My first awakening, rude as it was, was in 1979. I was 32 years old, had won first prize in an architectural competition, and I was in a mental health facility as an inmate.
Depression… I was depressed…
I didn’t know I was an empath, so I have no idea how much of what I felt was mine…
One day in the big circle I said something that got me thrown out of that big circle group.
Next day I was asked to do a test: find out what I like and what I don’t. I spent a lot of time with that test, because, honestly, I didn’t know. I didn’t know what I liked and what I preferred.
They made me retake the test, and I failed again. Holy Mackerel… I had no I. I mean I did have an I that threw its weight around, that won competitions, that got thrown out of groups, that pontificated and sympathized with people…
And yet there was no solid I… an I I could return to to be true to myself, to refuel myself, to be free to be myself.
I had this scenario repeat itself many times… awakened a little, and again and again and again… but I really had a huge RUDE awakening again a few months ago when I read the book “Choose yourself”
I had literally no clue what that would look like in my life.
You and I don’t know who we are.
And this is especially true for empaths and sensitives. Why?
Because we are designed to be guided by our feelings. Not our emotions… feelings.
Notice I didn’t say “emotions”?
A feeling is a physical sensation caused by something other than words…
We have sensory organs that communicate with us:
Five traditional senses
- Sight
- Hearing
- Taste
- Smell
- Touch
Other senses
- Balance and acceleration
- Temperature
- Proprioception
- Pain
- Sexual stimulation
- Other internal senses
Perception not based on a specific sensory organ
- Time
- Agency
- Familiarity
Read more on Wikipedia
These senses guide you… unless you ignore them, or overwrite them with something else… making them misleading or intermingle with emotions… aka marker feelings.
One of a huge step towards awakening, truly awakening to having been alienated from yourself is the two books, Feelings and Words. 2
But even after reading these books, even if you read it outside of the mind (rare! only 1 out of 100,000 people can read outside of the mind at the present time! This is why I am teaching it… because unless you learn it, you will not have any working knowledge, and will not have a life worth living!) I still didn’t know how to choose myself… at least not consciously.
Changing gears for a second:
Let’s see what lead you to lose your sense of who you are?
In society you are rarely allowed to grow along the natural lines of who you are. Parents seem to thing that it’s their job to tell you who to be.
The same parents allow their animals to grow into animals… they love them the way they are. But they don’t give you the same permission… so you grow up crooked losing a sense of being whole and complete, of being all right, or having the freedom to be yourself.
Whether you choose to be nice, complacent, dutiful, or a con-artist, a pretender, a liar is largely determined by your soul correction.
Either way, literally everyone is robbed of their birthright to become an individual, to grow along the natural lines of their personal design.
The way this was done is with words.
Words trigger emotions (no more innocence!) marker feelings… that are strong and nagging. All telling you things that are probably not even true.
Telling you stuff about you, about your chances for happiness, how you should be… that have nothing to do with being yourself, being free to be, being effective, being able to enjoy life.
No, all the marker feelings are societal instructions to reduce you to an effect, as opposed to being a cause… on your life, in your success.
Individuals are a threat to society, at least to the kind of society we have.
But it is against nature, against yourself to try to fit in, to accept the marker feelings, to be reduced to a cog in the machine.
The mind, where you spend your days, your nights, your weeks, months, years, is the home of words, and meanings. And interpretations.
You cannot feel the feelings your senses tell you, you can only feel your marker feelings.
And they are confusing: the tell you a thing and then the opposite of it.
It’s a lot like being in a jail like Guantanamo Bay detention camp… where they play mind-tricks on you…
My “job” is to lead us back to an earlier stage where we can know who we are, what we feel, and be directed by that.
Why not be directed by books? Don’t get me to start on that…!
Ancient philosophers said: know yourself… and they had no idea what a monumental job that is.
They had no idea that you are cut off from yourself… and in the times of those ancient philosophers there were no printed books, internet, and other potentially poisonous environmental influences.
One of my students revisits a personality type nonfiction book at least once a week.
Obviously he doesn’t know who he is, what he likes… so he is trying to find out.
But what is the truth value of the average nonfiction book? 7%. Meaning: it is 93% b.s.
Personality typing books are worse than the average: they are only 3% true.
But trusting yourself, your inner guidance, is not what “they” suggest that you do… and he, this student, is especially weak at self-trust.
I wrote an article yesterday looking at the phenomenon to what degree you need outside stimulation to be OK… and unfortunately his number is 100%
To be able to be OK without doing anything, you need to have something telling you who you are. Something to guide you to be in harmony with yourself and with life.
So for you and for me: feeling our feelings, hunger, appetite, resistance, tiredness, and the other who knows how many different feeling guidances we have. Really feeling them.
As I said: it is harder for an empath or a sensitive.
It is doubly hard for me. Why? Because I have Source to ask for guidance, so I have all but given up on my inner guidance.
But until I can choose myself, and know what I am talking about, I’ll spend at least an hour a day to learn to feel myself…
Not my emotions, but my sensations.
I suggest that you join me in that.
This doesn’t quite belong here, but for those of you that wanted a test whether your water is coherent or not:
Use your touch sense to tell.
Coherent water is soft, silky, and light.
It becomes suddenly like that at 653 vibration.
Experiment until you can tell the difference. You need to feel it, not imagine it. And please don’t ask me… Asking me is a sign that you refuse to feel, refuse to sense, refuse to co-create.
Let me know how you’re getting along.
PS: I just watched this TED talk… truth value: 10%. Why so low? Because it’s all surface, or maybe a little bit deeper than that.
Six million people have watched it. Why? Because everyone wants to be a person, everyone wants to feel that it’s ok to be who you are.
- Hunger
- need to breath
- need to vomit
- salt levels… thirst
- need to pee
- need to poop
- etc.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kq09OdUQEFk
This “video” talks to black people. But it might as well talk to anyone… to you. Really. Listen to it and hear how it talks to you. If you can, slow it down… it talks to fast… on youtube you can make it slower.
Listen to it and hear how you have robbed yourself of freedom, and life. Really!
