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On Saturday, January 3rd, at exactly 5:42 pm my nose started to bleed. By the time I grabbed something to hold to my nose I was soaked in blood. Red, thick, beautiful blood. Scary. My inner eyes projected a scenario: me, on the floor, dead, in a pool of blood.
I checked my pulse and it was bang, bang, bang, unusually strong. ‘I must have high blood pressure‘ I thought. Both my parents died of broken blood vessels… and both my brothers have high blood pressure.
The blood eruption repeated itself at 11:02 pm, three times on Sunday, and twice on Monday.
Monday night, as I was staring at the blank wall contemplating the chances of dying, I suddenly saw my Kabbalah teacher in my mind’s eye. She recently recovered from a nasty disease, and it had done her a world of good. She literally transformed herself during the months of her illness.
Suddenly, I knew that the same was happening to me.
I knew that this scare was a gift, and it was a blessing. Seemingly in disguise.
The next thing I knew, the bleeding stopped, and it hasn’t come back, knock on wood, for two whole days.
I wrote the above back in 2005…
Naomi had been my Kabbalah teacher for three or four years. We butt heads all the time.
When she first called in 2003 she dislodged me from a place of complacency.
I both appreciated and resented her. Talking to her, being in a relationship with her cost me money, it cost me comfort.
We had been through together a lot, sometimes having shouting matches. I decided many times that I would never talk to that uncaring b.. again.
But I had grown more from her not agreeing with me than from all the adoration I had gotten from other teachers and coaches.
I think that our relationship was a soul mate relationship.
She rubbed me the wrong way, there was friction, there was chafing, and there was growth.
All of life is about growing, and soul mates are the secret allies to that. A half heavenly half hellish alliance.
A real soul mate won’t let you off the hook.
The American ideal of always agreeing and always having a good time isn’t designed for growth. It is designed for staying the same.
Soul mate relationship is about growth. Remember, the irritation caused by the sand in a sea shell makes it grow a beautiful jewel, a pearl. So is it with humans… you can grow yourself to be something special through a soul mate’s friction.
Thank you Naomi.
I have become a teacher and I have been modeling myself after Naomi. To be like a soul mate. A soul mate to my students. To my students who want me to agree with them, coddle them, and make it comfortable for them.
So they don’t grow. So they don’t have to grow.
No way!
