I have found this article on the Inc.com website
Some of it is true, some of it was new-agey b.s. So I am culling it… And in some of them I am going to add my two cents worth… for example the pursuit of happiness… I have learned something about that from Ayn Rand that surprised me.
Just one more thing: my students in my coaching program struggle with the concept of principle.
A principle is a fundamental truth or proposition that serves as the foundation for a system of belief or behavior or for a chain of reasoning.
A principle is not something that you just pull out of your, ahem, mind. We all want to be “independent thinkers” but the path to independent thinking is through learning the principles others discovered… precisely, verbatim. So, for our purposes: a principle is quoted from someone a lot smarter than us.
A quote. not rephrased, not your take on it, but a quote. Not every quote is a principle, but every principle is a quote.
These so called truths are not principles. They are the author’s opinions. Don’t honor them as principles… And if you find that your life is based on personal opinions… try to find principles to replace them with. Really. Every single one of them. You’ll thank me for it, guaranteed.
You’ll notice that I am a lot more interested in giving you the principle of principle guidedness… than those brutal truths the guy made up… Sorry guy!
20 Brutal Truths About Life No One Wants to Admit
By Matthew Jones
It’s much easier to talk about the weather, sports, and celebrities than your fear of mortality.
Unfortunately, the more time you spend pretending that ultimate truths don’t exist, the more time you waste not being your authentic self and getting the most out of every precious second.
Time, not money, is your most valuable asset. Allow the list below to ignite the spark of motivation you need to make better use of the time you have on this planet.
Sometimes we need to head into the storm to appreciate the light and have a renewed passion for the beauty of life.
Here are 20 brutal truths that every single person needs to hear.
- 1. You’re going to die and you have no idea when.Stop pretending that you’re invincible. Acknowledge the fact of your own mortality, and then start structuring your life in a more meaningful way.
- 2. Everyone you love is going to die, and you don’t know when.This truth may be saddening at first, but it also gives you permission to make amends with past difficulties and re-establish meaningful relationships with important figures in your life.
- 3. Your material wealth won’t make you a better or happier person.Even if you’re one of the lucky ones who achieves his or her materialistic dreams, money only amplifies that which was already present. You are wretched… you’ll get more of that.
- 4. Your obsession with finding happiness is what prevents its attainment.Happiness is always present in your life–it’s just a matter of connecting to it and allowing it to flow through you that’s challenging.OK, my addition: if you have happiness as a goal, something you can attain, you are going to be miserable. But if you have happiness as doing what you enjoy pursuing… a full expression of your ability to produce, results, a life, then the pursuit of happiness is a worthwhile activity.But if you expect to feel happy… you’ll be disappointed.Feelings are totally out of our control, and the pursuit of them is the pursuit of the drug high… I recommend that. It’s cheaper.
- 5. Donating money does less than donating time. Giving your time is a way to change your perception and create a memory for yourself and others that will last forever.OK, between you and me, don’t donate anything. Unless there is a selfish reason to give of yourself, your money, your time, don’t do it. Don’t joint the moocher culture. Of course, if you can learn something, and this is the fastest and cheapest way to learn… that is a worthwhile selfish payoff… so do it. But if it is cheaper to do a course… cheaper in time, then do that.
- 6. You can’t make everyone happy, and if you try, you’ll lose yourself.Stop trying to please, and start respecting your values, principles, and autonomy.
- 7. You can’t be perfect, and holding yourself to unrealistic standards creates suffering.Many perfectionists have unrelenting inner critics that are full of so much rage and self-hate that it tears them apart inside. Fight back against that negative voice, amplify your intuition, and start challenging your unrealistic standards.
- 8. Your thoughts are less important than your feelings and your feelings need acknowledgment. Intellectually thinking through your problems isn’t as helpful as expressing the feelings that create your difficulties in the first place.
I teach that all feelings are marker feelings… Created by words. If you can get to the words, you can change the feeling. Emoting will not help anyone and anything. - 9. Your actions speak louder than your words, so you need to hold yourself accountable. Be responsible and take actions that
increase positivity and love.are consistent with your words… But make sure your words come from peace and coherence… Threats, complaints, are words, but not the words you want to follow up on. Sometimes you’ll be angry. You can then preface your angry words: “I am angry now, and I probably will regret what I am saying in a minute or two, but I need to vents, so would you be willing to just hear it, please?” instead of trying to neutralize your words AFTER you blurted them out. Damage is never completely repaired. Never. No matter how much time, and how much talk tries to repair what you said. - 10. Your achievements and successes won’t matter most on your death bed.
When your time has come to transition from this reality, you won’t be thinking about that raise; you’ll be thinking about the enjoyment you had, the fulfillment you had, the quality of life you had, including the relationships you’ve made–so start acting accordingly. Re: five complaints of the dying… - 11. Your talent doesn’t mean much without consistent effort and practice.
Some of the most talented people in the world never move out from their parent’s basement. - 12. Now is the only time that matters, so stop wasting it by ruminating on the past or planning the future.You can’t control the past, and you can’t predict the future, and trying to do so only removes you from the one thing you can control–the present.
- 13. Nobody cares how difficult your life is.Stop looking for people to give you sympathy and start creating the life story you want to read. Now… sometimes you do need to share… but you need to ask permission to do that… I do this occasionally, and I feel better. It is like dumping… once the stuff is gone, i can talk about anything… Just make sure you dump your stuff… instead of stringing people along.
- 14. Your words are important. Words have the power to oppress, hurt, and shame, but they also have the power to liberate and inspire–start using them more wisely.
- 15. Investing in yourself is selfish, Self-ish. It’s the most worthwhile thing you can do. “If I don’t love me, who will?”
- 16. It’s not what happens, it’s how you react that matters.Train yourself to respond in a way that leads to better outcomes.
- 17. You need to improve your relationships to have lasting happiness.Relationships have a greater impact on your well being and happiness than your income or your occupation, so make sure you give your relationship the attention and work it deserves.
But, warning, don’t live your life for another’s sake. - 18. Pleasure is temporary and fleeting, so stop chasing fireworks and start building a constellation.Don’t settle for an ego boost right now when you can delay gratification and experience deeper fulfillment.
- 19. Your ambition means nothing without execution–it’s time to put in the work.If you want to change the world, then go out there and do it!
- 20. Time is your most valuable asset–you need to prioritize how you spend it.You have the power and responsibility to decide what you do with the time you have, so choose wisely.
OK, was this useful? Comment below…
