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Many times it is near impossible to get what words mean…
Luckily I have learned other languages. With some of them have a deeper knowledge than just being able to use them, so I can use them to see in their etymology.
In fact, this article got triggered by a word, a concept, a distinction that is not clear to most people, and it wasn’t for me. Contentment.
Contentment, discontent… all come from that root, but what is content?
The Hungarian equivalent comes to the rescue: the word in Hungarian: the attitude that it’s enough.
The attitude of no lack. The attitude of no wrong. Nothing to fix, no place to get to.
No enemy to fight. No holes to fill. Just content.
And counter to all ‘intuition’, content is the starting point of effective actions, of growth, of most things that my clients are rarely able or willing to do.
What they can’t see, because the distinction: content, or the distinction: enough isn’t something they HAVE.
I suspect they don’t allow themselves to be content, because they think that motivation comes from discontent. From not enough. Or from ‘not that’. Or maybe ‘it’s wrong and it needs to be fixed’.
It’s a misunderstanding of the inner dynamics… So when you ask: why are high achievers not happy? you don’t think to look: are they chasing something more because they are afraid to be content?
Content has an interesting ‘side’ effect: when you are content, you love yourself. When you are chasing more, better, or different: you don’t.
Why? Because more, better, different are all comparisons. And in comparisons one needs to be wrong for the other to be right. Ugh.
That pesky comparison, right?
More, better or different are all signs of discontent
But can you want something and not because it is more, better, or different, or maybe it fixes something that is wrong?
Of course, if you live in comparison world, yes that is a whole world (aka worldview) then of course you need to get out of that world… or else.
Now if you are looking at the thing directly, with a nowadays normal 1% cone of vision, then you can’t see what I am talking about. Because the mischief is in the context. And the context cannot be seen in the narrow cone of vision you look through. For that you need to look behind, left of, and right of the ‘main event’…
Some people teach that if you ask ‘why’ a few times, you’ll get to it… In my experience asking why doesn’t change the cone of vision, so no. The why questions don’t reliably get to the context.
So you may need to ask a different question: what is wrong, what is not enough, not good enough, that I am trying to fix?
One of my clients has discovered in the Allowing Challenge that his main context, his main desire is to dominate. Of course he doesn’t like it. In the Tree of Knowledge that is bad. But in the Tree of Life domination is just domination… neither good nor bad. It depends what you are using it for. What is the goal.
Unfortunately he complains to dominate.
What’s behind it?
He wants more attention. More relevance. More justification for his existence.
Of course you noticed the word ‘more’. Comparison.
And wanting more says: what you have is not enough.
The interesting dynamic with a lot of these ‘more’ wishes is that the person may not really want what they would get if they were successful at getting more. Even if it is the right kind of attention.
They actually don’t like attention.
So their discontent, saying: I want more, is wanting not what they would get. It is fixing some old slight that they didn’t handle well, as a toddler.
He has the opportunity to curtail his feverish activity to dominate… Domination that actually leads to people not liking him, not wanting to be around him, and his efforts to do free work for them doesn’t change this dislike… actually makes it stronger. Why? Because that is also a move in domination.
Huh?
Yeah, what looks like generosity is not it.
Why would anyone want to dominate?
One purpose of domination is to get something that is not evidently forthcoming. Whatever you want, you extort. Love, sex, attention, etc.
A third purpose of domination is seduction. The Siren’s call. The call that to fight it you need to stand firmly on two feet, or tie yourself to the ship’s mast. I have had clients with that kind of domination.
All three are predatory ways to go about what you want. Predatory way means: the death or maiming of the prey, so you can eat.
Surprisingly the desire, the urge to dominate isn’t consistent neither with high nor with low predatory genes. I, for example, had zero predatory genes until I asked Source to adjust it back in 2019, and started to take care of myself. And slowly but surely stopped wanting to dominate so that I feel that I exist.
So it is not the predatory genes, it is more like an inner emptiness that wants to be fulfilled… and the urge comes from that.
Now, truth be told, unless you can connect to dots, and see that all that domination never did what you meant for it to do, nothing I can do that will lead you to change your ways.
Nevertheless, if you are so inclined, you can have your predatory genes adjusted to 3…
Get your predatory genes adjustedAnd if you already have, then learn to ask the question: what am I trying to fix? And look if it is still wrong after you look in the moment. The allowing challenge is a great help, by the way.
