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I worked on food and nutritional deficiency lists this morning and I noticed something interesting:
I felt resentful because what I want, what I like, what I think don’t matter when I muscletest.
And when I do those lists I need to give up acting on what I like, on what I want, and surrender my hands, literally, to Source, to Life, to whatever…
Surrender that I don’t understand. Surrender that I don’t like it. And especially surrender that I know better.
Surrender like in a war the army or a group surrender their weapons… throw them on the ground.
And I do, I surrender it all, but I don’t enjoy it.
After all my soul correction, 34 Forget Thyself only wants to do what it wants to do, damn the other. And my soul correction is furious if someone suggests that I do what they want me to do… I don’t resist it, like most other soul corrections. No, I simply hate it. Resistance leads to pretense!
But, of course, my soul correction is not me… so feeling myself as distinct from that urge, that pull, that inclination allows me to have a choice. To do what I am paid to do. To serve people. And to tell people what Source wants me to say. The choices are to pretend I do, or actually do.
I have come to know that my soul correction has these dramatically divergent choices. And that I am rarely if ever tension-free. I need to consciously reduce the tension by relaxing my jaw, and my chest. And I am honestly tense. I don’t resist either of those divergent choices. I choose what I choose. But I don’t expect that choice to reduce the tension. It doesn’t.
So I choose. I choose what I choose, and then I am at peace with it. Peace doesn’t mean no tension. Not in my experience.
I haven’t known what happens for other people. but today I could see it clearly. For the first time ever.
I have watched pretending people get seriously ill over the years, so no thank you. I prefer not to pretend… even if it takes surrendering. If it takes allowing. If it takes serving by putting aside my own points of view.
What I saw today for the first time is this:
Resisting what is creates the pretense.
Calling one thing wrong, and swinging to the other side…
Luckily I’ve recognized that inner division in some of my favorite people, like Alex Hormozi.
Marriage is a business arrangement.
- Just like my muscletesting. You pay me and I give you the best truth I have access to.
- Just like my relationship to Source: I’ll consider what you say better than what I’d say.
In a business arrangement you promise to be true to your word, and then you deliver. You don’t promise to like doing it. You don’t promise to like the other.
And you don’t pretend that you luv-luv-luv the other… even though occasionally, for minutes, you feel whatever people call love.**
The foundation of the relationship isn’t something fleeting like a feeling. Instead of feelings it is your word. The relationship is based, founded, rests on your word.
But what would happen if my word weren’t strong enough? If I had low or no integrity?
Then I would live in the gap. I would hate and pretend to love, to care. And I would give a safe spacious home to cancer and other debilitating diseases.
Reality, the nature of reality is puzzling.
It’s a puzzle… and the thread that allows for untangling it is integrity.
So whatever the mind says ‘it makes sense‘ doesn’t work. And, of course, it makes the puzzle more puzzling…
Pretending to ‘love’ doesn’t work. Because what is there is hate resisted. Or at the minimum intense dislike… resisted.
How do I know? I feel it. I feel it because YOU feel it.
And then you disallow what you feel, because that is not what you SHOULD feel.
Disallow and resisting are synonyms.
You should always feel what you feel… Saying that WITH INTEGRITY is what allowing is. Allowing what is. Not resisting it, even if you have an opinion about it. It is what it is.
Disgust, distaste, detesting, hate… it is all OK. When they are allowed they don’t force you to pretend. And they don’t force you to act on them either.
It is how I can accurately muscletest someone whom I don’t like, or maybe even hate. I don’t try to change the hate to love, not even to neutral.
So I hate. What’s the big deal? It’s all in a day’s work!
And then it stops mattering.
One of my students expressed admiration that I am OK with not talking to my brothers.
That is the end result. I had to get to not caring. Get to allowing the disappointed feelings. The ‘but they should‘ feelings. The feeling dishonored feeling. And when I allowed them, whatever I felt became like the weather… so what?
I tell you, I needed a lot of self-control for that. And a lot of managing myself…
A lot. Taking up a lot of my thoughts…
To get to telling the truth and allowing it to be the truth, without judging it.
It’s obvious that allowing, just like relaxing your body and your mind, takes self-control.
So I am today able to say: I am 70% in control of myself.
It’s taken conscious effort. And conscious practicing.
Luckily my work gives me plenty opportunities through doing work for people who I have to make room for in my heart. Or for the kind of work where I am not the boss. Or for the disappointment that people are not getting it. that they are not like me. Allowing others’ feelings to be as real as if I had a reason to feel them. Allowing myself to grieve with them… for what? Whatever makes them grieve.
But it’s been worth it.
I think this is why Self-control is the linchpin capacity.
So even if your personal linchpin is trust, for example… unless you master self-control, unless you bring it up to at least 30%, your personal linchpin won’t work. It won’t change your inner world.
Because it all boils down to self-control.
By the way, today I’ll have the second connection-clinic webinar. I’ll download the self-control activator again. Obviously I won’t give you the recordings… If you bought the activator then you have it. If you haven’t… you should buy it.
And practice and practice and practice. And understand more deeply what self-control is.
This article is good guidance…
Here is the link to today’s webinar. it is at 1 pm… today, April 10.
**This is what was so brilliant and so beautiful in the Slovak movie Zelary 2003. The honoring of the business arrangement through and through. Without integrity nothing works. With integrity Life works.
