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Why do women, why do mothers, hold you back under the guise of protecting you?
I always ponder why things are the way they are.
I ask why more than once, more than three times… I ask and look.
One question that makes me ask why a lot nowadays, why is it that certain cultures have most children live their lives in mother-child, and why do others let the child live, where they should move to, to become independent, in father-child.
I have a theory, and like any theory it needs to be tested and tested again.
This theory is this:
If the men of a culture consider women inferior, if the men of a culture are a threat or viewed as threat to the children’s survival or well-being, the mother doubles up on protecting them. Protecting them from life.
So the children never grow up.
In my various businesses in three countries I have served men from many countries, and formed my opinion through how they behaved with me. Whether I got respect, whether I was considered equal.
Here is an unexpected recall: In Israel I worked for the City of Jerusalem, and had contact with hundreds of different people from all ethnicity and all levels of religiousness.
I visited Mea Shearim, an ultra-religious European (Ashkenazi) Jews, who weren’t really allowed to look me in the eye. But they accepted my authority, without argument, and with deep respect.
It was one of the best experiences I had as an architect, in any country.
I also had clients who hailed from Syria: they were seemingly accommodating, but were abusive and usurious.
In the United States I had Italian and Greek clients, who made me walk behind them. Who didn’t hesitate to ask if I had breast implants… no respect, no authority, a really bad, demeaning experience.
Indian men: slightly worse.
Black men: no problem. Of course there are lots of cultures in Africa.
Irish: abusive.
English: a mixed bag.
Russian: abusive
I have some 300 African women in my ketosis Facebook group: most of them are protective of their children, and try to appease their man.
The best place to look is how much education is a girl allowed to have.
or How free is a woman to choose a husband… against tradition.
Alcoholic fathers activate the mother’s protective instincts and relegate the child to TLB 1 living in mother-child.
And then there are the unexplained cases: why is my Polish student so firmly entrenched in the field of mother-child, where growth is frowned upon and therefore not very likely? Why is he treating his father with disdain?
I don’t know. So many questions… so complex an issue…
Obviously I don’t have a simple answer.
I am very lucky my mother didn’t feel a need to protect me. Or to love me.
PS: I don’t want to believe that it is the Oedipus complex… ugh. I hope not.
PPS: Many cultures prefer a male offspring. China took it to the nth degree: hundreds of thousands of men can’t find a wife now.
All my Chinese students, past and present, were born girls, and not loved… but are still TLB 1 and live in the field of mother-child.
I need more thinking.
