I got the following story in an email. Great story to illustrate context. Another word for context is frame, because it is outside of the picture, it is not part of the picture, yet the picture changes when the frame changes, just like the stories of your life change when you manage to change the context, even if the new context has to be helped by a coach, like myself.
You see, what makes the stories and their meanings stuck is that the frame, that the context is invisible.
If it were readily visible, you would see to it that you change it. But as with everything that makes you miserable, it is the invisible that needs to be made visible, if you ever hope to get rid of the misery.
Some of the invisible context is part and parcel with your soul correction: the soul correction is a particular distorting lens through which you view the world and yourself.
In my conversations with people they act out their soul correction yet they can’t see it.
Once it becomes visible, choice becomes possible. Not options, but authentic choice.
For example, for the person with “Sharing the Light” soul correction, protecting themselves and their assets is the primary issue. It makes them unable to even look for a higher purpose they are so wrapped up in protecting their own perceived endangered self. They cannot have meaning to their life, other than self-protection.
They argue, they justify, they even attack like an attack dog if you ask them to go beyond… It is the invisible that defines them, and it stays invisible, unless they can see it accidentally… Very hopeless work for a coach.
Most of what gives us our lives, the way we live, the way we think, the way we choose is defined by the invisible context given by religion, by tradition, by our soul correction.
What happens in the below story is unusual, but we could also look at it differently: the “hero” of the story also has a culturally, soul correction defined fixed frame, fixed context, that will make them act like a nonchalant hero…
Would you have done what Roberto De Vincenzo did?
And would you have responded the way he did after the event?
Here is the story:
Roberto De Vincenzo — a renowned Argentinian golfer — once won a tournament with a substantial cash prize.
After receiving his check and smiling through interviews and photos in the clubhouse, he walked out to his car.
In the parking lot a young woman approached De Vincenzo and broke down crying.
She told him her baby girl was seriously ill and near death.
She went on to say her baby girl needed an operation to save her life but she had no money to pay the doctors’ bills and hospital expenses.
The woman was distraught with the burden of her hopeless situation.
So De Vincenzo — who was so moved by her story — did a most generous thing: he (right there in the car park) took out his winning check and endorsed it over to the distressed young lady.
“Make some good days for your child,” he said as he handed her over the check.
The following week, De Vincenzo was having lunch at the next tour stop when a PGA official approached him and said:
“Several members of the parking lot crew told me you met a young woman after the tournament last week”.
De Vincenzo nodded.
“Well,” said the official, “I hate to tell you — she’s a phony. She has no sick kid. I’m sorry my friend, but that lady fleeced you.”
De Vincenzo responded:
“You mean there’s no dying baby girl?!”
“That’s right!” said the official.
“Well, that’s the best news I’ve heard all week!” De Vincenzo shot back and tucked back into his lunch with a smile on his face.
That’s story – perhaps better than any –sums up the concept of framing.
As in: You always get to choose how you frame a situation.
When something seemingly disastrous happens in your life, or when things don’t seem to be going your way — you can choose to re-frame the situation so you “see it” in a completely new and positive light.
Something to remember when you come up against a seeming setback!
Here two more rendition of the same story: same story, different renditions. Now, I want you to pay attention to the conclusion the speaker (Zig Ziglar) draws. Although it is inspiring, it doesn’t give you ACCESS to be like Roberto de Vincenzo, it leaves you still wondering how you could be like him, one day, some day. And so is with the second rendition…
The problem: concepts cannot change the frame, only distinguishing your frame and then creating, consciously, a new frame that allows for the world to be the world is, people do what they do, without effecting you or your well being, or your feelings about yourself.
Work like that is extraordinary, and only happens in a controlled environment where inspiration is secondary, transformation is primary, like in my Playground coaching program.
The Best News
Roberto de Vincenzo, a golfer from Argentina, won another tournament. After they gave him the check, he spent a great deal of time in the dressing room. He was in no particular hurry. When he got out to the parking lot, it was empty except for a young woman. She approached him saying she didn’t have a job, her sick baby was at the point of death, and she didn’t have the money to pay the hospital or the doctors. De Vincenzo signed his tournament winnings over to the young woman and went on his way.
The next week he was in a country club. One of the PGA officials told him he had been the victim of a fraud – that the young woman didn’t have a baby and was not even married. De Vincenzo said, “You mean there is not a sick baby at all?” The official said, “That’s right.” De Vincenzo said, “You have just given me the best news I’ve heard all year long.”
Where’s your heart? What’s your attitude? How would you have felt under the circumstances? Who had the greater problem – the golfer or the young woman? I think it is obvious, isn’t it? How many of you think de Vincenzo really brooded the rest of his life over that woman who had beaten him out of that check? I don’t think he gave it another thought. He was truly glad that there had not been an ill child. Now that takes compassion, it takes heart, but it also takes wisdom.A heart like his, one that is honest, expects the best and holds no malice. It is developed over a lifetime. Roberto de Vincenzo at some point decided he was responsible for his circumstances in life, that he had control over how he responded to disappointment, and that a good attitude and a trusting heart offered many more rewards than their counterparts. Make the same decision for yourself and relax into a more fulfilling life.
Message: It’s not what happens to you; it’s how you handle it that will determine whether you are happy or miserable.
And the third retelling of the story:
Life From the Inside–Out
Roberto De Vincenzo, the renowned Argentinean professional golfer, once won a tournament with a substantial cash prize. After receiving his check and smiling through interviews and photos, he went to the clubhouse and prepared to leave. Sometime later, as he walked to his car in the parking lot, he was approached by a young woman. She offered well wishes on the victory and then told him that her baby was seriously ill and near death, but she had virtually no money to pay doctors bills and hospital expenses. De Vincenzo was so moved by her story that right on the spot, he took out a pen and endorsed the winning check over to the woman. “Make some good days for the child,” he said as he pressed the check into her hand.
The following week, De Vincenzo was having lunch at the next tour stop when a PGA official came over to speak with him. “Several members of the parking lot crew told me you met a young woman there after the tournament last week.” De Vincenzo nodded. “Well,” said the official, “I hate to tell you- she’s a phony. She has no sick kid. I’m sorry my friend, but that girl fleeced you.” De Vincenzo responded, “You mean there’s no dying baby?” “That’s right.” “That’s the best news I’ve heard all week,” Di Vincenzo answered.*
If ever a story captures the truth that external circumstances have no power to regulate one’s thinking, feelings, and decisions, the above plight of Roberto De Vincenzo certainly fits the bill. Ultimately, we have no ability to control the actions of others, but we must also understand that these actions have no ability to control us. While some may classify De Vincenzo’s generous act as ignorant or even foolish, he knew that the winner’s purse was far more essential to an ailing and destitute child, than it was to him. And discovering that (in his mind) there was one less sick kid in the world, was much more important than allowing his thinking to play victim to a desperate scam.
In truth, this story shows that it is up to each of us to do what we think is right, and then simply to release the act to the universe. When the intention is pure, we see that what others do with our choices has little to do with us, and in time life will settle everything into its proper place. Plus, how others respond to our purpose is solely up to them, for they will ultimately have to face the consequences of their own decisions and actions.
Roberto De Vincenzo won an immense total of 230 golf tournaments worldwide in his career. Much more significantly however, he used this notoriety to bring relief and hope to millions of poor people in his Argentinean homeland. Therefore, as the above story illustrates, when we live life from the inside out, it becomes extremely easy to act in harmony with our own values, swim with the flow of life, and to create abundant success. The poignant thing about De Vincenzo’s life is how it can help us recognize the many possibilities in this inner understanding. For, knowing that he was in charge, not external events, made De Vincenzo an awesome competitor (Hall of Fame) and a compassionate human being (Bob Jones Award, service to others) at the very same time.
Ultimately the issue is: talking about flying isn’t. Talking about sex isn’t. Talking about being generous isn’t…
The problem is talking. The problem is mind. The problem is that the inspiring words above are trying to change your mind.
But mind will never be able to change the frame, change the context, because mind can’t see it, can’t appreciate it. Mind only cares about being right… not about you or the quality of your life.
I have three coaching programs, only one of them goes around the mind and offers real transformation: the Playground.
Don’t misunderstand me: I do a lot of good work, a lot of good teaching on the others, but real transformation only happens in the strict and controlled environment of the Playground. That is why I am “pushing” it… lol. Forgive me? I hope so.
