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What can you and what can’t you control yet you are trying to…
I am not sure where it came from. It is definitely not part of my heritage…
My hunch that it came from the Peeping Tom myth… also called Christianity. Are you hating me yet?
In that myth the guy in the sky doesn’t only judge your behavior, he also judges your thoughts.
And even having an unclean thought is a sin… How controlling, how evil, how unfair. Reminds me of the alt-right… judging you for the color of your skin.
You have absolutely no control over your thoughts, because you don’t think them consciously. Your thoughts THINK YOU!
Same with your emotions…
You have zero control over your emotions. You haven’t caused them, so you can’t, cannot uncause them, you cannot change them… at least not directly.
It is true that all emotions respond to words… because they were created by those unconscious thoughts that think you. Yes, words. Even if you didn’t hear the words, you can surmise what they could be.
I used to play this with my mates: What must I have said that I feel this way? Absolutely correctly the question should have been: What thought must have thought me that I feel this way?
For example I woke up this morning. A good night sleep, the temperature is just heavenly. And then the thought came: it is my birthday. And then other thought were rushing in: I received no gifts, nobody loves me… Not even Helen…
I felt disappointed… I caught it, and then I chuckled.
That ‘nobody loves me‘ is mighty familiar, albeit I haven’t heard it for a while.
A few years ago I got a little video of my high school graduation. There I am walking the hallowed corridors of the school. I am beautiful (according to my taste, lol) and somber. No, not somber, I can’t find the word. I am wearing the demeanor of ‘nobody loves me‘. I can’t find that video… sorry.
It is very funny and it is very sad.
First off: who gives a flying fig? Second: it was probably not even accurate. Given that no living human can actually love, I should have said: nobody fancies me… and then I would have known it was a lie… And I would have known that I didn’t care.
And it is the same today.
I have now gotten birthday wishes from the countries that are already awake… In this land, America, people are either sleeping or … we shall see…
You saw where that sentence wanted to go, didn’t you?
Why would, anyone in their right mind want to think something that makes them sad? Unless some inner mechanism prefers them to be off the hook, and miserable?
You can only MANAGE your thoughts and your emotions.
Managing means: you nudge them a little to where you’d prefer them to go. Being a pragmatist.
My ‘who gives a flying fig’ does just that. It goes toe to toe with the ‘nobody loves me’… and it poof! weakens the sadness.
I have this theory that you cannot feel someone else’s love, only your own. At least I have never felt it. If I could feel it it would matter whether they love me or not.
But ultimately the only kind of love people can feel on the level of vibration is the kind of love that is in ‘I love ice cream!’ or ‘I love fried chicken!’ where nothing belongs to the beloved: it is all about the lover. And it is the enjoyment they get from consuming the beloved… Ugh. Thank you but no thank you!
The moment I RECOVER from that automatic thought, I am free to think whatever I want… So I am going to think now: If it is to be, it is up to me!
If I am to have a happy birthday, it is entirely up to me.
I’ll bring my happiness to it, and won’t want anything from others, from life, from anything.
On another note… I have new neighbors. Energetically it is like they aren’t there at all. No emotions.
And also no neighbors in the downstairs apartment either.
So I now feel my own feelings more readily… and I can manage how I feel more readily. I can hear the automatic thoughts clearer… It’s like I have a judgmental older relative postulating inside me… spouting nonsense.
If you think that changing your thoughts, forcing your thoughts, suppressing your thoughts is a good idea: think again.
Whatever you resist persists.
You can allow the thoughts and the necessary emotions… And allow them to pass through your sky as clouds. If you consider them unimportant, and they are, then they will move on.
I have two very judgmental students. They are forcefully trying to change their thoughts. Both had hyper-religious upbringing.
They need to learn to allow the judgments, and if they want to manage what they actually think, they need to learn to assess instead. It is still an opinion, but at least not inside the black and white, dead or alive paradigm that is a misery maker.
Assessing = evaluating or estimating the nature, ability, or quality of something is not automatic, while judging is.
And even after you automatically judge something… you can look, LOOK, and assess.
I was just sent a link to a twitter post of a video of right wing men marching on some downtown street in America in combat gear and full face masks. These same young men refused to wear masks to prevent getting and spreading the pandemic… I think.
Fascism gives a purpose to aimless youth…
When life is empty and you have no meaning, any meaning will do. Any enemy will firm you up inside.
So instead of judging which makes ME miserable, I have found that compassion, seeing the world through the eyes of the one I’ve judged. Compassion and assessment are very useful management tools when it comes to thoughts and judgment. While forcing or suppressing hurts you.
By the way: what I am sharing here is a skill… Life skill. Managing your moods… Managing your thoughts…
I will teach this and provide a playground to practice in the Layers of Mastery program.
But before I launch it, I am curious where people are at… where you are at…
So I’ll be having a free tete-a-tete on Saturday, September 10… 2 pm EDT… if earlier would be better, I can reschedule.
It’s all about life-skills, like the one I am sharing in this article.
Come to a call with me.
