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The most important thing that happened to you happened when you were around three years old. It was a decision that happened to you. Even though you made that decision, you are now a slave to it.
Until that first incident you were innocent. Unless you make that decision malleable, that decision you made about how life is, how you are, how it’s best to behave, nothing can change about you or your life.
I can pull your anchor to doom energetically, and yet… nothing changes. Because that decision is like a physical skeleton, a framework, that everything, all of your life is built on.
And however you are today, however you approach anything comes from that decision. Entirely.
How the world occurred to you then.
Remember, occurrence is a combination of reality and your explanation or meaning of it.
Example: I was three when my newborn sister died. I was angry when she was born, for what reason I was angry? I don’t remember.
THEY didn’t take me to the funeral. I decided that it was because I killed her… with my anger.
For fifty or so years after that I wasn’t allowed, I didn’t give permission to myself to feel angry, let alone express anger.
When I do the work with people, we always have to go back to that first significant incident to make the decision, the meaning malleable.
People discount my efforts. They think: whatever happened is what happened. And try to work on something other, or even to change their dominant behavior.
To no result.
You cannot start in the middle and produce result. You have to start at the beginning.
I, as an experienced outsider, as a neutral observer, I can see your decision from how you are today. From your attitude.
I may not know what happened, but I know what you decided.
Sometimes I need to see you for a few minutes to see, because whatever you do with your body can be a clue.
You avoid, you resist, you deflect, you push back, you are forceful, you flail, you give up, you pretend that you are good, you pretend that you are eager… but it is all invented. By you. To fix what you said happened. To fix how the world is. How you are.
Your work pays off to the degree that you are willing to change your story.
Your story is your worldview… The seed your life is built on.
Very often it is like this:
The world doesn’t care about what I want. It only cares about what they want.
They don’t care about me, about who I am, about what I even do. They only care about how I do it…
So I’ll pretend that I am really really trying. I’ll pretend that I am exactly what they want.
I, obviously, haven’t done a very good work at making my story malleable, because had I done it, I would have a different life.
You see I decided that nobody wants me. That I am burden. That I have to get everything done myself, because I can’t count on anyone.
And, of course, life is a team sport, and I don’t have a team. I had, for a short while, at university, but I never nurtured the team, so they went where they felt appreciated and needed. I projected a ‘I don’t need anyone’ type of strength… and why help someone who doesn’t need it, right?
But it was all a pretense, because I need people.
I hope you’ll do a better job than me
So how do you really do it so it is done, and pulls your anchor up?
You look at what is your dominant attitude today.
If you can’t tell, ask someone who is trained in seeing attitudes. Who is able to tell the forest from the trees.
Likely you can’t. Likely your friends can’t. Mine can’t and couldn’t.
Here are a few examples:
–Eager beaver. Jumps in before she can see what’s going on. Listens by leaning forward, and her face becomes a sign to what degree she is interested.
Early decision: they are not interested in the results. They just want me to look like I am trying hard. So I’ll give it to them.
Life script: big flashy movements, no results, no happiness, no fulfillment.
–Take charge. Wherever she is, she direct traffic, tells people what to do. When there is a question she has an answer.
Early decision: never show them that you are weak. That you need them.
Life script: feels alone. unfulfilled. unhappy. feels unloved. Has to do everything alone.
–Sparky, the life of the party. Funny, easy laughter. Seemingly easygoing. When disappointed he is very very angry and offended.
Early decision: unless you are happy, no one wants you. That is how to deserve love.
Life script: because it is all a pretense, it is not satisfying. His production is also sparky, lacking depth…
–I am very good. I jump and do, I cheer, I am willing.
Early decision: the way to avoid being beaten to pulp is to be good…
Life script: But look all the bad people… How can they be happy, and get everything, if they are not good? What is happening? I am good and they are getting all the goodies.
—
If you saw people the way I see them, the inane and insane things they do would suddenly make sense.
The early decision is always a mask, a pretense, a rule, a lie.
It doesn’t allow for self-expression, it doesn’t allow for being a producer, that it doesn’t allow for fulfillment.
I am working one-on-one with the eager-beaver.
Her early decision got stuck on the ‘how it looks’. The harder you try, but not do, the better.
Bravado. But no real doing, because she doesn’t even know how to want a result… she wants the trying.
She is teaching me that slaves are not slaved by their chains: they are chained by their worldview.
It takes existential courage to change your worldview.
The 1000 called upon that courage. And won.
So what would be on the other side of this… What would happen, what would be available as a result of that change or clarity.
Really, whatever is not available with that early decision.
Depth. Honest work. Fulfillment. Ease and grace. Intimacy. Love.
Because you can either have the one or the other.
For me real partnership. It still brings tears into my eyes… but am I willing? Am I available? Am I willing to risk?
You see, to let go of the chains that early decision has given you, you need to be willing to make that decision malleable… meaning: not necessarily so.
Give up, occasionally, the pretense, and be willing to be who you really are… however scary that feels.
Become vulnerable. A person.
And earn your ‘stripes’ with REAL work, not the appearance of work.
Even if the appearance of work has made your life bearable, albeit not satisfying.
When you take back your power from the pretending, you have enough to actually produce some value. Extrinsic value. Worldly value.
You’ll be astonished when you see how little you have been giving of yourself. And how much you can… when you don’t pretend.
Here is an interesting tidbit:
So people have some energy available to produce. Their pretenses allow them to do work.
Other people have no energy to produce: they are too caught up in pretending to produce.
This shows up in the way they handle their health. Their cell hydration.
They even want that ‘work’ to be ‘done’ by pretending to do it, but not really.
Drives me nuts.
PS: One of the most frequent triggers is the birth of a younger sibling around age three… suddenly you are not important, you don’t matter, you feel like a mistake, a throwaway, a non-entity.
And what you decide then is what your life will be an expression of. Ugh.
If you are so inclined, I can do a one-on-one with you and see who you invented yourself to be.
Or alternatively you can buy the two webinar recordings that deal with the identity you decided upon in your early incident.
2 videos to teach it
