I just read an article that was re-published on 15 thousand sites! obviously, it resonated with people. The article’s title is ’15 things you should give up to be happy’.
Now, I read the article, and I can promise you that it has never changed anyone’s life for the better.
Why? Because giving up is a head-on action, like fixing.
When you face the thing you ‘should’ give up, you are supposed to give up to be happy, the thing is right across your face, occupying your whole mind.
An interesting aside: The bug free mind books include all these 15 things to give up, but the way the books are written, it’s not a list, it’s more like each have its own chapter, so it’s a lot easier to take a look, observe, and see that they are useless and keep you unhappy… and it’s easier to let go. I do recommend that you buy those… I mean the bug free mind books.
Here is an important angle to consider: who or what has the power when the thing you want to deal with occupies 100% of your field of vision? You or the thing?
The writer and the readers of that article surely would think that it is them, but their life tells a different story.
When your whole cone of vision is occupied by the think you don’t want, two things happen:
- you are miserable, angry, frustrated, and defeated.
- you have no power, not even enough to tear your glance away from the ‘bad thing’ that you want to change.
- you resist… unwillingness, belligerence kicks in… because no one wants to do what they are supposed to do
Trying to change a behavior directly is work we can call futile and hard, Sisyphus-ian (is that a word?) It is work befitting for a giant immortal Greek God from Greek Mythology to roll the same rock up the hill every day just so it can roll down while he sleep. You are not a Greek God, so let us find a more expeditious and lasting method so you can be free and on your way to happiness.
Why can’t you change a behavior directly? Why can’t you just stop being judgmental, or being in your head thinking about stuff instead of doing them?
The actions and behaviors that cause all unhappiness are all fear-based and resistance and are part of the human psyche for a long long time, 200,000 years in exact. The mind is fixated on them: to the mind they all seem like survival. Fighting them head-on is like fighting a speeding truck: the truck will win every time.
Let’s start with your attention: let’s say your attention is caught and held by an accident on the highway. You can rubber-neck and potentially cause an accident or take your attention away.
Now, just like with any glue, pulling your attention away straight, won’t work. The glue is too strong in that direction. But you can try sliding your attention away, starting with a smooth sideway glide, and you will win easily.
Finding the action that leaves you a winner, instead of fighting is the essence of transformation.
One, fighting, leaves you bloodied even if you win, whereas transformation leaves you with not even a scratch to your body.
Fixing is fighting. Resistance is right there…
In all the work we do in raising your vibration, we find the sideways, the gliding, the transformational method.
Of course your mind will not like it. Your mind likes fighting, and failing. But start starving your mind and feeding your soul… your soul knows that it is supposed to be easy. 1
OK, here is the list of 15 things that article suggest to give up to be happy:
15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy
Here is a list of 15 things which, if you give up on them, will make your life a lot easier and much, much happier. We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress and suffering – and instead of letting them all go, instead of allowing ourselves to be stress free and happy – we cling on to them. Not anymore. Starting today we will give up on all those things that no longer serve us, and we will embrace change. Ready? Here we go:
Give up your need to always be right
There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question:’Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?‘ Wayne Dyer. What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?
Give up your need for control
Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.’By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.‘ Lao Tzu
Give up on blame
Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.
Give up your self-defeating self-talk
Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.’The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.’ Eckhart Tolle
Give up your limiting beliefs
about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!’A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind‘ Elly Roselle
Give up complaining
Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.
Give up criticism
Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.
Give up your need to impress others (or yourself)
Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take off all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.
Give up your resistance to change
Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.’Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls‘ Joseph Campbell
Give up labeling things
Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open. ‘The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.‘ Wayne Dyer
Give up on your fears
Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.’ The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.‘ Franklin D. Roosevelt
Give up your excuses
Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real.
Give up the past
I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.
Give up attachment
his is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another, attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.
Give up living your life to other people’s expectations
Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need… and eventually they forget about themselves. You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path.
Now, here comes the interesting and creative part: Find and pick one of those 15 items and ponder what would be the sideways glide that would allow you to do something other than that action, easily and eventually automatically.
This little mental exercise will raise your vibration, because you will take an active stance in your own growth, in your own transformation. Guaranteed.
In a follow-up article, I’ll publish an alternative list of ‘todo’s’ that cause transformation, and I’ll include the best suggestions from readers, hopefully yours. In the meantime just use your activators diligently… You are already ahead of the game!
Now, get cracking: pick your favorite ‘enemy’ and find a sideways gliding action… and then put it in the comments section. Please don’t do it in emails, just put anonymous in the name field if you want to stay anonymous.
There are no stupid answers.
- In an upcoming article I will point out how the article is for suckers… and how to know if you are a sucker yourself… Great article
My suggestion is that you give it up because it is no fun, not because you should or you are supposed to…
By the way, I notice, yesterday, on the call that you were doing it much less, much much less. congratulations.
I am going to do number 8 this is the one thats gets me into trouble, usually on my backside all the way down the spiral staircase………not fun!!
Thank you.
I’m doing #7- Giving Up Criticism. I’m taking the people that I usually criticize and finding something to praise them for, in that moment. I hope this practice is in alignment with the assignment. Thank you
I did number 6 today on a bus where I was getting very irritated by hearing someone’s gossiping about a sordid situation. When I relaxed into it, not wishing or wanting it to be different, it broke the power of its’ effect on me.
Although there are a few I could pick, the main choice of mine is 11 – fear, anxiety in situations where i possibly can make a mistake and be scolded/judged for making a mistake (or, i only anticipate i’ll be scolded). And when I really look at it, it’s so silly, even ridiculous, many times. It’s ‘what I fear is fear itself’ – all is in my mind… No big deal! or What a big deal!