One great way I have discovered to see the hidden aspects of people that I would not be able to see through my ability as an empath is to get on a video call, but not have my video turned on.
But ask the other to keep their video open.
It is amazing how people don’t experience being seen unless they see you.
I don’t do this often enough. But I should… because of what becomes observable.
You can see what you do, how you are when you think no one is watching. And through that you can often see your self image: how you see yourself in spite of all the evidence to the opposite. All the evidence that your self-image is way way off.
And then some keep on being their self-image… the precious I that is doing its darned best to make you appear better.
There is a self-image of public consumption and there is a self-image for your own…
The behaviors associated with these are the hardest to change, because these are mostly unconscious.
The sitting on the edge of your seat, you leaning forward while your face is like a mask of eagerness and attention…
The lying down or working on your toenails while you are talking to your supposedly better.
Some people remind me of the camel… the ‘I am important’ facial expression coupled with the raised head… While other times these same people collapse on themselves in a pile of self-pity and self-doubt.
Another way to look for the hidden and well-covered identity is to look for words that the person uses. The verbal ticks.
They will give you away. Not you, your precious I, the made up persona that you think you are.
Everything about that persona is made up… good, bad, and ugly… like a snow ball that has different colors of snow pushed together to be a ball…
Yet another way you can know more about people is: what they do, what they watch, what they fill themselves with when no one is watching.
I was lead today to find out more about Fred Rogers, Mr. Rogers and his neighborhood.
I am crying. I hear everything he tells children as a child, my hurt child inside. And I cry. It’s not sadness. It is when the pain goes away: relief. Gratitude. All the bad stuff I made my precious I to fix.
I can see that I could have been kind… that hasn’t been part of my precious I. I could have been Mr. Rogers… Had I know what to do with my pain, what to do with my anger.
But I think it is not over till the fat lady sings. And I may not have much time, but I’ll use it to heal all that hurt… maybe by watching Mr. Rogers’ neighborhood.
And allow it to heal me.
And like I teach in my ‘invent’ workshop, I now will practice having a self-image of unkind, intolerant, edgy… Yeah, that is what I am going to do.
Invent to peel of the not-youAnd even though he is not talking to you, per se, you feel seen, you feel honored, you feel redeemed, at last.
