What if cowardly simply means: not willing to get hurt? Not willing to feel pain. Any pain. Including non-physical pain… like the pain of being wrong.
What if everything we have ever really done was to avoid that non-physical pain?
As usual, I am going to look for some experiences in me… myself, and tell you things I probably shouldn’t. About myself… And expose myself to the pain.
So as you know I have signed up and am doing the work in the course to create profitable courses.
Quite excruciating…
Excruciating means: extremely painful, mentally agonizing; very embarrassing, awkward, or tedious.
Just what we all want to escape. That pain.
So like a moron, I put myself in harm’s way.
Did I do it for your sake? For the sake of knowing what people feel?
No, I did it because I wanted more successful, larger, more profitable courses… Nothing noble.
But now I am in it, and it hurts.
What hurts exactly?
We humans want to be successful. Enjoy stuff. Success. Superiority. Feeling good about ourselves.
But as I am in this course, trying to grow not just my business, but myself, I suddenly look at what I am doing, my results, my ‘success’ differently. More critically.
And none of my successes meet my expectations of myself.
The numbers don’t lie.
I have workshops and challenges with 4-5 people in it, always the same 4-5… from a pool of maybe ten responsive people.
And I am observing people and see that they don’t get it, or don’t completely get it. So the results are way below what I expected. GIVEN HOW BRILLIANT i AM.
Re-read the previous line… You’ll see a comparison.
A comparison between what I expected and what I got.
But what I expected is at fault. I expected to be proven as brilliant as I hope I am… so it cuts with a thousand cuts… making me bleed.
Painful… So I do what you think I was going to do: blame it on the participants.
To lessen the pain.
Example 2: a participant.
She came up with a project and the little voices immediately piped up and shouted: Who do you think you are? Your track record shows you’ll never succeed!
She writes to me, and I suggest that she allows the voices to say whatever the voices say… and just HAVE those voices, those thoughts, and do what would move the project forward.
Will she?
It depends on how well she can make my suggestion a reality.
Whenever you are in the position of choosing between something that can succeed or fail, these voices, the voices of warning, the voices that intend to protect you from non-physical pain, will get really loud.
You have a choice, every minute of every day.
Put your energy into fighting the voices, or put your energy into doing what you said you would do. The thing that can fail.
It is always on a scale… You can do it 70-30. Or 90-10. The more energy you put into the fighting with the voices compared to doing what you said you would do, the less success you’ll have in life.
Some days are worse, other days are better.
If you are a human, and SANE, then you will spend some of your time fighting the fear. You’ll call it anger. Maybe you’ll call it overwhelm. Maybe you’ll say ‘I am confused. I can’t’
But those labels will be just justification. Justifying why you won’t go for it.
But here is the rub.
If you do what you said you would do. what can succeed or fail… The non-physical pain will end at some point. It will. Even if the project fails.
But if you don’t do it, if you believe that you can’t, if you believe the voices, then you are condemning yourself to bear that non-physical pain forever.
It’s a lot like fire-walking. If you walk through the fire, your soles may get singed. You put some salve on them, but the pain will be physical and it will heal.
If you DON’T walk through the fire you’ll feel that non-physical burn all your life, and that is akin to burning in hell.
That is what the voices won’t tell you. That going through the pain of doing what can fail is temporary pain. While following the screaming voices results in permanent pain.
Most people, most coaches don’t know how to get you unstuck when this is the situation, and they don’t know what to say.
Saying: ‘you can do it‘ will be joining in with the chorus of the voices, and in my opinion will not be an effective action.
Saying: ‘so what if it fails? I can deal with it.’
So what is the capacity that allows you to say that and actually do what you said you would do, in spite of the horrible, excruciating fear?
One would automatically say: courage. The automatic is, like in most cases, is wrong.
What is there when you actually can say that, and do what it suggests, because YOU SAID IT, is the power of your word. INTEGRITY.
Integrity? Yes.
At the CORE of integrity is that you honor YOUR word as your Self.
Of course if you are a windbag, like most cowardly people are, you will think that everything that comes out of your mouth is your word. All the complaining, blaming, accusing, justifying… but no.
The only word that is to honor is the words when you actually, consciously commit. Commit to BEING someone, commit to DOING something.
In my own case: do that darn course I now HATE as I said I was going to do it, no matter how many obstacles come up. No matter what the darn voices scream. Just do it. And do it. And do it. Succeed or fail is immaterial. Really. Because I will come out on the other end a whole new, much bigger person who can do much bigger things.
Most failures come from having chosen a project you weren’t ready to succeed at. But it strengthened, built ‘muscles’ that a smaller project would not need, so it is wonderful. You’ll be able to succeed with what you gained from this failed project that can take you much further.
One of my clients who has never done a project in his life, is now embarking on a project that is way above his head.
My natural inclination
My natural inclination would be to protect him… to help him reduce the size of the project so he doesn’t get hurt.
So my natural inclination is on the side of the darn voices? Yes.
So instead of doing what my natural inclination says, I will help him get through some tough spots, and strengthen his commitment to become a person… His commitment to his Self.
Every single person on the planet has this same dynamic, not just you, not just me. Every single person.
No matter how many successes they have had.
- The only difference between people is how they handle this inner conflict. Conflict between what they say they would do, and the voices.
2. And another difference is: whether they have a project that is bigger than they currently are.
Most people most of the time don’t have a project they are committed to. So they do the ALLOWING Challenge on puny stuff… like their anger at wrongs.
And they either succeed allowing the wrongs to be wrong or not.
But until they take on a project they can commit to, allowing will be simply the ‘release technique’, easing the inner tension, just so their non-physical pain can lessen.
They will not be in growth mode, they will be in dying mode.
The only way to grow is through projects. Whether a project succeeds or fails won’t matter.
It’s a lot like weight lifting: a weight lifter, a bodybuilder takes every single set to where the muscles actually fail. If they don’t, the muscles may get stronger, but won’t get bigger.
You have to tear some (not too many) muscle fibers, or the muscle won’t grow.
Most people don’t ever do anything that would actually take them to growing. Not physically, not emotionally, not spiritually. All to avoid pain. Any pain.
It all goes back, interestingly, to the first incident.
What makes that first incident important is the fact that there was pain there. Non-physical pain, even if there was physical pain as well.
Your decision in that first incident lead to a life of avoiding pain.
Our job in the workshop tomorrow, in doing this work of becoming a person, is to create an alternative decision. So you can start growing, however old or young you are.
The reason you hate yourself is because you are playing small. You consider avoiding pain more important than anything, health, wealth, love and fulfillment.
And of course you don’t love yourself, you don’t love life.
So going back to where you decided that that is the way to go is the most important thing we can do.
- It is intellectually challenging.
- It requires flexibility.
- Trust.
- And a way to allow the fear, allow the voices to do what they do… without getting involved with them.
Depending on those many factors, you’ll be able and willing to change your mind… sooner or later, or never.
And that is how it works.
And that is how I need to view my results… It is my job to give you all I have got. And the rest is up to you. What you do with it is entirely up to you… your willingness to be challenged intellectually, your intellectual capabilities, your flexibility, your willingness to trust and allow fear.
You can’t get anywhere unless you start.
Most people fail at this first step. They never start.
If you are a newbie to this work, you’ll probably be stretched with any of my programs… so you can start almost anywhere.
Your vocabulary, its accuracy, the number of distinctions you have is probably around zero.
So what would be a great way to start… just a little bit painful, so you can ease into it, like into the water at the pool.
Most people start with one or more of my muscletesting services. Of those the most useful is the health measurements, because it is like an early warning system… months, maybe even years before a medical test would show a trouble brewing under the hood.
A real life-saver.
Whatever trouble I find I also suggest a winning solution…
And for a limited time I am still doing those FREE health measurements, to help you test out the water at the pool… PAINLESSLY.
Get your health MeasurementsWelcome aboard…
