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The Third Commandment: Get to Know Yourself… aka self-awareness
Awareness, and within it self-awareness ranks really high on the list of what are the most predictive capacities for a successful life.
Why? Because unless you interface with reality, with the world, with others, with what there is to do accurately, your actions will be misdirected… your energies are going to be used to fight windmills, and those are not the hallmarks of a successful person… in fact, to be successful, you need to use all you’ve got to live well, act rightly, and think rightly.
But, of course, most people’s self-awareness, at least in my measurements in the Starting Point measurements, is low. The highest I have measured is 30%. The average is 7%. That means 93% of what could be seen, what the person could be aware of isn’t showing up accurately in a person’s awareness.
It is either distorted, or doesn’t even show up.
And another aspect of self-awareness is an accurate evaluation of the person to the environment, to others, to what there is to do…
Among my student the most frequent combination is a certain arrogance (overvaluation) and a lack of self-trust (undervaluation).
Unless you are clear what you can do and what you can’t
Unless you are clear what you can do and what you can’t, you are going to try to do what you can’t, and won’t do what you can… not a successful way to get ahead in life.
This is how it looks in a real life example: a student of mine has been dreaming about becoming rich. He decided that sales is the way to achieve that.
So he has been wanting to learn to sell, to persuade, to write sales letters… Has read many books, listened to many audios, but hasn’t done any of the work that would make all that input gel into a successful output.
There is a disconnect between the two. He is like an older man who can’t pee… All that water and tea and coffee can’t come out…
So what’s the solution? He is putting himself in the position where he has to sell, has to write effective sales letters… without ever having to cut his teeth without having to.
It is like a medical student who has read all the books, and now is ready to operate on his father… without ever having done a surgical procedure on a cadaver, or assist in one.
Knowing of yourself that you cannot bridge words to doing is an important piece of information… self-knowledge. Now that you know, you can practice on ‘cadavers’ until the bridge is established.
Most of us are delusional about ourselves in other ways as well.
We either think we are all good or all bad. Know what you know, know what you don’t know, and start expanding. Suspect that there is a ton of stuff that you know, but you don’t know that you know it. Activate that knowledge. And suspect that there is even more stuff that you don’t know that you don’t know. A lot of it is stuff that you are sure of, but is wrong. Most of the gurus I write a review about are examples of that phenomenon. Don’t be so sure of what you know.
Self-esteem is not the thing to strive for: mass murderers have the highest self esteem of all people… Self-esteem without self-knowledge is a delusion.
You may be a man from a culture where only boys have value, where your mother told you with words and with her actions that you are a prince: just know, believing her will hurt you. Mothers like that hurt you by inflating your self-worth, prepare you for a life of disappointment and bitterness.
You are not as good as she says, and you are not as bad as other cultures’ mothers make their children feel. You are normal, and what you need to know is exactly what you are, how you are, so you can use what you have and not fancy yourself having what you don’t…
No matter what anyone says: if you look back at the second commandment that says: all goods come to you through other people, finding out what others value about you enough to take out their credit card is a better idea than just listening to your own delusional advice of yourself.
That doesn’t mean you should strive to meet other people’s expectations of you, not at all. That doesn’t mean you should strive to be liked. That doesn’t mean that people will like you for you.
People like you for their own benefit: they look at you and look how you can benefit them. And it’s OK… that is what will matter when we look at your bank balance, and your prosperity. People don’t pay for your ‘greatness’ they will pay for what your ‘greatness’ does for them. Entertain them, enrich them, excite them, teach them, or make their lives more enjoyable or easier.
So start measuring yourself and what you can do by other people’s esteem: after all they will be paying money for the value you provide, so their esteem of you and what you can provide is the yardstick by which to measure yourself: your money surely will.
Your family’s opinion doesn’t count.
They have a vested interest to make you feel big or or to make you feel small, depending on their culture. My family wants me to feel small… In my experience that is an advantage I have had all my life… I can say: Hell no! lol.
People from different cultures behave differently. For example: The strongest mathematics education is in South Korea. Yet South Korean students consider their knowledge needing improvement. Nearly the weakest mathematics education is in the United States, but when you interview students about their level of mathematics, they will say (and believe) that they are pretty good.
The best attitude to take is that you are less than who you could become, and work becoming better. That attitude never fails.
Everything you do, everything you say, everything you write shows others where you are on that continuum… there is always room (and need) for improvement.
Now, a little ‘vibrational’ stuff: When you set out for yourself to grow so you can live a good life, you want to look what is the best avenue of investment in that regard.
In my experience the two areas that have the highest return on your investment are emotional intelligence and building skills on your strengths.
In the upcoming More Money Workshop we’ll pay special attention to dig out your strengths. People normally discount their strengths, because it is too easy… that is how you know it’s a strength!
In my experience when a student is willing to accept that is what is easy for them is a strength, they become happier, and they start to produce better results in every area of their life.
The third area where you can produce the most return on your investment, time, money, effort, is managing and building habits that serve you…
That is going to be the topic of our third Saturday webinar on May 22.
Here are the Saturday webinars already scheduled:
- May 1: The Elevator Method: lift yourself from neediness, wantiness, or misery
- May 8: Personality: how it was born, how to create a better one
- May 22: Habits: Changes some, build some for a winningest life
The More Money Workshop will be always on Sundays. Only people who signed up to the waiting list and thus get a lot of pre-material preparing them for the course, will get a link to the registration.
The More Money Workshop is not about money: the money is only a side-effect of behavior, value provided, habits, personality and emotional maturity…
So no, I am not going to teach you how to make money… I am going to teach you how to be someone who makes more money… and has more fun and fulfillment.
Here is the link to sign up to the waiting list for the More Money Workshop. It is free, maybe a mistake!?. And signing up doesn’t mean to me that you will pay for the course… It’s a waiting list only, after all. Signing up expresses interest… not a commitment. The link will take you to the sales page, but instead of a buy-button, there is a signup form at the bottom.
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