When someone says: get present: what do YOU mean by that?

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When someone says: get present… what do YOU mean by that?

I have noticed that people often know the ‘what’ but completely miss the ‘how’.

I am almost certain that when I say ‘how’, you don’t even know where to look.

And I am almost certain that that unawareness, that ignorance, that ‘I have no idea what you are talking about‘ came from your upbringing, from your parents.

The more your parents were involved with your upbringing the more unconscious you have become.

Because parents see you as an object, see themselves as an object, and don’t allow you to grow, expand, develop naturally. They force you.

Anything forced will become crooked, and will be unconscious that they are crooked.

I was looking for pictures of 3-year-olds for another article and I saw a bunch of pictures of potty training. And I saw articles: potty training in two days, three days, and I felt the pressure, the forcing, the ‘nobody cares about what is important to you’ energy. My back started to hurt. My arms…

I could blame your parents, but they didn’t know any better.

In a world of objects being an object is how you and other people are.

No persons.

And underneath of that is your base worldview: ‘I want the world to be the way I want the world to be. I want people to be the way I want people to be. And I want to be the way I want to be.‘

Another element of that worldview: ‘I want what I want when I want it, and I don’t want what I don’t want when I don’t want it.‘

And every time you failed to get others to be what you wanted them to be, the world to be how you wanted it to be, yourself to be how you wanted yourself to be, you invented a rule to fix it.

And now you live that ‘fixed’ life… and you don’t like it. How could you?

If you could go back and could bring a different worldview, more amenable for happiness, to all your incidents, you would live a different life, a life with no rules.

A life that is like a dance.

So why did you make up rules? Because when the world, people, you weren’t the way you wanted them to be, you had it as a wrong that needed to be fixed.

I am not saying they weren’t wrong.

I am only saying that not every wrong needs to be fixed. Moreover not every wrong can be fixed either.

If the toilet is leaking… that is a wrong that probably needs to be fixed, because it can be messy and expensive.

So with things it is more likely that they can be fixed. But the world? People? You? Cannot be fixed. Because every fix has a foundation on an irrational demand, an irrational worldview, that you know how the world should be. That you are the top authority, higher than god (if you believe in god) and therefore your word is law. Law that every Tom, Dick, and Harry violates.

And you have never woken up to reality:

• The world is the way the world is. Your job is to adjust yourself to how it is.
• People are the way they are, and you can choose to interact with them or not.
• And you are the way you are. and here you may have some power, as long as you don’t think how you are is wrong.

The moment you have something as wrong, the fixing reflex kicks in.

So when you say ‘wrong’, it is your opinion. It is your reaction, but not wrong wrong wrong.

So what can you do? You can acknowledge that for you it’s wrong. It is wrong because it doesn’t fit your worldview where you are higher than god. And then… drumroll…

You allow it to be wrong… allow it to be the way it is… so it doesn’t need fixing.

• Interestingly my Irish student is phenomenal at that. And his life is becoming easier, lighter, and more unencumbered.
• My British student is occasionally doing well… but still a lot of self-righteousness there.
• My American students are doing poorly.

What is in the way when you can’t let go of your opinion?

That is the question, isn’t it? What is there that holds you back? What is there that is more precious for you than a life of ease and grace and love?

In most cases what I see is that Pain Island is not painful enough.

So how do you make Pain Island more painful, so you can start living a life you can love?

By creating contrast.

By creating a gap. Between how it is and between how it could be.

But for that you need to know what is important to you.

And what is important to you is not what you think it is…

• If you told me I’ll make a billion bucks when I get to Pleasure Island, I would say: No thanks.
• Fame and success? Still a no.
• Feel that I matter? That I am worth keeping? That I am not a throwaway? Yes… that is waiting for me on Pleasure Island? Yeah, let’s go. I am ready.

Those sentences came straight from my first incident, the break in belonging incident.

It is also what we call the ITCH.

And this, that the gap is made up of how it is and your ITCH fulfilled is what is missing for most people, for people who don’t or can’t grow.

• For the little girl who won the race… being celebrated…
• The other little girl: for her it is to be treated like she was a person… deserving.
• For a third little girl is to believe that they don’t have to carry all the load to feel good about themselves.
• For this little boy over here, is to be treated like he can… because he is not weak.

If you don’t know what is your ITCH, you are not going to be able to grow.

You won’t be able to construct the gap to give you enough energy to move from one island to the next.

If you look outside, if you look for what other people would consider the Pleasure Island for you, then you probably are on the wrong track. Even if you are looking at what I want for you… and repeat my words ad nausea…

If you are not moving, you haven’t gotten your ITCH yet.

Therefore the most important thing to do is to get really deep what it is that you didn’t get that without it life cannot be good.

I had, back in 2014, nine workshops.

And the issue has been that seeing what you really wanted, and that is totally and entirely up to you to give it to yourself, never landed.

My life changed when I first set eyes on the Hillel quote:

If I am not for me who is for me? And if not now, when?

That was in 1985. It took me a few decades to actually get my own role in my own happiness. In my own fulfillment. In me feeling like a person… and therefore treat others as a person.

I had not guidance because I don’t think anyone knows this secret.

I want you to know it. But not just know it as information. But know it because you are more often on Pleasure Island than not.

Pleasure Island is not a place to get. It is an experience of life…

So you CANNOT get there, you can only BE there.

So as long as you are efforting to get there, dreaming of getting there, you cannot BE there…

And the only person who can help you to be there is yourself. By giving yourself what you felt you didn’t get when you were around 3 years old… in that pesky break-in-belonging incident.

I am ready to give it another go… and take a few of you to see what it is you need to learn to give yourself and you don’t. What it is that you are waiting for the world, other people to give you… and do everything to make them do it, and they don’t.

So you waste your life efforting, hoping, and feeling a complete failure… No matter how much worldly success you may have. That wound will never heal… It can’t. But every time you give yourself what was missing, it will let you be for a while.

And that is the technology of being happy, fulfilled, and living a life you love.

Find your ITCH liveAnd for a short time I give you all previous sessions… for free.