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Today finally I found out why the holidays lower your vibration.
Why I never knew it? Because for the past 42 years I have had no family, so I wasn’t obligated to participate in any of the festivities.
So there there, the first reason: it is not an invitation. It is like death and taxes. Unless you go, you are disinherited.
But somehow until today I wasn’t feeling it. I wasn’t feeling that there was no choice.
The tyranny of family.
I didn’t know that that is what it was when some 20 years ago I was TAKEN OUT to dinner by my brother and his wife. I ordered a pasta dish and it arrived stone cold. So I called over the waiter and asked him in very low voice to take it back and heat it up.
My brother didn’t talk to me for years after that because I embarrassed him with my behavior. I didn’t know that when I am a guest I am supposed to ask permission for everything, or eat sh!t. Hm. I am actually glad that I don’t have a family.
That may be the reason I managed to raise my vibration to the high nine hundreds. No one put me squarely back to my place in the past 20 years. My place under tyranny. So I wasn’t spoiling someone’s sense of order by acting as an individual…
I learned from Osho that being an individual is the biggest threat to society…
but I am just getting it: society starts with the family. Even when it is just two people.
It seems that we never learned to say ‘no’ or to make a counter-offer.
Our moves in communication have been limited to obsequiousness, or on the other end of the spectrum protesting, resisting, upset, yelling, blaming, ugh.
A few years ago I wanted to do a limited communication workshop, and teach the moves in communication, that give you power. Moves that allow you to remain an individual, even if ‘the other’ has too much self-importance.
Sartre said: Life begins on the other side of despair. Hell is other people. ‘
and’. Simply said: the other considers themselves the arbiter of the Universe and consider their judgment of me the truth about me.
Simply said: Hell is other people. And you are considered by them an object. Not a person, not an individual, but an object. And because you don’t know how a person would respond. Because you don’t have moves of a person, you only have moves of an object, you are never a person, never an individual. And, of course how could an object be happy? Feel good about themselves? Impossible.
So to summarize: holidays are organized stays in hell.
As an empath I know exactly what’s under the pretense of people. I don’t know the words they are thinking, but I know the words are unkind, cutting, like a knife.
I used to hug some people when I met them, in Landmark. I have enough love for an army, because you don’t have to be different, do different, look different, smell different for me to love you. I can include and allow. Can you?
And do you know that you are hell for other people? They have no room for how you are, who you are, what you do, what you say.
And that is the world of the human condition, the Valley of the Shadow of Death. Hell.
Especially around the holidays.
And that is true even if you go around the table everyone forced to say what they are grateful for. Hell. Lies. Pretenses. Comparison.
Would you like to have more tools so you can, maybe, remain a person, in spite of the other?
Most of the tools I teach are to make you not other that’s hell. This is the other side…
This is when you ALLOW the other to be hell, but not for you. You are a person untouched by hell.
If you could get out of your own head for a minute here, you would be able to see that you are hell for other people. That other people, just like you. Books like The Four Agreements were written for them, not just for you. The agreements,
- be impeccable with your word,
- don’t take anything personally,
- don’t make assumptions,
- always do your best
These talk to everyone not just you. Because they also lie, or also talk fuzzy. They also take everything personally, including everything you do and say. They also make assumption, and also almost never do their best.
They run rackets, they protect their self-concern, they want to look good, and they don’t love themselves.
Once you can SEE that, (knowing is not enough!) you can ALLOW more room for them to be, and interestingly, they will ALLOW more room for YOU to be.
To ALLOW something, you need to detach from it, from how it should be and shouldn’t be.
I teach this in the Detach workshop. if you sign up now, I’ll also throw in a bonus: a workshop teaching you moves in communication, where you learn what to do instead of reacting, instead of fight or flight. Instead of avoiding domination…
Simple and effective.
Learn to leave hell
