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Some of the most important things I say in my Friday Podcast.
It’s not planned. And it is not being stingy. It is because until I see it I can’t see it.
What is special about that every Friday call is that the person I do it with doesn’t want to be coached. So I coach through her all the people who subscribe to the podcast.
Some of them don’t want to be coached either. But the ones that do get a great deal.
Coaching is expensive. Even if it is in a group call. It is very effective, and it’s interactive, so it isn’t like an article, or a book, that shoots a lot of blanks and only an occasional bulls eye…
Of course, everyone thinks they would be a great coach, because they always have ideas for another. What they should do, what they shouldn’t do.
But that is not coaching.
Coaching, good coaching, is laser sharp. And rare.
Good coaching gives away all the power. Gives it to the client.
A good coach sees all the many ways the client is off. And attempts to slough those off things off.
Anyway, how the heck did I get off on this tangent of coaching? I wanted to talk about why and how my most important revelations happen in the Friday podcast?
Because my Friday partner is infuriatingly unwilling to be coached, unwilling to consider anyone’s idea as valid, it is a wrestling match every Friday.
And all her resistance, all her faked respect, all that, somehow, releases some brilliance that I don’t normally have.
By the way, this is how most people operate: protecting themselves, their ideas, ‘their truth’ to the death.
Most people walk on the flat ground, metaphorically speaking.
Some walk on a downward slope. Some choose to have some little hills to climb.
But only those who match themselves against sheer rockface, only those will have any their hidden brilliance released.
Because the walk is easy you don’t need any brilliance.
The size of your life will be the difficulty of your challenges. More difficult gives you a bigger life.
Had I stayed in Hungary where I had my path set out for me, where I won competitions and an award in my chose profession, architecture, I would have never reached much brilliance. I would have remained a ‘normal’ size person.
Is this true for everyone? I think so.
The easier the tasks the less connections the brain needs to create.
And ultimately what gets you brilliance is the new connections suddenly made in your brain.
The Einsteins of the world.
But when I look at the history of the few ‘one thousand’ I know, I find the same thing.
In Alex Hormozi’s do or die moment, when the bank withheld his money, when that moment came, he called on some brilliance he didn’t know he had.
Your brain can do a lot more for you than you’ve been asking it to do.
All of you.
The trouble is: all those connections in the brain were triggered in challenges, situations, projects that YOU set up. life doesn’t give them to you.
When life gives you those situations, you can play the victim, and not take the challenge on. After all you didn’t ask for it.
You are playing small. Your brain can play big. but you are the boss.
Many of my students don’t take on anything. Any project that would stretch them, any challenge that would stretch them.
And they complain that life is not satisfying. And it can’t be.
The size of satisfaction, the size of fulfillment is commensurate with the amount of new brain connections that were needed to accomplish a task.
Whaat?
Yeah. No wonder you are not fulfilled. You needed no new connections in your brain for your life…
The issue with my Friday podcast partner that causes our calls to be a wrestling match is that she only wants to do what she knows to do.
This, translated to brain connections means: she doesn’t want to do anything that would need new brain connections. None. Never. No.
She is the third B, Bo age 1 in the list. Was it on Friday?
Emotional/intellectual age 1.
Only wants to do what she wants to do.
And most people don’t want challenges. Not any. Hate challenges. Hate hard. And hate anything that isn’t their idea.
The coach’s job is to make you do what you don’t want to do so you can have what you wanted to have.
You see the wrestling match?
The best coaches manage to make you want to do what would make you have what you wanted to have.
But even the best coaches don’t take on clients who only want to do what they want to do. Clients whose emotional/intellectual age is age 1.
But if you have willing clients, you don’t need brilliance, you don’t need new connections in your brain to be successful with them, do you?
So my methodology to take myself from a dunce to brilliant has been to work with clients who are not willing.
Do you see how this works?
There is one client, M age 5, who is poised to be able to go and start doing what he needs to do so he can have what he wants to have. Poised… not there yet.
And another client, J age 2, who went from age 1 to age 2 in a day this Friday.
Will they be able to take it further? We shall see.
I am willing to grow new brain connections to summon brilliance to take them over the hump.
Now, if you look at yourself, you can see that you are not willing to challenge yourself.
Not even a little bit.
Not even as much as the Reality Challenge asks you to. Note your shoulds and send me the list every day…
You cannot catch and therefore cannot change, cannot eliminate something that you cannot see for what it is.
And these shoulds are killing you and killing your spirit.
They take up all your energy to fight them, to ponder them, to grieve over them.
While life is passing you by.
M age 5 writes:
What I’m starting to see, is how inconsequential all of these ‘shoulds’ are. I see that it totally doesn’t matter whether I do what they say or not… and most of my energy has been tied up in them.
There was an interesting moment at the end of my exercise class today when the trainer corrected the position of my neck and head while stretching.
I had no idea that there’d been anything to correct, but that’s precisely what he was there for: to see it and tell me, show me, spot me.
I saw that I could leave it to him instead of trying to remember, anticipate, tip-toe and carry all this ‘should do it perfectly’ weight with me – especially via seeing the shoulds. I asked:
What if my life could be like that at some point? Being rooted in reality, un-self-concerned, learning as I go…
Notes:
self-concern: a selfish or excessive concern for oneself. Also called self-absorption.
What does it mean to concern yourself?
idiom. : to become involved or interested in something : to give one’s attention to something. She can handle the problem alone. There’s no need for you to concern yourself.
PS: Go back and read the Martin Luther King quote: you cannot have a Self if you are all about you, yours.
M age 5 got there through ‘we’. J age 2 finally got cooperation, a sign of ‘we’. The key…
But beware: pretending ‘we’ is worse…
PPS: I promised Bonnie on Friday to look at scarcity and what to do about it.
Turns out that Scarcity is tied to an epigenetic gene… meaning: it is there, but either on or off… Source says I can turn it off… meaning: if you live in scarcity, trying protect yourself and yours at the expense of everything, then the scarcity gene is on.
I could turn it off. But until you KNOW what to do because you’ve been doing it, turning it off will be inconsequential. Meaning: your behavior, your attitude won’t change.
Interestingly the Reality Challenge can prepare you for this ‘energetic surgery’. It can, but it is still really up to you.
Oh, and if you don’t want to sign up because I would then win… Ugh.
