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What brings something out of the invisible? So you can see it. So you can stop it if it doesn’t work. Or have more of it if it does…
I have started to watch movies again, on Amazon Prime. Not Netflix? Not Netflix.
Anyway, yesterday I watched two Jesse Stone movies with Tom Selleck.
The first thing that I noticed is that Tom Selleck’s voice is whiny… He is perpetually offended, perpetually wrong. Hooha…
One of the things that is invisible is patterns. The ‘how’ for example. How you get the bad guy. How you serve justice. Another one is: how wide is your flashlight’s light circle: what is included that when it is not included, you won’t have enough data to know WTF happened.
In both films I watched the way Jesse got his guy reveal himself is through being rattled.
Jesse rattled them. In the emotional state of ‘rattled’ most of us do something stupid that will get us killed.
How do you get rattled? You take things personally. Simple… You feel threatened, or at the mercy of something.
Some people are always on the verge of being rattled, like Henry Ford II… as I am learning from Lee Iacocca’s autobiography. Very enjoyable, by the way.
The other pattern is how much of what ‘is’ you see…
The Aristotle ‘if you see contradictions check your premises‘ quote, even Jesse Stone says that, almost always indicates that you are looking through a narrow scope.
You don’t see enough dots to connect.
The most interesting thing is that people who do that, don’t know that.
So you take your narrow scope with you, and alternately become excited, or devastated… because what you see is never even close to the whole picture.
So this is another element of a 1000… they look wider so they can see a bigger picture. Inside that bigger picture there are more dots to connect. Inside that bigger picture the number of premises you base your judgment (words!) and your mood will be different.
If your sunshiny mood is too easily dislodged by changes in the circumstances, then your mood was based on insufficient information… meaning your cone of vision was narrow. It did not include others, did not include others’ interests, did not include much beyond yourself.
YOUR self-interest, your self-concern is whatever size it is… big, small, medium… can cover your entire cone of vision.
In the Drink your Food challenge it is so easy to see. When you react to anything that is happening that is a sign of narrow cone of vision.
If you feel you found your sorcerer stone. If you are bummed out because you gobbled down your lunch without ever noticing it. Or if you feel superior, because you did it all…
No matter what ‘mood’ you react with… Your job is to widen your cone of vision… or at least move your eyes to see more.
And just like your back protests against the True Back, your eyes and your mind will protest against widening your cone of vision, the number of dots you include in your personal reality.
I have clients who don’t trust me.
They argue, mostly in their privacy, everything I say.
They prove only one thing: that their cone of vision is narrow. And their cone of vision doesn’t include what I say. Mostly people argue about things I say about them… Self-concern. That pesky self-image that doesn’t want to come down to earth.
If and when your performance doesn’t live up to your expectations, the most likely issue you have is that you don’t see yourself accurately, because you see yourself through a narrow cone of vision of the ego. Your personal reality is too small compared to reality.
And if you missed what personal reality is, it is your opinions, your narrative, your interpretation of what is happening.
When it comes to wars, for example, the cone of vision is even narrower than a penlight’s light beam. You are there to kill and not be killed. That’s it. Life? who cares? Babies, people with promising careers? Who cares.
When I was in Israel, one of the first sentences I learned to say in Hebrew: ‘I don’t care!’
As I am looking back, I didn’t. I didn’t care. Not about anything, not about anyone. I was a victim, angry, and entitled. Edgy. Superior. Ugh…
I signed up to the Communication Workshop not because I cared about communication. I signed up because I didn’t care. AndI didn’t even care about myself. But I needed to make a decision to live or die.
The workshop forced my eyes to go to places they don’t naturally go. I saw things about myself I had never seen.
What I saw dislodged my fundamental attitude, that I was a victim.
At least a little bit… Just enough so that I could continue living… and embark on a journey of my personal evolution.
From a ‘feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy‘ to where me, my self-concern only being a tiny dot inside my cone of vision…
I went from Victim to Winner.
It wasn’t an all-at-once phenomenon, it took me many years. I was around 56 when I first saw myself as a winner… when I first acted like a winner… when others saw me as a winner.
All three vantage points matter.
I have had students who had a self-image of ‘always right’, whom other saw as ‘self-righteous b.i.t.c.h.’
I have had students who saw themselves as self-sacrificing saints, whom other saw as a standoffish blaming machine.
So all three vantage points matter.
Because ultimately everything you have ever wanted comes to you through other people, what they say about you matters.
Your opinion of them, unless you widen your cone of vision, will not change.
If that other person is your coach, your teacher, your guide, your opinion will get in the way of you learning from them, or getting any value. You won’t let yourself get anything.
In essence: you have killed them off… and now, like a jackal or a buzzard, want to eat the meat off their carcass.
I can see you. I just wish you could see yourself… and take heed. You are here just to see me die.
It takes a big person to change one’s attitude…
And surprisingly, maybe, before you can change your attitude, you need to see just how ugly it is. How unproductive, how unsupportive, inefficient it is. And REMEMBER it in long term memory. So you can catch it.
The Structure FOR Fulfillment is like a ladder that you can use to reach the sky.
But it is a special ladder: unless you base moving to the next rang on reality, and unless where you are, the rang on which you are supports going higher, you cannot move higher.
In the just finished Drink your Food Challenge some people got stuck on a certain rang of the ladder.
Most got stuck on the Possibility rang. They can now formulate possibility declarations, but are not willing to go to the next rang where they would need to examine if they have all they’ll need to actually bring that possibility to bear.
In a way the Structure for fulfillment is a cruel taskmaster… it won’t allow you to run before you can crawl. It will reveal all that is not working about you.
But it is, at the same time, not vengeful: it shows you where you need work. And if you don’t jump the gun, if you don’t call it names, then you can take the guidance from the Structure… and actually start growing.
I did not invent that structure. I learned it. And have been using it, benefiting from it, and now I am sharing it.
I am 70% strong in it… It is my guide. My coach. My teacher. And my taskmaster… lol.
We, that taskmaster and me, are like two peas in a pod.
I’ll teach it next in the Communication Workshop… times TBA.
In the meantime you want to check in with yourself… and do what you can to strengthen your WORD.
Word is what you create with. The KIND of word… not every word.
Although when you judge… that is also creating. Creating relationships that you didn’t mean to create. Like your relationship with me. Or with Life. Or with work. And now with eating…
A good course to strengthen your word with is the Integrity Course. A fun course to strengthen your word is the Soaring Method. A way to learn to formulate your word is the Context Course
So, to help you out, this coming Sunday I’ll do a free webinar workshop to show you the price you have to pay with your judgment… You can register for free until Wednesday night. It will cost you after that.
If you can’t plan ahead, I really don’t think we are a good fit.
And if you don’t quite know what attitudes are when it comes to words… how to change them, how to set them for success, here is a short course that can help.
Learn how to formulate an attitude
