I am continuing the work of gathering all my products on one site… More than 200!
It’s amazing how much I have to offer… I am embarrassed to tell you that with more than 200 products that work, I am barely scraping by on what I earn.
But, this is how it goes.
If you don’t know what you have, if it is all over the place, if people don’t know what you have, or how to get it from you… you’ll be poor.
This applies to most of you, maybe all of you.
You have a lot more to offer than what you are offering.
Why? Mostly because what is using your life isn’t interested in you being rewarded for your talent, skills, or products.
What is using your life is more interested in you suffering. No kidding.
One of the things I saw is using my life is the fear of being misunderstood, being taken advantage of.
Given my history, it makes sense, but it is more damaging than what it protects me from.
The behavior that is not allowed for me is KINDNESS. Maybe I am reading more into it, because neither of my brothers is EVER kind… and neither were my parents. So I saw no role model for kindness.
And yet, some of my lack of kindness, lack of willingness to be kind, comes directly from my history, or maybe was proven to be the right way to be, by my history.
The reason I am not firm on this, because nothing is firm in the dominion of inner causes and effects.
Because you are both causing and experiencing what you don’t want, one cannot draw a line where your self-destructive behavior ends and where the circumstances make you suffer.
Of course this is not limited to self-destructive behavior: surprisingly it can be seen in positive, life affirming behavior as well.
When you are in love, for example, the whole world is rushing to your aid.
When I had my breakthrough in 1985, to say yes to a trip to the USA, everyone was supporting me… from the American Consul, to the co-workers. It was, suddenly, and temporarily, a whole new world.
And the dark side: the student who has been sending me dubious, cryptic messages that, on the surface, feel insulting… After an hour long conversation it is clear that she fears and unconsciously causes to be someone no one wants to listen to… who has no permission to speak… for reasons of making no sense… lol. I almost fell for it.
Don’t kid yourself: if you are human you have this.
It is a good idea to go within and find out your worst nightmares.
They are your worst nightmares because they never cease to be within the dominion of possible, maybe even probably, because of the dynamic I described above.
Being ostracized is one of the worst nightmares… maybe even worse than being taken advantage of.
Being called stupid, or ugly, or worthless, in an of itself is not that bad… unless it threatens you to be thrown out of the society of humans: a certain death it would have been tens of thousands of years ago.
Today it is not impossible to live like that… but it is not desirable.
If I am not accepted, at least by the people who buy my stuff, I’ll starve, emotionally, intellectually, and financially.
So once you find your worst nightmare, take it a step or two further to its ultimate threat.
What is it?
Not being loved? Not belonging to the human race? Starving? Death?
Go deep and don’t be flippant.
The first thing you see may not be the real thing…
I’ll muscletest whatever you say… so I can guide you closer, if needed.
PS: If you are barely scraping by… it may mean that you want to sell something other than what is valuable for others. Here is an offcolor meme… if you are squeamish, don’t click.
Yes, in a way, I’m being passive-aggressive toward Life itself. Who is running me? Am I even making choices? Whew, this is…something.
I can kind of see that I am doing this little tap dance on the surface of things, trying to address life from the levels of mind and personality.
how about being passive? Not flamboyant, as in the leopard print scarf… but passive, like an effect, pretending that you are powerless or weak?
Remember: it is not true… but you live as if it is a question if it is true… alternately suffering from it, and making it happen.
Using your energy, using your life force, using your curiosity not on making something great happen, but on exploring this oscillating structure of dead end.
No. The closest I came to that was wearing an orange leopard print scarf that I bought on the street. That was pretty gay. I wore it to test myself. I was a little fabulous in it. I did get one comment from a fellow in a group of guys as I walked past them. I am pretty certain he would not have said anything if he was alone.
that part rings true. The first one is fluff… I feel.
Weak, girly, and gay.
Now the proofing question: do you actually bring that girly, weak, and gay about… tempting abuse?
My everyday fear is having the house burn down. Part of it is losing my stuff, and my writing…my clever and precious ideas. (I’m less sentimental about my stuff than I used to be. ) A fear of having no home, no place of safety, rest, and privacy.
The other fear is of going to prison and being raped, or being locked in a dungeon as someone’s sex slave. The loss of autonomy, dignity, humanity, and personal agency. (This one is worse because it has the feeling that I might deserve to be mistreated,because I am weak, girly, gay, and unable to defend myself…not man enough.)
muscletest says that it’s the cold, hungry and danger that is really terrifying… begging isn’t.
how do you skirt this danger? Because if this is the real fear, you are.
becoming a beggar on the street, cold, hungry, in danger
can you see how you are both the perpetrator and the victim there?
Deep down, I fear being too naive and being killed by someone taking advantage of my trust.