In the “itch that no one can scratch for you”, I introduce a feeling, a way of being, that has been consistently missing from your life. It may be something that you were born with, i.e. it is part of your soul correction, or it is something that developed by being mistreated… as far as you are concerned…
Nothing bad or dramatic needed to happen in your childhood, and yet you ended up feeling that way.
Not loved, not being enough, not being valued, not mattering, not being smart enough, fast enough, pretty enough, important enough, and so on and so on.
Every person has some slight. They either blame themselves or they blame others, but the slight is there.
Your whole life, your whole life experience is based on this one missing “thing”, and it weaves through your life like a theme.
My “item”, my itch, is being treated as a human being.
My itch… how it was born, how it played out
I was born unwanted… so before birth I was that curse that my mother could not get rid of. After I was born, prematurely, with a little less than two pounds of body weight, I was that thing, that will hopefully die.
Then I was that thing that needed to be fed, that cried, that vomited every night, that didn’t allow my mother to settle into her life, and enjoy it.
I won’t bore you with detail by detail description, you will just have to believe me that in my mother’s house, I was a thing, not a person.
For years I wasn’t allowed to dine at the family table: my little brother brought in food for “the renter”, that was me. I didn’t even have a name.
Neither me, nor my possessions or my work was respected. I was beaten, yelled at, thrown out, thrown to jail, thrown to mental institutions, not given money, not given food, not given clothes.
Patience, I’ll show you the other side in a minute… because there is always, always, another side.
The other side of the story
My parents were decent people, highly educated, respected by others, my father was a famous economist, for example.
So, what’s the other side? When you decide that people don’t treat you in a certain way, you freeze into that mode, and, surprise, treat them the same way back. I treated my parents as things. Love? What is that? I still don’t know…
Respect? I still don’t understand what that means… apart the way my mother used it: do as I say, or else…
But, accidentally, at around age 45 I had an insight: you can’t love someone who says: you don’t love me. And I said that about my mother.
At age 45 I had a revelation: what it must have been like for my mother to try to love a wildchild who didn’t see love, caring, respect in anything she did… who refused to be loved.
Not accidentally, I have never been married. I don’t know if anyone has ever loved me… I would not recognize love if I tripped over it… No words, no gestures, no gifts, no hugs can ever convince someone who can’t see.
The same way, maybe not as severely, or maybe more severely, you perceived that you are mistreated, and your decision what they did created the same exact reaction in you: you don’t love me? I don’t love you. You don’t respect me? I don’t respect you. You treat me as worthless? I treat you as worthless.
But it won’t stop with the same person: now you give it to everyone. That is all you can see: it is your pinpoint filter.
I never saw a person until I was in my 50’s… I saw objects. Their feelings didn’t matter to me, and I didn’t know any better.
But that you feel that you are treated as that hurts… that is the itch that other people cannot scratch for you.
No treatment of you as a person, or as someone worthwhile, smart, pretty, etc. will ever change that itch, or even effect it at all.
What is missing is counter intuitive.
By providing what’s missing for you scratches that itch for you, effectively.
When I started to treat people as people, my life changed.
It must have been within the past 11 years, because yesterday I, and my possession, my plants, my trees, my bushes were treated with total disrespect, disregard, destroyed.
Only when, after for hours I fantasized them (my landlords) dead, humiliated, deadly ill… did I identified that what happened is that they can’t see me as a person (I am a renter!) and I don’t matter as a person, and my feelings don’t matter.
Recognizing it turned it around, and now I am well. I still expect getting angry when I’ll pass my cut off trees, my cut off bushes I bought, planted, fertilized, watered, nurtured for the past seven or so years. But I recognize that when someone can’t see value, they can’t see value… And I feel good about myself. I see value… hm. I have come a long way.
People ask how I do the “itch” process.
I realized that it’s the same process, or very similar to what I used to do, for years, with more than 200 people, the “Juice Exercise” where people find out what gives them juice in life.
Juice is the pleasure. The good feeling. The feeling for which it is worth getting up in the morning.
For me being for people what gives me juice. Giving people what I always missed gives me the feeling I missed all my life. So my juice is treating people as people.
What gives, or could give you your juice in life?
I’ll do this inquiry in front of other participants, unless you want to pay $200 per hour: that is what I charge for one-on-one coaching. But in a group you can do it for much less… much much less.
I’ll have a session on Monday October at 2 pm… and I have added times at noon, 4 pm, 9 pm… on different days of the week.
I don’t expect a lot of people: most people prefer not knowing… If this is for you, please sign up. https://itch.com-secretdoor.comwebinar You can come to one call or to all… One registration is all it takes.
But once you know what is the itch… you’ll know, at least in theory, how to scratch it. It’s a lot like learning to ride the bicycle… lots of practice, insights, falling, etc. But it’s worth it.
