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What is Transformation?
On the very outside of the onion called transformation, is the ‘wow’ layer. Wow… what just happened? Wow… that’s not how I’ve been seeing it… An experience.
It is miraculous. It is reality changing in front of your very eyes.
I first had that experience back on the last Saturday of August 1985. I was on the very top of the mountain that Haifa is. Not just a mountain but a peninsula, jutting into the warm waters of the Mediterranean. The million dollar view.
But the onion has layers beyond the glimpse of the outer layer, beyond the wow experience.
The job of the transformational coach is to cause the person to go and peel more layers, so the glimpse can become a permanent view.
You see humans’ behavior depends on what they see. Seeing is the primary information source.
But what we see is not only what is there. What we see is instantly interpreted by the mind. And that interpretation is personal. (You may say: what you think, but that is not accurate.)
What you see and your interpretation of what you see depends on previous interpretations, on your soul correction, even on your Zodiac sign… and then on your self-concern/ITCH.
Potentially eight billion DIFFERENT views… not just the one they all share: reality.
This, knowing that you see your interpretation, is the basis for all transformation.
The job is to alter what the person sees with words. With a different VALID interpretation. Positive thinking, lies, won’t work here.
Getting to the different views through looking at it reality from a different angle. Through changing the context. Through showing an underlying component, like an invisible dynamic. Widening or narrowing the picture.
Many moves, all intend to change the view by changing the interpretation.
And no matter where you are on the smarts scale, the emotional maturity scale, on the vibrational scale, in your personal evolution, more often than not the change agent is outside of yourself… It’s another person. Either there personally, or through some communication. Often through a thought-form, like a meme. A joke. Parable, a story. A distinction.
More often than not.
This is why high achievers in the world always have a coach. A mentor. A friend.
For transformation to happen, for the view to change, one needs to be humble enough, and flexible enough, to allow themselves to look differently. To be guided, even if for just a moment.
But just like with a meal, it is not enough to see, and smell the food…
To go from one view, to a new view, all the way to see and then do the things consistent with this new view is the hardest thing of all.
I say.
Let’s say, as an example, that you are on the shore of a big body of water. You want to get to a city on the far shores. But swimming there is certain death. It is too far.
So that is what you see. And life is hopeless. You can’t… and you can’t have what you want. Got the mood? Have the tears of despair in your eyes? Good.
Now alongside comes the coach… and you share with her the hopes you have crushed.
And the coach’s job is to cause you to see what’s in front of you, but see it differently. Not as impossible. Maybe hard, but not impossible.
Inside the view you have now, the only options are swimming and death, or not swimming and crushed hopes.
So the coach looks with you and goes through some options that have been impossible for you to see inside those two options.
- Could anyone with a boat take you? Hire a boat, build a boat, borrow a boat…
- Does the body of water freeze in the winter, so you could walk, skate, ski to the other shore?
- Could you take a bus around the body of water?
Every question flashes a new way to see what’s in front of you.
To the degree you resist, to the same degree transformation is impossible.
So then the coach’s job is to look with you: What are you not saying? What pretense are you holding onto? And what lies? What self-concerns?
Are you going to hang onto your ‘I know and you don’t and I’ll tell you‘ attitude, or are you willing to consider that what you ‘know’ is what is keeping you stuck?
And all this work (and more) just to get to a glimpse of a different view. A view where what you ‘know’ to be impossible, looks and feels possible. Even if there will some dues to pay, like looking bad… it’s possible.
But coaching that causes the glimpse is not enough.
To take something from a glimpse to a series of effective actions if difficult. And given the ‘instant anything’ religion the eight billion worship, it is not likely that you have ANY experience, any skills to rely on to design a series of effective actions, aka a process.
One Landmark Education course attempts to teach you a method, the remaining tens of Landmark Education courses, programs and seminars stop at the glimpse. Stop and leave you to your own devices… which are almost literally non-existent.
When I tried to help people find their transferable skills, what I asked them to give me were seven projects that they successfully completed and enjoyed working on.
The overwhelming majority of the people had none. Some had one… some. A rare few, I can count their number on one hand, had two.
This is why a coach who wants to cause transformation, not just a glimpse, has to become good at designing process.
A good coach needs to take people to a new reality…
Can you do it on your own?
I myself have a difficult time with it. And I have had about 70 successful projects, and yet. Each new one is a struggle to set up.
One of my clients is struggling with a project to embroider Tagalog letters on a t-shirt, and not spend too much money on it, so the t-shirts can be sold at a profit.
Another is struggling with a project of correcting past mistakes and reduce the business and its expenses to not go beyond what it can make.
If I am hones, I should be working on increasing the income so I can continue serving you, if my body agrees.
Supposed to. But do I?
But why wouldn’t I even struggle?
And that is when the glimpse is not there yet. No transformation… yet. I am stuck with the ‘It can’t be done‘ view, alternating with the ‘Why bother, I am going to die soon‘ view.
I have a constitutionally pessimistic outlook. To see anything as possible requires me to have a transformation. Everything… several times a day.
I don’t have a coach coach. But every conversation I have, conversations where my job is not being the coach is an opportunity to be coached.
And my books. My participants’ insights about the step they are dealing with.
Whatever you read, whatever you hear, hits you exactly where you are at.
And depending on your intention, everything takes you where it takes you.
You don’t think you intend anything… but you always do.
And your intention, for the most part, is hidden from your view.
More often than not your unconscious intention comes from your ITCH.
My hidden intention yesterday in my conversation with my friend was to experience mattering to someone. To feel that whether I live or die matters to someone. That is all I intended.
Her intention was to cause me to want to live, to see choices, to wake me up to the fact that I had given up… that I was not driving my life.
I woke up to that. Not a pleasant view to wake up to.
Most of my clients wake up to that exact unpleasant view every time they interact with me.
THAT IS MY JOB. lol. No wonder I am not Miss Popularity. And my job is to help you see that unpleasant view as empowering… a new view.
And depending on how well the clients are skillful at taking at least one step in the direction of the new possible view, they keep the new view alive, or they are back to square one. Familiar from board games…
It takes just one project that they can see they can succeed with to firm up the new view. It doesn’t even have to be a big project.
One client has finally accepted that her cell hydration and consequently her intelligence needs to be high… and that is her first project… To be consistent with that.
Another client saw that arrogance and ‘instant religion’ was making him want to give up a project that can make new money in his business… so he is doing a project that stabilizes humility, at least for the duration… and that is HIS first project.
One long time client sees a project possible for himself, where instead of inventing a haughty self-image, as many times before, he will invent a self-image to hate and use hate’s energy to move away from it. He has asked for assistance in this project. This will be his first project EVER, if it ever gets off the ground.
And yet another client is, I foresee, planning to create a new habit of taking out 10-15 minutes of her busy day to ask herself questions, all that to dislodge her ‘one way to see everything’ mode.
A project, every project, always starts out with a lot of confusion, a lot of formulation, unclarity. Their projects, mine.
If you have a hard time with confusion, unclarity, you probably are coasting… and maybe you always have.
This is one of the main places where mental toughness, a high TLB are needed. To hang in there until it all simmers down to clarity. Who, what, when, how, and why.
Transformation is necessary for a life well lived… but the whole onion of transformation, not just the glimpses.
And like a good onion, it will make you cry… and that is part of the process.
So what is my most transformative programs, that have a chance to be ‘coached’ so you can have a transformation? Coaching that will teach you to do the necessary steps when you work on a project? That can help you see a direction when without the coaching you wouldn’t?
It’s the Prison Break. I didn’t create the audios that are the meat and potatoes of the program. But I created the focus, the intention that makes them work best:
- find the principles in every step… and then write a report.
- Allow the information show you vistas you haven’t considered.
- Don’t try to learn ANYTHING… just allow yourself to be taken and shown.
- Don’t resist.
- Map what you hear on yourself, and on your life… i.e. see where you already see some stuff there…
If you are willing to be consistent, if you are willing to be taken where you didn’t think you would want to go, I promise you a rose garden.
But be forewarned: unless your cell hydration is at or above 10%, I won’t accept you until it is.
Email me if you have any questions. Some people, I bet, will want to prove me wrong in that they feel they don’t need a coach. I’d be the happiest if you could. Email me anyway.
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