gap
I just watched a documentary on youtube.
It’s about a savant who accidentally has social skills and maybe all around intelligence. Most savants are autistic with no social skills, and no real ability to give scientists insight into their brain through the spoken word. Daniel, the math/memory savant therefore is unique.
I watched it for one reason: I am called an empath, but I am not an ‘ordinary’ empath. The ability to feel another person, accurately, makes me a savant, some freak of nature.
I hate that. It makes me feel alone.
I don’t seem to have a choice: other than doing what I am a savant at, everything else makes me bored, bothered, and even more alone that actually being alone.
The other reason I hate the idea that I am a savant is that it says there is no bridge between me and non-savants, that the gap I have been experiencing, the gap that has been growing faster and faster as the years pass, makes it impossible for me to make any meaningful contribution to humanity.
My last resort context for my life has been, for quite some time, to be someone who ‘plants trees that I will never sit under their shadows of’ is also starting to crumble: if the gap is too big, and if the tendency of humans to shrink continues, then I am wasting my life and the trees will never sprout, they will never grow. Not a good feeling.
I need to return to another invented context of being a shining beacon…
…and concentrate on my own growth, my own actions penetrating the mysteries I can penetrate, and document them. Document them whether there is anyone, whether there will be anyone who can follow me deep into the rabbit hole or not.
the rabbit hole is a more symbolic metaphor, but actually it feels more like a deep forest, undiscovered by humans, and I need to feel my way through it, towards a yet unknown destination, that promises some reward.
Doing the kind of ‘boring a path towards the mystery of the human condition’ cannot be done in isolation, cannot be done in my head.
It needs to be done in interaction with people, through a process of attempting to lead them towards their potential, and failing. Through frustration, through missteps, through heartbreak. Through the disbelief, through the misunderstanding, through the misdirected attempts of clients and students to get instant healing, instant knowledge, instant anything.
I am lucky. As opposed to Daniel, the math savant, who can be used as a guinea pig, who can be tested, who can be paraded through life, because numbers, calculations are the dominion of the knowable, I can’t and won’t. Numbers are politically neutral. The Dark Side, the Powers That Be aren’t touched by any of it.
What I do is dangerous.
Because of the nature of the knowledge that I am digging out, because most of what I find is totally counter to the “culture” of humans, because there is no “real way” to know how and when humans started to grow backwards, become sheep, when they started to give up their individuality, or if it even happened (maybe humans were always herd animals?!) none of what I find can be exposed to “scientific exploration” because it all goes against the grain. and if there is a Dark Side.
A Dark Side a group of people who hold all of humanity in their grasp, then all research will serve their purpose as well to hide the powers behind the scene. Hide the infection of the human mind with self-serving memes. Memes to strengthen inclinations of pretense, guilt, shame, anger, sadness suppressed. Memes to weaken individuality, striving, desire to grow, etc.
So, you, my reader are stuck having no scientific proof if I am a pretender, or if I am the real deal.
You will not have any idea if what I teach is useful, unless you follow it to the extent your limited view of life, your limited understanding allows. Wholeheartedly, fully, and fearlessly.
Very few do that. When someone does it, the results have been sparkling.
Here is an email I got yesterday. I edited it for mistakes in English only: the email writer is a foreigner… with good English skills, given that she lives in the United States, yet makes some language errors that would discredit her or make understanding what she says difficult.
Hello Sophie,
Yesterday as I was looking and trying to see what you mean by pretending. I was led to read a lot of your articles. I wanted to see and find a missing puzzle piece.
Two of your articles really helped me get it and see what I couldn’t see. One I read said that there are (in reality) no bad or good people but there are either an individual or a puppet person. That the individual knows that no matter what another does or says it’s not about them.
Another one was Case study #4 on Landmark Education. (In the article) You were talking about an exercise they gave you and it was to work with someone with whom your relationship is not the best and by fate, the choice fell on your father.
(what you said in the article) touched me so much.
I was crying. I went back to my childhood scenarios that you and I have worked on and I could see that it was me who built a view of the world the way I saw it through my child’s eyes. That it’s not that my mother or grandmother didn’t love me, it was me saying that. I created a life the way I thought life should be “that they should love me in a certain way and that they should love my dad the way he is”.
All of a sudden I had compassion for my mother and I saw the hard childhood she lived through. Her behaving hateful and mean was not about me, and yet I decided that life was miserable because of the decision I made in that environment, when I was a child. Being free from the past gives me so much peace!
In this culture of pretense sometimes it’s hard for me to catch myself pretending because to me it is common sense to be nice and sweet to those who are around me. It’s harder to do things that are not common sense. In the first article that I mentioned above you say that an individual knows that what other people do, say, or be, has nothing to do with him. Puppet human reacts to everything that is happening around him as if it were personal. It is so powerful.
I would like to have this context “Being an Individual.” It really inspires me.
After finishing reading your articles and processing them, my phone rang at 11 pm and it was my mom. Usually my stomach would turn upside down but not this time. I picked up the phone with a context of “being fully present” and a sub-context of “being compassionate” to her. I have to admit that was the best conversation we have ever had.
She didn’t change and didn’t say anything different but for the first time I didn’t have to pretend like I am listening to her and react to her conversation, I was actually present with her. Talking about this makes me want to cry. Without invented context it wouldn’t have happened. Thank you so much Sophie for all the hard work you’ve put in working with me.
PS. links to the articles: https://yourvibration.com/235/landmark-education/ and https://yourvibration.com/3520/arrogance/
Thank you.
Very interesting, John, when I first read your comment, I said: I don’t need your affirmation, I am who I am… But a few minutes later I read my Rob Breznyi horoscope for the week, and I must put it here, because it’s so fitting:
Yeah, owning being significant, owning that I have special skills well developed, owning that I can make a difference if I learn how to work with you more convincingly is hard. I experience fear. Fear of success, you could say. Fear of retribution, you could say. The little cowardly self says: “better stay small that get killed, get tortured, get diminished….” Oh well, too late for that… lol
Thank you for your words of acknowledgment.
You are neither a freak nor a fraud, but a gifted person with a big heart and a tenacious vision. You were sent to help us freaks and frauds wake up!