Podcast: Play in new window | Download
This article is about forces that work against you and forces that work for you.
Some 14 years ago I witnessed a partnership that broke up.
Then both of the previous partners went on, and got themselves another partner. I watched them grow.
I coined the term ‘sidekick method’ at the time. A method to be in business.
What I saw is that going it alone is hard. Lonely. And the danger there of being stuck in what you know is tremendous.
But if you have a partner who you treat as equal and not as a ‘thing’, then you can bounce off ideas, back and forth. Then the partnership, like the hamster method, uses two ‘walls’ to advance.
Advance yourself and advance the results.
The who and the what.
Doing it alone is near impossible. Why? Because all that is going on on the inside, with very tiny alterations on the outside.
In the article where I introduce the hamster method of learning, the hamster method of growing, I use the example for the who and the what winner and winning.
But it can be any ‘who’ and any ‘what’.
Case study
One of my students is experimenting with the ‘who’ of ‘I love being nothing’. No ego. No commitment, just an occasional experiment.
She has NEVER committed to anything, so no wonder. Commitment is her missing item. She has reserved her right to do or be whatever the hell she wanted.
Will experimentation convince her that committing to a being would be revolutionary, and maybe even dramatic in the direction she says she wants?
Not likely.
And no partnership, no marriage, no business, no life can work well without commitment… no matter how obvious that is to me.
Commitment is a DNA capacity, that is turned on by committing.
Some commitments are unconscious. We, in this work, call them undeclared commitments. They are not only undeclared, they are unconscious.
People commit to those ways of being during or after their dominant experience around age 3.
The student above, seems to me, committed to appearances. Appear to do everything she can. Appear to be eager. To the appearance.
Nothing deep. Not to winning. Not to do all she can. But to the appearance.
Can she, could she commit?
So she now cannot commit to anything until and unless she gently modifies the original, the unconscious, the undeclared commitment little by little. So a desirable commitment can live and breathe.
This she needs to do consciously. And gently. No dramatic results are possible.
The original commitment is firmly tied to egomind, the Opponent, the Racket, and if she shows her hand, she’ll be beaten.
The best description of this method is described by brilliant and visionary now dead writer, Colin Wilson in his novel, The Mind Parasites.
In it Wilson considers the Opponent mind parasites that if they sniff out that you want something, they’ll kill you.
Great book. If you think you are being hindered by ‘mind parasites’, then read it. Read the technique to keep the secret of what you are doing so the mind parasites don’t sniff it out.
The more you talk the more you give away to the mind parasites.
Silence is golden… The client I am sharing about can’t keep her mouth closed. And that may be one of the reasons she hasn’t been able to move as much as she deserves given the mountain of work she invests. All that talking about it.
And why is she talking so much?
If you guessed because of her undeclared commitment to do all the work, you are correct.
So you see why changing is so darn hard.
Now, can I find the connection between the ‘sidekick method’ and the hamster method?
What is shared is the need for both the doing and the being, the what and the who to pull in the same direction.
Being is created with words. Words do it and words can undo it.
And this is again about all that talking.
I also have a history of getting caught out by the mind parasites. My ‘method’ of screwing myself has been bragging.
I call this in other articles jinxing myself… the two are the same.
It is not the Universe that ‘punishes me’. It is simply the mind parasites stopping what began, the reason for my bragging.
The stronger your undeclared commitment, aka mind parasites, the less likely you’ll be able to win over it and commit to anything worth committing to and win.
Partnerships
This morning I listened to two dudes on a podcast. They work together, and are successful together.
One of them, Matt, as I see it, has a big undeclared commitment to looking good and failing. The only thing that prevents him from waking up and alerting the mind parasites is the other person’s sober eyes.
Most partnerships, most marriages are two flaky people joining. They are flaky because their undeclared commitments pull them each in a different direction. Not towards a joint successful life, but towards individual success. And the mind parasites are thriving. Not the partners.
If you find case-studies like the above useful, and want more of those, please place a comment. Comments need some level of commitment. A good practice if you ever want to become a winner.
And if you want to get the words of your ‘undeclared commitment’ we’ll have that as part of the next mini workshop, on September 6 at 3 pm EDT.
We’ll get all the way to the beginning
I will. thank you for asking. And I did include a link to the podcast episode… but here it is again https://marketinglegends.com/nic-frachon/
Yes, please introduce case studies. For me, it helps in seeing what you are teaching. As I was reading, I was curious about the podcast episode you saw. Thank you