Tag: Harmonize audio

No matter what I do… A great self-deception

Do you ever use that one, “No matter what I do…”?

I caught myself saying that today. It was regarding eating. I used to have it in every area of my life, but it seems that the Harmonize audio has zapped that excuse almost completely out of use.

The “No matter what I do…” is not for public consumption, very rarely, if ever, I hear it from a student. I feel it, and I identify it… the answer is always a chuckle.

The feeling is a tight belt or rope from underarm to underarm. Painful, restricting, completely blocking your movement forward. Self-imposed, unreal, much more effective than anything real that you need to face.
The behavior: no action. Not even an attempt. It is used as a jolly joker in card games: it replaces any action with the statement. If you can say: “No matter what I do…” plus no action: for you it is as good as have acted and failed.

The chuckle is irrepressible, it is like a micro-expression, it happened before you are conscious that it’s coming. Then it disappears as fast as it came, and you are back again in the seriousness of your victimhood.
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What do you use to justify staying small?

This has been the question we’ve been asking, I have been asking, for about two weeks now, myself, and my students.

I could ask this question of any and all human beings, and would find some way.

The nature of Life is to grow, expand, but the behavior of modern human would indicate that the opposite is true, that the purpose of life is survival, that the purpose of life is looking good and making it. Watching human beings you would think that the less one grows the happier they will be.

I am reading Osho again, after making a brief detour to Ayn Rand and Aravind Adiga for a month or two. He spoke for some 35 years, and every talk he gave has been transcribed. A lot of talk, it is as if he blogged for 35 years. I have written 800 articles in the past 18 months, he gave hundreds and hundreds of talks to his followers.

He was an exception to the above “human” rule: he was growing, expanding, most of his life.

When I look at myself, I am often hesitant to act, hesitant to disagree publicly, and almost completely unwilling to negotiate. I feel frozen, and stiff, shrinking. It is as if my very life were threatened: I haven’t been able to see what is at the root of it, and I am both curious and terrified.
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Postponement: are you guilty of it?

When I think about procrastination, I limit my thinking to stuff that I don’t do that has to be done, should be done.

Today I saw another category of stuff, that I didn’t know it was procrastination, because that is the below the water level of stuff I don’t do: postponement.

I am playing the Avatar Audio in the background, now 24/7. To my surprise, the water level seems to go down and more of the hidden stuff emerges.

You can’t catch what you don’t see… and I am seeing stuff I have never seen before, or if I have, just glimpses, you know the kind that you even wonder if you saw anything at all, or if it was a dream.

I am planning to move in a few months, and this is a great opportunity (albeit unpleasant!) to look at the stuff that has been neglected, postponed, not dealt with, swept under the rug, treated as if it didn’t matter or didn’t exist.

It is very un-guru-like, very not Avatar-like to have heaps of stuff swept under the rug, but truth is truth, and that is what I am starting to see.
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