitude, or a fixit attitude.
Attitude is the most important thing you can learn if you want to live a good life, where your relationship with things, your relationship with people, your relationship with yourself are harmonious. Where you are the boss of yourself. not a disgrunted employee. Not a limp d.i.c.k. Nor a wet rag. The boss with compassion, with understanding, with acceptance.
I have a tendency to stop doing business with people who are combative. Why? I don’t have energy for that, and beyond that: I don’t think I can help them. because of their attitude.
So here you go: your next move is to learn what are attitudes, how they express themselves, how to invent an attitude that works.
Learn about, get masterful with attitudes
