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One of the issues some of my clients come up with are about setting boundaries.
Preventing abuse, being used, being seduced from the path to do what other people want them to do.
This is not an easy question… but you can get closer to actually being free to be yourself and have the room, the energy, the clarity to move in the direction you want to move.
Because humans, their DNA is, on this evolutionary level, act on an either you or me chassis… Which means: people are going to pull you off your path, take up your time, and likely give nothing worthwhile in return.
The complainers, the needy, the wanty, the superior, the sick, etc. Or even the cat picture posters, the tik-tok video producers, the news channels, the enthusiastic, the cultish…
Almost everybody…
So setting up some guidelines for yourself, who and what to avoid, is your first steps in carving out the space you need to be well, and be yourself.
People who are doing wrong, and know it, are people to avoid, even if they’d like to change.
This example guideline came from one of my teachers, Ben.
This advice, had I gotten it, would have made me create a whole different business for me ten or more years ago.
- Most people know they are doing something wrong when they come to me.
- They know, more often than not, that they are causing their own misery, whether it is emotional, or physical. Whether it is health, about money, about relationships.
They know. And they think they want to change… but when push comes to shove, they don’t. They don’t want to change.
They may pretend that they do… but ultimately they view you as the chump, the mark, the one to play.
If you believe them, you are wasting your time and energy: your life.
But what if it is a boy-friend who pretends to want to make you happy? Or maybe simply pretends that he wants to be with you?
When you look at them and your ‘organizing principle‘ you unconsciously or consciously set, they are in direct line with attacking it.
- Your organizing principle may be ‘start with you‘ (an actual client’s organizing principle). What you’ll find that you’ll attract people who will make that impossibly hard for you. They will suck you dry.
- Your organizing principle may be ‘be important‘ and you’ll find people who will help you feel important by asking you for money you don’t have, and max out your credit card for you.
- Or if you want to be good, or make a difference, and that is your organizing principle, people will be drawn to you to use you up, consume you, and leave you an empty husk.
Of course that person can be you, the person who knows you are doing wrong…
You pretend that you want to change, but when we observe you long enough, it is a con.
Because human life is animated by a machine we call racket to emphasize that there is a front, the pretend good intentions, and a back that is all evil, abusive, using, and spitting out.
And the ‘profit’ coming from the back is plenty enough to make it worth pretending.
And although everyone is used by a racket, some rackets are more abusive than others.
- The client I shipped medication to, medication that is illegal in Canada… that she never considered paying for or even taking… her racket is abusive.
- The client who as soon as he is off the call badmouthes me… his racket is abusive.
It may take time to weed out the ones who know they are doing wrong and pretend they want to change but won’t.
If you don’t take care of your self, who will? And if you only take care of yourself at the expense of others: who are you?
Life is a dance… but life is easier if you set up a boundary where what you want is more important to you than what other people want.
But make sure that it’s a want… and not a feeling…
Can you tell the difference?
Wants are long term. Feelings are for right now…
Hoping that your wants and feelings will align one day is a fool’s mirage… they won’t and they can’t.
Feelings are like thirst: easily satisfied. Wants are long term… and are never satisfied…
The difference between a human and animals is: animals just want to stay alive. They are not up to anything that requires foresight. So everything they do is a reaction to either an inner pull (feeling) or an outer pull (threat or opportunity).
Animals have no ambition to mention.
If you have no ambition, then you’ll lock out people who want you to be a human, a person… and not your enemies.
Should you do the skill challenge if you don’t have any significant amount of ambition? If your ambition number is below 10%…
I don’t think so. You won’t do the work, or you’ll pretend to do it only so you can feel superior… So please don’t try to con me.
How high is your ambition? What is your guess?
Comment or email me with your guess.
If I can connect to you, I’ll email you your real number.
Skill challengePS: Would the other challenges show me, show you, anything worth knowing?
I have been looking at it myself. I have found that the shoulds in the Reality Challenge are real things… and show you, show me, to what degree you live with discipline.
I have been watching some shoulds come up, and they always advise me to choose long term instead of my whim.
So I have started considering those shoulds a guidance and do what they say I should… But as recently as today, the should-voice started to yell at me like a drill sergeant, including the foul language… And to tell you the truth: I love it and I am grateful for it.
I say it is because I have COMMITTED to increasing my discipline measure.
The more shoulds you have the more out of integrity you are. But pretending that you don’t have shoulds only tells me that your flavor of out of integrity is that of a fraud, a con artist. Ugh.
PPS: Integrity is ultimately being true to your Self. To your word, to your standards, to your ideals. If you are not, then all the boundaries come from desire to receive for the self alone… sociopathy and psychopathy…
