Don’t look backwards unless you want to go that way – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Summary: This is a complement piece to the previous article about letting go.

This article goes more below the surface, more below the obvious… so you cannot keep it on the level of the society approved level of inane…

Is the quote in the title a true guidance statement, or is it one of those “sounds good” mind-numbing nothings perfectly suitable for the Facebook pretentious crowd?

I let you know, that this exact quote was under my name in my signature file in my emails for about 5 years. It served me well, but I probably read it differently from most of you.

As a naive knucklehead bumbling idiot… historically speaking, (this is the past I am talking about! but unfortunately it’s genetic, so I must look out, stay aware, lest I slip into that identity again… lol,) I have had my share of being bamboozled, cheated, hurt, robbed, etc.

Every time I looked at the idea of suing people, I saw, in the same glance, the wasted years, the wasted opportunities, the wasted life. I saw that you either move forward or you “handle” the past. ¹

I chose, every time, not to sue. Instead, I valued moving forward, living, growing, more than a fixed sum of reward that maybe I would be awarded. ²

The same attitude I brought to relationships, jobs, errors, faulty products, etc. I chose, every time, without fail, to let go and accept the losses as business expenses, “the business of life” I mean.

So what was I lacking that you so abundantly have? How come I rarely got hooked (I did get hooked twice in the past 25 years, once when Landmark Education “mistreated” me, and once when the Healing Codes company “mistreated” me. I have since let go of my grievances, though it was really hard…)

It’s easy to see that in the two instances where I didn’t let go that easily, I was right. I was justified. I wanted to win. And I felt frustrated, thwarted by the companies’ behavior towards me.

The above ways are typical moves of the “identity machine”, but there are more than just those few.

Here are the basic moves that keep you stuck. They rarely come alone, mostly they combine, so it is harder to see and recognize:

1. You want to look good, or alternatively you want to avoid looking bad. It is more important to you than life, happiness, money, love, healthe, peace of mind. It looks to you that if you don’t look good, you are as good as dead… so you fight.
2. You want to be right. Retrospectively, in the future, always. Right about what happened, right about whose fault it is, right about what it meant, right about your point of view, your perception, your story.

   

   

   

   

   Of course, while you are right, someone must be wrong… and the argument goes on and one, while life is passing you by. You pay through your nose with your health, your wealth, your success, your affinity to people… you pay and pay and pay.

   Often the people who are “wrong” have been dead for decades. But you are still fighting for your right to be right.

3. You keep on justifying your actions, that were right or wrong… who cares. But you are stuck. As you are doing that, you MUST invalidate anyone who doesn’t agree with you… and you end up alone, poor, miserable, and justified.

   You do this every time when someone DARES to say anything that doesn’t exactly agree with what you fancy you are doing… by the way. This is the most frequent behavior a coach encounters.

4. You are so afraid of being dominated, that everything shows up to you as domination. I would hate to have sex with you… I’d rather choose a bear… lol.

   You alternate between dominating and avoiding domination.

   You take up time on my calls, and you won’t take any guidance… and because how you do your life is exactly the way you do your coaching calls with me… I can only imagine the dynamics of your life… Your body aches, because resistance is your main “move.”

   In extreme cases you turn your resistance into spite… which kills not just your life but the life of the person that was silly enough to befriend you.

   When you have spite, you moved yourself fully to the Dark Side.

5. You want to win, you need to win. Every conversation, every argument, every minute of every day. You are probably a chatter-box… you talk your opponent to death.

   Losing represent the worst you imagine about yourself, mostly worthless, stupid, or a waste… so you avoid it like a plague… It looks real, it looks threatening, you won’t look it in the eye.

   One of the victories I had when I embraced my fear that I am stupid. I haven’t done too many stupid things since then… before that I did one after the other: I had to. After all when you are trying to avoid something, you always bump up against it.

6. Avoid being responsible. This may be the hardest to explain and the most frequent at the same time. It’s hard to explain because you can do, or avoid doing so many things, one article may not be long enough to list them all.

   Let me then list you only a few:

   1. You hold your point of view as the truth, not as a point of view. You refuse to look at what happened from every angle, because then you would be able to be so sure of your “truth” and maybe you would have to do something with your life… as a result.
   2. You learn, you read, you watch videos. You concentrate on understanding, fitting it in with what you already “knew”, you sort, you filter… and your life sucks.

      You are unwilling to be responsible for living out of the hard drive of your being… and that your knowledge is worthless hodge podge, and you never actually used the incredible power given to you by birth: consciousness.

   3. You get into trouble. You are upset. You tell the story to everyone who is willing to listen. Maybe you start a blog that attract people like yourself: more interested in pointing fingers, blaming the system, than living. You conveniently ignore your role, your “causality” in the matter, because if you admitted it, your whole castle of omissions (lies!) would collapse, your life as you know it (drama and you drama queen in it) would disappear.

   These are three very popular ways to avoid being responsible, avoid being powerful.

   Responsibility is your access to real power, your access to the part of you that we call “consciousness”, that we could call “The Creator.”

   Instead you call control, domination as “power” because you are very “powerful” at making yourself and everyone associated with you miserable, go around in circles.

The problem most of us face is that the moment we have an emotion, we become stupid. Narrow minded. Stop breathing. Retreat into the mind.

The Heaven on Earth aka Sleep Rescue remedy is perfect for keeping you out of those traps… especially if you use the remedy consciously: knowing what you want it to deal with: emotion, breathing, mind.

1. The capacity I used here is called “See the Big Picture
2. Just like I said no to a marriage proposal that would have given me money that came with the unfortunate and undesirable side-effect of having to live with someone I did not enjoy being with.

Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

True empath, award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar View all posts by Sophie Benshitta Maven