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Unclarity, confusion about these two, wants and needs can and will lead to unhappiness.
Some people go so far as add demand to this confusion.
So let’s create some clarity in this area, so you can finally have some access to joy, fulfillment, contentment, and feeling good about yourself and your life, shall we?
Let’s start with a question:
What do you want more of in life but you can’t seem to get it?
I have been studying marketing for decades.
Ugh.
So they tell marketers to sell people what they want, and give them what you need.
People come to me with big wants.
But what if you are so hellbent on what you want, that you won’t recognize what you need is the pathway to it?
Your wants are based on entitlement, or a sense that you are supposed to have it, without having to earn it, without having to do anything for it. And more than even that: that it has to come from the outside, from other people.
I’ll give you plenty of examples…
…but just so you see what the problem is: to finally get to a place where you have what you need, for that you will need you to change your perception, your thinking, your behavior…
You may need to give up the 3-year old’s concept of the world where you want the world to work the way you want the world to work. You want yourself to be the way you want yourself to be. And you want people to be the way you want people to be.
But what makes life work is the opposite. When you accept that the world works the way the world works, and it is you job, it is your duty to adjust yourself, your behavior, your thinking, your standards and ideals to how the world is.
Because this 3-year old clueless child is running your life, you are unprepared and unequipped to deal with the way the world is, deal with yourself the way you are, deal with others the way they are.
You can’t even fathom that in order to deal with anything successfully, you need to be where they are – accurately – not the way you see them from ‘they are not the way I want them to be’, but the way they are. Things, people, yourself.
You lack distinction. Lack the vocabulary. Lack even the curiosity that would allow you to see anything other than ‘they are not the way I want them to be’.
Now, if you can see, maybe, some of you? Any of you? that you want what you want to fix the way the world is, fix how you feel, so it is not the way it is but different. Better? More? Different? How?
You see, your starting point matters. More than you think it does.
So let’s see what you say you want, and what is the truth about that.
Why is it that we want many things, but we end up not having it, even if we work a lot towards it. Pay good money to get it. Take classes, get our DNA adjusted, blah blah blah.
I say that the problem is with what you want. Your level of understanding, emotionally, remained on the level of a 3-year old. And not understanding that it’s the 3-year old in you that wants what you want keeps you forever wanting?
We call those wants ITCHes. The ITCHes that you cannot seem to be able to scratch…
So let’s look at the things you might want. OK?
If you could say in one word what you want more of in life, what would that be?
Here is a list of the things most people want most:
- Liberty,
- Happiness,
- Peace Of Mind,
- Money,
- Joy,
- Balance,
- Fulfillment, and
- Passion
- And, or course, you want to feel good. Feel good about life, feel good about yourself, right?
We’ll look at each, but so you get a sense of what is actually going on, where you miss the ball, where your 3-year old is mistakenly jerking you about… here are a few examples first:
- You want, maybe, liberty, but you need freedom. Liberty is an outside thing but freedom is inside.
- You want, maybe, happiness, but we think happiness is one thing, while it’s another…
When we occasionally find the kind of happiness we wanted, we find that it is exhausting, draining, and ages us. And only then we realize we really need peace of mind…
You want money, more money. always more. 91% of the visitors to my site want more money…
So you want more money, but you don’t use what you have for what you really want, because money cannot give it to you. What you really want is security, safety, certainty, and fulfillment. And none of those depend on the amount of money you have, or will ever have. They need an inner shift. An inner shift from scarcity, survival, neediness, to freedom.
Wanting more money is an ITCH. No amount of it gives you what you really want.
For example I always thought I wanted to be loved. But being loved, the actuality, is to be under the thumb of all those that ‘love me’. So no. I got rid of THAT ITCH. Instead I endeavor to love myself… and that seems to give me what I think was missing for my 3-year old.
No amount of liberty, no amount of breathless happiness, and no amount of money will give you the experience of life that we could call the good life: health, wealth, love and fulfillment.
Another thing you seem to crave is peace. But wanting peace is also an ITCH, because you don’t know how YOU create the state of ‘no peace’. You don’t know that it is your attitude that creates it. And your attitude is yours. Therefore you can own it, and change it.
You can only really change something that belongs to you…
Your actions, your attitude, what comes out of your mouth: your words.
Fulfillment is joy while doing, while contemplating, while thinking of the work you do.
But believe it or not, it is also an ITCH unless and until you learn some truths that you don’t seem to know. Learn that you will love doing what took you hard work master. And you can’t love what’s easy. You’ll fall in love and stay in love with that (just like people are more connected to the people they had to fight their love for, than the easy pickings), and not what is easy.
This is, I think, exactly is the issue with people who have some genetic ability they may call talent. I have some genetic ability for music. I have perfect pitch, whatever that means, lol. But I don’t enjoy listening to music. I enjoy generating it, maybe. But going deeper and really developing my ability to generate music would not necessarily be fulfilling for me. Same thing about numbers. Or even words.
But I do not have a natural ability for thinking. It is hard work. It hurts my head. And yet that is the most fulfilling thing I can EVER do. And the deeper I go, the more fulfilling it is.
Or teaching. Same thing. I have no natural ability for it. But there is a desire to get better. And teaching is hard and fulfilling.
I used to HATE healing. Healing is even harder work than thinking!
But I practiced and practiced and practiced. I looked at the need for it and it gave me enough energy that I could compensate for the HATE. My 3-year old loves liberty. But there is no liberty in healing. There is freedom though…
You also want balance. But that is also a misunderstanding. It is also based on abilities that you need to develop, like managing stuff, managing yourself, completion, being present, putting all power in all actions, and allowing mistakes to be mistakes, instead of getting offended, frustrated, or crushed by them.
Climbing out from under EGO and liberating yourself from its terror. Creating the conditions for grace and ease.
Your 3-year old is all EGO… by the way.
So yeah, as long as EGO is underneath your relationship to everything, you won’t be able to experience any of the things you want. And that is not a threat, that is a promise.
You want to feel confident, but only fools feel confident. So you need to make peace with feeling like a fraud, feeling not enough, feeling not prepared, feeling not ready, and just do what is next for you to do.
Confidence is not a certainty. It is instead the idea that whatever will happen you can handle it. If you make mistakes, you can tell the truth. Or correct them so fast that they seem to disappear, like the Buddha in the story.
And this is, again, where EGO is the culprit. If you get stuck with having to feel in a certain way, if you get stuck with not having permission to make mistakes, to be imperfect, then you will never have confidence, unless, of course, you are a fool. And many are.
Here is another one: We, after a certain age, want stability, security. We want to be sure that we don’t have to scramble for what we want, health, wealth, love and fulfillment.
But what we think is that it is from what’s outside of us. But the only thing that is certain about the outside is that it’s not stable, that it’s never certain. Its nature is that it changes. Volcanos arupt, like nowadays. Reading the search results on Google is quite sobering…
The Chinese curse is ‘May you live in interesting times‘ is what is the best description of what we don’t want.
And good luck with that.
Unless
Unless inside you are stable, alive, flexible, and you are all you can be, every tiny change in the environment will pull you out of stability, smack dab into the middle of worry and anxiety.
A tree with shallow roots, flimsy, with too fast grown branches will fall in the first strong wind. And the nature of life is that there will be storms.
The EGO that demanded that you don’t change, that you don’t do anything hard, that you are talented and therefore you don’t need to do anything hard is what is going to make you most miserable when the storms are coming.
Because you are unprepared, and soft. You are delicate, and weak.
Very few people if any can remain protected and safely tugged away till they die. Most people will be uprooted, and become thrown about by the storm, unless they use their time to prepare, use their time to become more of who they can become.
But I don’t have passion! you cry. and you are right.
You don’t.
But what you don’t know, what you mistakenly expect is that passion is what drives you, passion is what makes you do what you enjoy doing.
The truth is that you BECOME passionate about things, about people, about causes the more you INVEST in them. Invest time, energy, heart.
So as in most of your itches, you put the cart in front of the horse, and that is why your itches, no matter how much you try, won’t go away from scratching.
They may never go away, but they can become like a background hum, that doesn’t interfere with successful living.
All the changes will come from the inside, none from the outside.
The more you are trying to force ANYTHING the more stuck it becomes, and the unhappier you become.
Apropos forcing. All forcing is to the outside. Outside of what? Outside of the Self.
Forcing yourself to do more, better, different, forcing yourself to be more, better, different, is ineffective and harmful the same way as if you were forcing another person. Your doing, your being is outside of the Self. The self may be the actor, but the doing and the being (attitude) are outside regardless.
And if you are forcing, you are inauthentic. And if you are inauthentic, then you are an invitation to cancer. Cancer is an opportunistic condition: it is looking to inhabit the space between your two selves: the real Self and the pretend self.
It’s a lot like critters like the raccoons that live between the wall and the clapboard (siding). They find it and good luck getting rid of them.
Epidemic of cancers
There is an epidemic of cancers nowadays. The preservatives that prevent the cells from taking in nutrients, taking in water, and empty the trash is just one factor.
The other factor is this inauthenticity.
Clients whom I have successfully healed that continue life as if nothing has changed, come back with the same ailment. But this second time the growth is faster, deadlier. And this second time the opportunistic disease is more resistant to the Big Bundle healing energy. A lot more resistant.
My work, The Work, is to change your worldview, change your mindset that your two selves come closer together.
It’s not easy. it also requires self-awareness, and not lying to yourself.
If you are self-deprecating, and you think that that helps: stop it. It is also inauthenticity. Attracts disease like a magnet.
Hillel the Elder wrote a little poem 2400 years ago that unless you can see that it applies to you, you are probably beyond help.
Hillel suggests that you give yourself what you need. You give it to yourself. But for that you need to get some clarity what it is that you need… and get rid of what you want…
You need to feel superior? You need to feel smarter? Is that a want? Is that a need?
Of course it’s a want. The EGO wants it. Your Self doesn’t care about comparison, doesn’t care about who is smarter. The Self cares that you handle life well…
This is an example of one of those second time needing healing client…
Don’t be like her.
For now get help, or get a health measures report. I don’t care which. Just get some awareness into your thick head.
Get your Health Measurements
