Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Clarity is power… Unclarity traps you. Makes you stuck.
I have lived in three countries.
I was pretty in the first country. And I was normal in the second. And I have been mostly exotic and ugly in the third.
Because what you are most used to, what is like what you saw as a child is what is pleasing to you. Even though philosophers have defined beauty through and through… and yet.
Why am I writing about this now?
I signed up for a challenge and the leader there is a Russian woman. Wide rounded face, wide nose, and I find her ugly.
But what she says is excellent. I resonate. So I am a tad conflicted… I resonate and I have distaste. Two opposing sensations… alternating… a tad jarring.
I have been following her instructions, and I am experiencing suddenly clarity. Her no nonsense simple method works for me better than the expensive course I am paying for.
You see, the more complicated the method the less I am able to find my way, find my feet, and trust myself.
So what the other guy asks me to say in 10-15 words, this woman asks me to say in two or three…
Because the ‘goal’ is the same, to have new and already trusting clients is the bread and butter of any business, both programs need to increase my visibility.
I have been doing this business for 12 years now, and this is the first time where if someone asks me what I do, I would know what to say.
I help people to get unstuck and get going. People who know they could do better in life. In health, in wealth, in love, and in fulfillment.
And I checked every single course, every single program, every single article and yes, that is what I do.
The interesting thing is that you can get stuck in so many different ways, and likely you will not know how to get unstuck.
And maybe I don’t know either. So I need many many tools to be able to take you through them. It’s a lot like a locked door. You don’t know which key opens it. So you go through all the keys you have… and one will hopefully fit and open the darn door.
And you don’t know, cannot know ahead of time. Because the cylinders of the lock mechanism are hidden.
I have been coaching for 35 years. And in my 35 years I haven’t met anyone, not a single person, who knew what would make them unstuck…
I have managed to get 91% of them unstuck. Not in one fell scoop, mind you. In a series of ‘scoops’… lol. Eventually.
Most coaches and courses and workshops promise to get you where you want to get to. But most coaches and courses have only one tool… one key for your locked door… and it either works or it doesn’t.
That is why the best those courses and workshops can honestly claim, is that people enjoyed the process. But that the participants got going… meaning the blockage, the locked door went away and they started to produce results? No. That almost never happens to any degree higher than 1-3%…
When I look, I have taken many such courses myself.
This latest, the course building course, is the biggest. And without this little dinky 5-day challenge by this Russian woman I was already contemplating to quit.
Because I had no clarity. I could not decide on a course topic given the instructions on how to go about it.
I had the confusion of too many choices.
But with this simple sentence: ‘I get people unstuck… with many tools…’ I can already start… I can see that many people will be able to RESONATE… because we all FEEL stuck a lot of the time.
I felt stuck. And when you feel stuck, it feels permanent. It doesn’t feel like a little thing is missing. No, it feels like nothing is working. And it feels like it’s hopeless.
That is why I was contemplating quitting, because it felt hopeless.
In the fable of the man who was three feet from gold, or the fable of the man who had a diamond field in his backyard… what they shared is that same hopelessness.
And when I look at you, when I look at the people I work with, I can often see what likely have them stuck… but they can’t.
The role of your earliest memory
One of the things that never occurs to people who are stuck is to look at their earliest memory. Look at their first incident they can remember. And consider that in that incident or shortly after that they made a decision that now, years, decades later gets them stuck in life, again and again and again.
In that incident they decided their solution to the problem. To the reason they felt dismissed, abandoned, disregarded, limited, not considered, not allowed.
To the question: what was wrong with me?
And then they glibly brought that ‘solution’ to all of life, as if it were the masterkey, as if it were all true, the story and the solution… and now they are screwed. Now they are stuck. Now they are hopeless.
Screwed, stuck, and hopeless
So one of the tools, one of the keys I have to unlock that door, is the examination of that first incident from every angle possible.
70% of all the people I have ever coached got unstuck from seeing the incident from one angle or another.
70%.
I do that work most often in small groups…
We immerse ourselves in that early incident, in how we felt. What we felt was wrong there.
To the degree you are flexible and willing enough to immerse yourself, to the degree you allow yourself to see more than just what you decided, more than just what you said then.
How I got unstuck
I once had a client who was also a naturopath. So we exchanged services.
He just completed a program the day before. A program that suggested that trauma creates physical, energetic, emotional blockages in the body. And that you can release those blockages by holding each blockage until it burns away.
Is that theory true? No, muscletest says. But did it work for me? Maybe, says muscletest. Maybe. It worked, famously, but not because of the theory.
Because the dude did something more than just held that blockage, which was, by the way, in my big toe on my right foot.
Did I believe the theory? No. But did it matter? No. Because the process included retelling the incident backwards and forwards, until it was gone.
My incident (not my first incident, but significant nevertheless) was being raped at age three. I was a toddler.
So the dude asked me to tell him what happened, and I told him the way I had always told doctors and therapists before. But he didn’t stop there. He asked me to look and see more. Smell more. Hear more. To expand my narrow picture… to include all the sensory input. ((Much like in Hubbard’s Self-Analysis))
And each retelling the story the INCIDENT became smaller and smaller part of the bigger picture… Not more significant than the feeling in my butt from the wooden slats of the seat in the train on the way home.
1996, a turning point
I tell everyone that what made 1996 a turning point was that I decided that being stupid is OK. But what I don’t tell them is that this, disappearing the trauma of rape also happened in 1996.
The connection between the two in indisputable. In my world I was raped because I was stupid. So I HAD TO BE smart… Insufferably smart. Unproductively smart.
You may not have been raped. You may have an innocent sounding story… But whatever your story is, that is what got you stuck. Has you stuck now. I am 70% certain that dealing with that can and will get you unstuck, and get you going.
And the 30% for whom it doesn’t work: I have a ton more in my toolbox for them.
Because that is what I do: I get people unstuck and get them going.
Isn’t that beautiful?
In two days, on Thursday, at 1 pm EDT we’ll have another workshop where we’ll look at that original incident through the angle of the need that wasn’t fulfilled…
The need to belong, the need to matter, the need to be valued, the need to be comforted, etc.
There is one more opening in this workshop… It’s almost full.
I’d prefer someone who has had this conversation in some form, not someone who is brand new… Because all the other people in the workshops are long time participants.
Distinctions, the building block of clarity
If you are new, and you are burning to start something… I recommend the 53 invisibles program to familiarize yourself with the distinctions that ultimately lead to clarity.
You see, the word-traps, word-cages work, because people attempt to define what they want, and definition, by its nature, is unclear. It doesn’t set the boundaries of the thing it talks about, therefore every single person understands something different by it.
And therein lies its tricky nature… it traps you.
We, here, at Sophie’s, only deal with distinctions… where what we talk about is defined not by what’s inside, but by what isn’t… the boundaries.
So we see it clearly… instead of fuzzily, vaguely, like the rest of humanity.
That puts you head and shoulder about the rest…
So here is your buy button for the 53 invisible dynamics… An invaluable education.
Get the invisible distinctions
