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It’s like a root canal…
Until you yank the roots of your misery, you can’t get better.
Imagine that your tooth is your life. You don’t want to yank your life. that would mean dying. But you can yank the root, the part that makes it hurt…
Or you can self-medicate.
Take drugs,
Drink
Sex
numb yourself…
get religious. it will divert your attention from your life
All self-medications are harmful, because they cement the notion that how it is is wrong.
And wrongs need to be fixed, right?
Two things about that:
Wrongs don’t need to be fixed. Moreover, they can’t be fixed.
Why? Because wrong is a word. It says that you don’t like something, you don’t agree with it, that you have a reaction to it.
When you want to fix it, try to fix it, come up with a fix, what you are doing is CEMENTING that ‘wrong’…
I know this is counter-intuitive, but if you had the time, and if you had the sight, you would see that the solution to every problem is counter-intuitive.
- Fix fixes the problem, keeps it around, keeps it as the foundation for the fix, doesn’t solve it.
- Solution, on the other hand leaves you free to be. free to be yourself, free to be happy, joyful, or sad, or whatever is that you are.
One of the most important characteristic of people who say they are happy, fulfilled, and love themselves and life is a high TLB.
TLB is the measure of not-having-to-fix what one deems as wrong.
And, of course, we, as humans deem a lot of things wrong. You, me, everyone, Even the happy people.
I have been practicing all my life allowing a wrong to be, and allowing even the urge to fix it to be, but not fixing anything.
I may react with cursing. oops, even in polite company. Also, I may react with jumping up and run to have a cup of tea.
But I do NOT fix what I see as wrong.
And I am a Virgo, very critical, very opinionated. And I am also a Forget Thyself soul correction: a perfect match to the Virgo.
But being critical doesn’t have to make me a fixing machine. I can allow wrongs to be wrongs, without me having to do anything about them. It takes a high TLB, but every wrong I allow to be strengthens my TLB. My secret. People see my critical nature. What they don’t see is that I don’t try to fix anything. It’s my secret superpower.
I am lucky, I’ve never had to. I’ve always reacted to wrong, but never tried to fix it.
So my TLB is 91%. It is still rising.
I see people’s behavior. I see politics. And I see an awful lot of wrong. Often I need to struggle, because the pull to get in with it and KILL IT! is strong. But I don’t do it.
I allow two things: I allow the wrong, and I allow my reaction to it.
Whatever you allow to be, allows you to be. It is one of the three secrets of serenity:
- accept the things I cannot change,
- change the things I can,
- know the difference between the two
Now, most people have an illusion that they can change things that don’t belong to them.
Other people, their behavior, the weather, nature, etc.
And while they fume, and carry on about things they cannot change, they don’t even see that some of the things they can change. So they don’t.
They either report to me that they cannot find anything wrong, or they claim that all the wrongs are independent from them, and they are powerless to change any of them.
My hunch is that there is a hefty payoff from both.
Payoff is a payment under the table. immoral, indecent, unethical.
But in both cases the payoff is that they don’t have to be responsible. For anything. For their lives. Really, for anything.
The payoff is that they can sit pretty being a victim. Not my favorite seat in the house, even though I sat in it for many years of my life.
You can’t be a victim and be happy. And be effective. And be fulfilled. Even attractive.
You are the dark rain clouds in the sky, and people look for shelter from you. They don’t want you to rain on them.
So, as any and every payoff, it comes with a cost. And I didn’t know it until I knew it.
I saw that I WAS a victim at age 38 in an exercise. I saw it. It was both funny and ugly.
The world of other people instantly noted the change. and instead of running from me, they came towards me.
How did they know? They knew it as surely as that a gun aimed at them is a good enough reason to run. Duck.
In the years since then I caught more victim beingness. the last one I caught was two years ago.
But think I still have some unacknowledged. instances, circumstances where I don’t take responsibility. Where I don’t say: I am causing that…
So I am still keeping my eyes open so I can catch and see fully that it’s me. that I am not the victim. That I am in fact the perpetrator.
When you see something wrong and you rail against it: you are playing victim.
When you can leave it alone, then you took responsibility that it’s not your job to fix the world. Will you?
Depending on how many goodies you get because you are a victim of wrongs, you can or you can’t.
Your life, the quality, the amount of joy, love, fulfillment depends on what you say. Whether you say you can. and whether you say you can’t.
But beware: talk is cheap. Talking about flying isn’t.
Saying you let sleeping dogs lie while you rail against them is lying.
Start small. Don’t try to allow everything all at once. That is the urge to fix EVERYTHING right there. A move to prove that in fact you are a victim.
Your TLB is likely zero.
Let’s get to the root of your wrongsPS: if you are in the Allowing Challenge:
as long as you are staring at the wrong or the lack of it, I know you are still indulging in victimhood.
You know that you have really allowed when wrong allows you to be. Pay attention to what you are doing, where you are going. Where your power can be expressed. Where you can cause result.
Not there yet? Don’t force it. If you do, you just revealed another wrong. Another wrong that needs to be fixed.
PPS: One more thing: Don’t be a bull attacking a red piece of cloth.
Most problems cannot be solved by attacking them directly. The more you focus on the problem the less solvable it becomes. Again, counter intuitive, but true.
When I look at your legitimate problems, the problems that are up to you to solve, what I find is narrow cone of vision. Looking at it from a narrow self-interest, instead of from all angles, to find a handhold that can move something.
I find low IQ. And often, even when I suggest a key to the solution to you, you reject it. I guess because you are smarter than me?
One of the reasons chess players can do better in life is because they can see that winning is a process of many many thoughtful steps… If you are bullish by nature, you don’t like playing chess… and you can’t win in life.
PPS: Remember, my offer for a free health measurements report is time sensitive…
Use the coupon code! No strings
