From Pain Island to Pleasure Island… how to get unstuck

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Get comfortable with not knowing the answer

Because you won’t… and maybe for a long time.

But if you insist on knowing, then you won’t actually look, you won’t actually expand. You will keep on pondering, using only what you already ‘know’. And instead of questions that make you grow, you’ll be looking for answers, that confirm what you already ‘know’.

What you already ‘know’ is what keeps you where you are…

…and for most people where they are is not where they want to remain. If that is not you, if you are happy where you are, you may want to skip this article… I mean it.

Let’s say that you have some foggy ideas of why where you are is not good for you. But you have no idea where the island is and what’s on it, the Island you’d rather be on, where you wouldn’t have the pain you have on your current island.

So you are stuck. Literally.

Humans have a tendency to allow what they don’t want to occupy their entire visual field. But it is a physical reality that what you want isn’t inside what you don’t want.

There are ‘fixes’ visible, but even if you managed to ‘fix’ everything that is wrong, you’d still be on Pain Island… because no ‘fix’ takes you to Pleasure Island.

So the job is to get help in tearing your eyes away from what’s wrong, what you don’t like, what you don’t want, and allow someone to help you see what is really on Pleasure Island for you…

I bet you don’t know. You cannot know… because your eyes and your life are held hostage by what you don’t want.

This is what I call ‘stuck state’…

You cannot unstuck anything from inside. You have to get outside even to see where and how you are stuck. And then you need to look where unstuck would take you.

Would… I said.

It is not your normal relationship to activity to actually get you unstuck…

Your normal way is to get more and more stuck. Because getting unstuck is going out of your comfort zone. Really.

And unless you are willing you won’t.

So if you are one of those low TLB persons who are scared shitless… preventing yourself from getting inspired, I recommend the low hanging fruit method.

That is making tiny changes that clear away the way to the big move.

Let’s make up a hypothetical case.

Beautiful woman. Married. Can do a lot of things passably. Excellent hostess, arm candy, loyal to a fault.

Unhappy.

When she looks she finds all kinds of faults in herself… She is not enough of anything…

She doesn’t even know she is stuck. Why? Because she thinks she is stuck because she is the way she is, that must be wrong because she is not happy. Not fulfilled. Not looking forward to life.

Her smile is not a smile, it is a well-rehearsed facial expression, doesn’t come from her being…

What she cannot see is that she has nothing. Owns nothing. If she left her husband on her own accord or because he has suddenly an appetite for a different female, she would have nothing of her own.

No skills, no profession, no money, not a thing.

Maybe a divorce would give her something, but when? In a year or two?

So she is where she supposedly was when she graduated from college, not further.

Where is the Pleasure Island? What does it represent?

For her the Pleasure Island would essentially mean: a person. Self-reliant, self-possessed, someone who is piloting her own ship… driving her own life.

So the low hanging fruits method would loosen her obligation and her dependence so she has time for what she needs to do: learn a profession and start practicing it, so she builds something that can compete and win over what she has now.

So she would not volunteer to entertain for weeks on end. To cook as if she were the hired chef of the household. To set her schedule to her husband’s…

She would, little by little, become a person inside the marriage…

Just imagine what a single mother would do to allow her children to become independent… She would loosen the ties…

Finding the easiest ways first, and make them the new ‘rule’… not all of them all at once. That would be self-destructive, and get her out the door faster than anything.

Her best bet is to do one thing until it is done… and stable, and needs only a little maintenance, before she even LOOKS at something else to do.

Is the goal to divorce? No, The goal is to establish a personness. Become a person who can be in the marriage or outside of the marriage. Her own life. Her own success. And her own identity.

This may sounds to you that this is a woman-problem…

…but I tell you, it is not. I have men who have been trapped in family helping them and stunting their growth, their individuality as much as if they were a wife.

So how do you get help in this?

As with everything, the first step is ‘diagnosis’.

What is a diagnosis?

It is a precise, astute assessment of how it is, and what the solution looks like.

The Pleasure Island.

Unless you know where it’s going, you won’t take any actions that are effective. Guaranteed.

I am stuck too… so being stuck is not a value judgment, it’s a state

I have been wanting to move for years. But I still don’t have a ‘Pleasure Island’… nothing that attracts me, so I haven’t done anything, other than despise myself for staying.

So I am right there with you.

You can be stuck in many ways, in many places. In business. In relationships. With money. With fulfillment. Or ultimately with your health.

In the ‘What’s Missing’ Workshop we look at an area where you feel stuck, and I help you diagnose what the real pain is and what the Pleasure Island can be. Could be. For your exact situation, with your exact personality.

It is private coaching in a group setting.

At this point it is almost free. Why? Because I am working on a program that this would be the first module of…

And having many people who got an insight from it is good for them, and good for my business. I bet many of them will want to stay for some handholding, I know I would.

I would ‘kill’ for a coach who would help me define my Pleasure Island, and who would identify with me the low hanging fruit, so eventually I would be able to move…

The What’s Missing Workshop is a series… What we do in each session is essentially the same, but the participants will be at a different place. If they are not, that’s OK too… often the possibility disappears as soon as you get off the call.

So we’ll do it again… so that it sticks. I don’t mind, even if I express displeasure… and I probably will.

Displeasure is an expression of my love for you.

Not your usual way to experience love? It’s time to learn that the people who you have in your life are not really on your side… coddling you, praising you is more of the anchor you want to escape. That is if you feel stuck.

So the What’s Missing Workshop is only for people who feel stuck. In any area of life. Health, wealth, love and fulfillment.

If you just want to make more money, or have a little more time for yourself, you shouldn’t come.

OK, here is the link to sign up.

Get unstuckPS: When we look closely, there is one thing, ONE THING about moving to Pleasure Island that is more important than anything else. And when done well, when it is the Organizing Principle, it gives enough energy to everything AFTER the move… and of course it is the main energy source of the move itself.