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You are flaccid, impotent, ignored… so you resist forcefully
Some terms of contradiction in the title, wouldn’t you agree?
But, of course, only on the surface.
If you feel powerless, which is the word I would use to cover all those colorful aspects with just one word… If you feel powerless, you’re, instinctively, going to use force… because it is natural.
I can’t even blame you for it.
But being forceful is no fun. Being forceful make you feel brittle. Being forceful doesn’t ever get you what you want… even if you get it, it is now not what you wanted. Ugh.
We could look for remedy in the visible, and for a long time I tried that with clients… and the results were temporary at best. And scripted. Unnatural.
And then, one day, out of the blue, I tried something new… and by god, it has been working.
Not that I knew it ahead of time. I did not.
It was one of those stories where you went to catch a fish and found a treasure trove instead. Plenty of fish too.
What I am talking about is the Reality Challenge I started, on a whim, on January 23rd.
You see, reality has been largely missing for people. They looked, they listened from, they tried to add new stuff to their minds, instead of looking around and seeing what they see as raw material for thinking.
So the first thing to do in the Reality Challenge is to start noticing the shoulds. That, should, for a mind-dweller, is most things.
Shoulds, of course, include the have-tos, the need-tos, and maybe even the want-tos in a roundabout way.
This, noticing the should type of energies, needs to become a habit.
Each time you notice should you create a tiny sliver of reality in that unreality you live in.
In addition to noticing, participation includes jotting those shoulds down and sending them to me in email. Keeping them to yourself will, interestingly, keep you in the mind, in unreality.
At some point, about 10-14 days into this, I ask you to consider what those sentences were if you replaced should with could.
And pick just one of those, and take it further. See what life could be if you had that could instead of the should.
Let me pick an example that may resonate:
I have my washing machine filled with stuff to wash. I SHOULD just do that load… no big deal, but I have been resisting it. But have other dirty clothes that I can’t wash because the washing maching is full. Same thing is happening with my dishwasher… so this is a pattern.
OK, drumroll. I could say: I could just do that load. I am experiencing fear. Whoa. What is going on?
So what would happen if I did that load? I could wash the clothes that I’d really like to wear…
I am now trembling. Because I am discovering that doing that load would mean that I want to live.
I didn’t expect this.
So maybe using my example wasn’t a good idea. So let me look at a client’s example. I’ll pick an easy one.
She is in the middle of cleaning out her refrigerator. Her cell phone is ringing, she sees it’s her friend next door. She first hears a ‘should’… I should answer that phone… Then she things… what if I said: I could? And she sees that it is her choice to continue what she is doing, or to answer the phone. She CHOOSES to continue cleaning out the refrigerator and call her back later. She feels GOOD.
All those shoulds say: you don’t have a choice. You have to. You are powerless.
And, of course, you, I resist that. Who the heck would want to be powerless?
But who wants you to be powerless? Everybody. Huh? Yeah, everybody.
Remember that Kant, the philosopher quote I had in an article?
Later on I would wind up reading Kant and I cried when I realized I’d worked out the categorical imperative for myself. That I’d actually managed to treat another person as an end unto themselves rather than as a means to my own end. I realized how exceedingly rare it is in the world, as well as how immensely powerful it is when it does. I would like to be able to do it for myself, if possible.
Kant’s categorical imperative asks you to look at other people as an end unto themselves (a person) rather than as a means to your own end.
When you look at them as a means to your own end, you want them to bend to your will. You want them to be powerless!
And so do they. They want YOU to be powerless.
Everybody. Parents, siblings, peers, teachers, neighbors, government, merchants. Everybody.
For them you are only a means to their own end… not an end unto yourself.
And that is why you’ve been feeling powerless. Because in your mind you remained a 3-year old at the mercy of your parents.
But when you manage to turn the shoulds into coulds, you MAY get a glimpse of opportunities, of choice. Of your power to choose.
Choice means you can choose. Whichever. It is your choice. Neither is right, neither is wrong. Just a choice.
Right and wrong renders you powerless! and unable to choose.
And when you have choice, when you experience being the chooser, you experience being powerful.
Not everyone will be experiencing choice. Sometimes, some people, prefer to not see that they can choose.
Some people, when they say ‘I could’ still experience pressure. And they don’t like it… so they won’t do anything. They won’t want to choose. They abhor the idea that they chose…
But if you are lucky and you are part of the 50% who gets lit up by choice…
…then the work we do in the Reality Challenge will allow you, will help you to experience your own power.
And when you do, you may have a chance seeing others as a an end unto themselves. When you do, and only when you do, will you experience yourself as a person.
You can do this exercise by yourself. Will it work? I don’t know. Or you can CHOOSE to test it out, really, and sign up.
You have 10 days to test it out and pay nothing.
I won’t force you. If you don’t send me your should list, I’ll simply cancel your subscription and you won’t pay a dime.
Want to feel powerful?
