I made a terrifying discovery today. The discovery has been long time coming, but today, because the circumstances were so different, I could actually see it. This discovery will change the life of thousands! Guaranteed!
They say that you create your life. It sounds so far-fetched that most people would say: why would anyone create misery, poverty, rape, and death, right?
They never explained to me clearly enough, so I don’t even know if they know the REAL dynamic, my hunch is that maybe the first person that said it did, but not the ones that have been repeating this sentence, like parrots.
So, this is what happened: I was preparing to see a client when suddenly a cap from my front tooth fell into the sink and went down the drain.
I promptly called the client to stop him from coming, I wasn’t going to be toothless… just wasn’t going to be.
I caught him, and he thanked me. I found some tools, took the pipe off the bottom of the sink, found the cap, but now the sink is leaking.
I called the landlord and left a message.
Then I sat back in front of my computer, still toothless, to play some computer games.
I had the thought: this happened for a reason, and was on the lookout to be there when the reason shows up.
It showed up in about two minutes: I caught the tail end of a thought: I can overcome this one too… I am a survivor.
And then the whole mechanism, suddenly revealed itself to me.
If you are a survivor, you need stuff in your life that you survive or overcome… so you will create opportunities for that, otherwise your identity is in danger.
If you are someone who is abandoned, who loses everything and everyone you love, you will create opportunities to lose everything and everyone.
The pull of the false persona, the false self is irresistible. And I am falling victim to it, day by day by day.
I knew the cap was loose… I could have used the sink stop, but I said… oh, not now. I don’t look before I move the cards in my computer game… so I need to spend all my might to recover from the mistakes I make early on.
I talk without thinking and alienate people… so I can spend countless hours, days, weeks trying to recover.
I am doing it, unconsciously, but predictably, to protect my false self that would not survive or make sense if I were not having to recover, overcome, survive stuff…
What is your false self and how do you make your life fit, how do you make your life the perfect stage to play that character?
Of course, those of you that are in my Soul Correction Workshop are starting to see what’s going on in THEIR life, but this piece was missing until just a few minutes ago.
I can see them scrambling, happy now to do the homework, because now, it finally looks worth it!
After all, until you shed the fake self, layer by layer, you will still need to repeat the same old life, over and over, always wondering why you cannot get ahead.
And the people that are using the self-discipline and the find your self activators are getting new wings, because it makes a lot more sense, they can see now where they are heading…
Love this, Sophie. There are times, driving down the road, when I sense a little part of me hoping for a flat tire to see if I can handle it. Or when I go down to the train, deliciously wondering just what I will do if I miss it. Some part of me calls out for little challenges. When I really need to use the bathroom on the train, I know it’s an opportunity to retrain my ego, and rejoice on my own sloppy humanity. I’m not always like this. Maybe this is the sideways glance at my own life.
You know, I go to the open mic intending on trying something new, divine play, can’t lose, etc. But when I get there, walk on the stage, see the other great performers, shit, the stakes rise. I now hope to see such moments as a spur to natural ambition, to push myself to mastery, to learn how to grab an audience and take them on a journey. All this in place of a big ego breakdown. I watch my mechanism, try to breath, release the blockages, stay in the moment, and not take myself too seriously.
yes, that is how it works to perpetuate your fake persona: never quite making it… never quite successful, never quite applying yourself.
Very deep ! while reading your article, I saw an entire reel of my life of how my false self wants to survive. And as I write this, there is a project that i am currently working on and i have a hunch that it will fail and I am already thinking of excuses to give to the other party & protecting myself from embarrasment & telling myself that i survived the bad project, instead of actually doing something while i can.