My friend from my youth, Panni, just turned 70 years old.
Her family, husband, two sons, made a video for her, interviewing friends. She lives in Budapest, where we graduated from Architecture School together, 46 years ago.
It was interesting to watch. I witnessed friendships for friendship sake, I witnessed Americans with no insight, only asking: when are you coming to the USA?
I witnessed gratitude. She moved from the suburbs to this big old building with many apartments. And promptly organized the neighbors into a community.
This is her strength. Community builder. Someone who causes you to be able to fulfill your need for a group.
I contemplated to be envious for the love that seemed to flow to her… but then I thought again. Instead I am proud for her for she was proud of this accomplishment: this community building.
When she contacted me, I don’t know, ten years ago? She wasn’t very happy. Her architecture business was too much work. She was unfulfilled… and was looking to do something creative. Pottery maybe…
She was looking to be someone who… someone who what?
Then she moved to the big city, and found her purpose. She became the center, the motor of 50-some people… who until that point knew each other, but that’s that.
She came from her strength. She loves being that. She is fulfilled.
So I looked at myself, to see how I am doing… lol.
I saw that for the past three months I have come out of my hermitage, and am practicing visiting with society again.
I can’t say that I have friends. Friendship, I find, is mutual love. Not a deal, not a give and take, but a “for no reason” affair.
Seneca quotes another philosopher: if you would be loved, love…
I am immersing myself in Seneca. Why? I am a soup, remember? And Seneca is lovely.
I am examining my relationship with some of the people I see in the old people community: I actually have love for a few of them.
Would I lie down in the mud so they can get through with dry feet, if it were their wedding day? Yes. Are they of any use to me? No. Am I of any use to them? No.
I am misty eyed. Feels good. My friend in Budapest has nothing over me.
I do what I love, I do what I am good at, and I even have a little something, like a community now. The beginnings.
Can’t beat that!
PS: Her husband, on the video said something that is, I think, every woman’s dream. He said: what makes a man feel like a man is a woman. And my friend is WOMAN… and has been for their 42 year long marriage.
Now… I don’t know what makes a woman WOMAN… but I have a hunch that it’s the same.
I haven’t feel like a woman for years now. I am not sure I want the attention, but I do want the feeling.
Hm… I wonder how I could put myself in the position to feel like a woman again.
