This is paraphrasing the famous Leo Tolstoy quote: ‘All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.’ This is the Anna Karenina principle… As all principles do, it applies to many, maybe even all areas of life. A principle is the same as a distinction… I say.
There are only about 50 different ways to get stuck… and your way is just one or two of those.
And here is another Leo Tolstoy quote that applies:
Truth, like gold, is to be obtained not by its growth, but by washing away from it all that is not gold. ~Leo Tolstoy
We are mostly in the washing away all that is not gold business… on this site.
If you find yourself
1. never finishing what you start
2. never doing anything substantial
3. never enjoying doing things
4. avoiding doing things
5. pretending to do things…
etc. you’ll be interested in this article.
After I wrote my article on ‘conation’… or the steam pressure explosion like compulsion to do things and then fizzle out… I called a friend of mine.
Alex has been a friend. I am so grateful for his friendship, my eyes get misty when I think about him.
Why? Because Alex is an amazing listener. Because he has the patience to do experiments with me… where he is the guinea pig… so to say. Because Alex has issues similar to my issues, or vastly different from my issues, but very similar to your issues.
Alex is neither a client nor a student. He is a friend. I trust him. Even though I know him… lol. That was supposed to be funny, but I am sure you don’t get the joke.
Almost anyone or everyone is a disappointment once you get to know them. After the honeymoon phase you start to see all the ways they are not perfect… but imperfection makes someone more lovable to me.
Anyway, Alex has the soul correction: Sharing the Light (23), and is struggling to make a go of anything.
So today, discussing my findings on conation and my theory of making it work for him, I had an insight:
not wanting to share your weaknesses, not wanting to share your vulnerability is also a kind of stingy…
And that is what prevents him from growing through the roof.
He wants his products to be perfect before he puts them in front of you, even if it is just an article or a podcast.
I saw two different ways to go around that… but you see, when something is your issue, your pivoting point, it is really really hard for you to see my point
This is one of the major roles of a mentor or a coach… or in Alex’s case: a friend.
There is a conflict between Alex’s pie in the sky worldview of how things should be: you have an idea, you think about it, and then you produce it… and it is perfect, and it is how the world works.
If all writing is rewriting… then, as a rule, nothing comes out perfect, right out of the chute, except maybe a baby… lol.
Everything needs to be tweaked, and re-written.
But when you speak, or write into silence, your energy dissipates: there is no echo. You can talk for hours if someone listens, but in silence, talking to a microphone, it’s really discouraging… nothing coming back, no feedback, no energy.
So how do I do it? Because it cannot be denied that I write and publish an awful lot of articles…
I actually talk to someone specific, most of the time a student. I also find that what I write even echoes in my own listening… so I guess my Observer or Witness is also listening.
The other thing I do that is alien to a lot of people: I tell upfront that the idea is half baked, that it’s a testing of an idea, and not a finished product I would put my stamp on…
Just like Edison took pride in experimenting, I take pride in it too. There is no way you can go beyond some boundaries unless you are joyfully exposing yourself to falling flat on your face.
My attitude is: Woohoo… what a ride.
Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming Wow! What a Ride!
Much like taking a sled and flying down the slope, hitting a mound and being thrown off… It is serious fun, hilarious and life can be lived like that… in serious fun.
Of course it needs to be learned, it needs to be practiced.
After all no parents would laugh at that sled ride… they would be afraid for your safety.
So we all grew up with parents and caretakers putting a damper on our spirit, on our risk-taking, and our fun and joy.
But with them gone, you can assess the damage and make repairs: restore your capacity and habit of doing risky things…
I am not encouraging you to do insane things, only risky things that take you closer to being alive, being who you were always meant to be.
Instead of being prim and proper, coloring inside the line, and wasting your opportunity to be someone you would be proud of.
Now, if you have the desire, if you have the topic, and you are always stuck… but you have a tendency of going too long into something that doesn’t work, or quitting too early, you need help.
I am not sure if I want to do a workshop, individual coaching, or a course.
I am tending towards individual coaching… for now.
Using soul correction, conation (look it up!) and designing an individual strategy to get you started, to put you on the winning track.
Obviously the execution is up to you. But at least you’ll know what you are not doing, if you remain stuck.
Contact me if this is something you’d like to do…
