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Want to change your life? For the better… much better? Happier, freer, more productive, healthier?
You’ll need to start where it all started.
Every life has a seed level. Mind you, the soul, the parent, the weather conditions matter, but those you can’t change… they are a given.
Your life’s seed level
Your life’s seed level was born in the first incident where you experienced a ‘break in belonging‘…
One moment you knew that you were safe, you were loved, you got everything that you needed… the next it all seemed gone: and you were alone.
For many it is the birth of a younger sibling. Others are literally abandoned to the state. Or death. Or hit, yelled at, told to go away, or called a name that pushed them out of the nest.
It’s unavoidable.
It may not have happened to you, you were just witness to it… like one of my ex students who watched her grandmother attack her mother… at least that is how it looked to her.
Or you could have been locked into a car for your own protection, and you didn’t know how to open it, and it the stifling heat you fainted.
Sometimes you ponder why it happened, and you make a decision years later… that is what I did. In my very first incident I was told that I was not worth it, worth the trouble. Two years later my mother gave me a word, that I took as a reason.
Much of my life was spent with those two decisions I made… and they were miserable, and I was lost.
Neither of them was fixable… because there was nothing wrong. Death, birth, abandonment, punishment are all part of life… not wrong. But the culture makes it wrong, so we got stuck in wrong.
And moreover, even if something is unpleasant, it is still normal… inside reality.
When you live like just because you don’t like, you don’t want something, therefore it’s wrong, you are living a life of misery. You cannot meet things head-on, you meet your opinion of them.
So it is essential to release the wrong…
But how?
By looking at the facts and playing, DILIGENTLY with the meaning, with the interpretation, to make the STORY malleable.
One or more of the likely stories, based on the facts, are eventually going to release you from your prison. (That is why I call this whole method Prison Break!)
What does that mean?
You see, all your life you are trying to live out a script, where your break-in-belonging incident and its meaning is the BIG BAD WOLF.
- Your whole life may be about your value… not having any, wanting more, wanting it to come without work, wanting to be considered valuable.
- Or your whole life may be about mattering… That you don’t matter, that you should matter, that you effort to matter, that you hate that you don’t matter, and all the people.
- Or maybe your whole life is proving that your father was wrong, and you are really really trying! obnoxiously… if I may add. lol
Whatever it was that you got but didn’t want, or didn’t get even though you wanted is ruling your life… allowing you no freedom, no expression, no self-love, no love for others, it is all about you!
The higher your about-me score the less your originating incident has been resolved.
Resolve means: it is whole and complete, no energy on it. No concern. Doesn’t even show up on the radar.
You can just do whatever you do, and it’s what you are doing. No voices, no jerking urges, no shoulds, no nothing.
I must still have something incomplete, because as I just wrote that, my chest tightened painfully.
So don’t expect quick results… Some residuals will remain and occasionally you’ll be sad, weepy, like me. Or anxious, or angry… whichever way your cookie crumbles.
My dominant ‘homepage’ emotion is devastated. Sad… big sighs. It is what it is. A sense of loss.
What is yours?
When doing this process, as many times as you can, the biggest ‘boulder’ is finding the facts.
It is difficult, because everything you have been saying about the incident is NOT facts, most of it is interpretation.
The better you get, the closer you get to what someone else would see, from the sideways view, like an Observer, a Martian, the more likely the stories will become.
As long as there are residual interpretations unrecognized, you won’t get free: it will be essentially the same story.
So this is a pregnant/not pregnant issue… this is why it takes so long.
But it’s worth doing.
Once you have the facts without any interpretations then the second part comes: practicing building likely stories.
If you are not a reader (books) then you’ll be probably lousy at it. You won’t have any imagination, you won’t have expression, so you’ll need more help than if you were a fiction reader.
Unless you have COUNTLESS valid stories, you are just replacing one STUPID story with another one.
You’ll notice the pull to prove your original story right.
Your original story doesn’t say what happened, it says what YOU SAY happened. And you play a starring role, the VICTIM, and that is what your story perpetuates.
And that original story is what needs to go.
Victim is a human invention. There is no victim in reality… Of course there is predator, and there is prey, but neither are victims.
But if you 1. don’t have the facts separated from the fiction 2. if you don’t have enough ideas to make up new stories 3. and if you are not willing to change your mind… meaning you want to be right about what you are right about, then nothing can help.
Which of those is the most crucial? I say the willingness… Without you won’t even start.
And willingness will depend on humility… No or low humility and you won’t be willing.
And is there anything underneath unwillingness, underneath lack of humility? I think there is… Scarcity…
Scarcity… and underneath scarcity? There is lack of trust.
Is that the bottom? The seed level?
Maybe…
Want to learn to trust, no matter what? Trust yourself, trust life, trust a system?
Break out of the no-trust prisonMaybe that is why hardly anyone alive has it…
We’ll learn to find the facts. We’ll learn to see was our interpretation. And then we’ll use the facts as pieces of a puzzle to put the story together differently.
The workshop will be early afternoon my time on a Wednesday. 1~2 pm EDT.
