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Let’s see if you have a sense of humor? If you don’t… stop here and go darken someone’s day
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. ~ Woody Allen
When I first came to the United States in late September of 1985, my trip was paid by a lawyer somewhere on the Palisades of NJ. I asked his secretary to type up my resume. She did it, on a computer.
There was something I wanted to change, so I asked for permission to go to the office and change that thing over the weekend.
That was the first time ever I did anything on a computer. I remember it took me hours of reading the manual to figure out what c-drive was and what to type in to make the computer do something, and open the document of my resume.
It was DOS time baby… I know that NOW but then I could not tell my arse from a hole in the ground.
And when I found the resume it fell apart in one keystroke… oops.
I spent the day and the evening in that office, but in the end I had a resume.
I was reminded of this incident this morning when I was trying to make a ebook readable for my new hero client who wants to start a business. And the word document of the book did look just like my resume back in 1985 and was formatted with as much ‘savvy’… meaning none. Using none of the built in capabilities of MS Word.
And when I look: I see this same ‘attitude’ everywhere. I call it arrogance… the arrogance of the ignorant.
What I call ignorant is
- doesn’t know
- doesn’t find out…
- just makes up their own b.s. answer.
i.e. reduces the world to stone age level, where there was nothing…
Some people read a book, take a course, hire a coach and then do what they have always done… stone age… or at least ‘before they learned anything for a lot of money’ age.
Boggles the mind.
So… What is missing?
I say openness.
And… What is there?
Rigidness. Rigidity. I will use by club and clobber you to submission attitude.
The hardest clients to make a difference for are the rigid ones… They will, maybe, humor you to take them to the water, but they won’t drink. And they won’t tell you straight that you are wasting your time either.
Anyway, Rant for this morning… check. All done.
On a brighter note: I had a call with Amy, longtime student, great conversationalist. This was our third call, and I’ve come away from every call with something akin a gold nugget for myself…
But this time it was even better.
I had been sulking for a few weeks about some stuff, and I may even say that it’s been about a month.
I knew it was my racket… because every time you are not happy, it is always your racket.
But the racket is a tricky machine, and I could not see what I can do about becoming happy again.
WARNING! when you work with your racket, please know that what you’ll see won’t make you look good, make you smell like roses… No. You’ll look like a creep. Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you.
It began with my birthday.
My friend didn’t call, didn’t get me a gift, even though, for her birthday I took her out to a restaurant, I bought her a gift… blah blah blah.
And even when I reminded her that it was my birthday, a week later, she didn’t say ‘happy birthday’. I wasn’t important enough to her… I said to myself, and promptly cut communication with her.
Then a little later I offered one of my coaches to adjust his DNA… I saw that he needed it, he was stuck and didn’t see his way out of the ditch. He said OK. I did it, and emailed the instructions (the responsibility questions and how to use them) to him… twice.
He didn’t acknowledge it, didn’t thank me, so I never came to his sessions any more, and bitched about him to anyone who was willing to listen. (gossip)
Last Thursday I went to another coach’s session and offered shares etc. The last time I started to talk he rolled his eyes (thank you zoom). That was the last straw that broke this camel’s back.
In hindsight it’s funny, but being in the middle of it wasn’t funny at all.
I even took it through the responsibility questions… and yet the misery, the WRONG, the wrongness of all those situations didn’t go away, until last night.
Thanks to Amy bringing up context and meaning in the conversation, I saw that counter to every other area of my life, this area: friendship, being heard, my contribution being appreciated was never covered.
What am I saying? that for every area of life I have a meaning, a context that allows for all kinds of things to happen and yet I am going to be OK.
Just like Victor Frankl could be OK with whatever happened in the Nazi concentration camp… Because he created a meaning for his life, and everything that happened in there was ‘all in a day’s work‘ towards freedom, and love. And the thriving practice he was going to have after he gets liberated from the camp.
It was, in a way, easier for him.
If I had the audacity to make up a meaning/future for myself where I am celebrated, then all these incidents where I was dissed would not matter.
But I don’t see a future like that, so I need to make up something that neutralizes the significance of people dissing me, not seeing the value in what I give, what I say, etc.
- No One Is A Prophet In Their Own Land
- A prophet is not without honor except in his own country
These sayings are very important teachings… everyone will hear you either less than them, or same as them, and therefore will diss you, unless you are a celebrity of sorts.
Doctors are dissed by their brothers and parents… for example.
So unless a person doesn’t need to be validated by anyone to be OK
So unless a person doesn’t need to be validated by anyone to be OK, unless they do their own self-validation, thoughtfully, and not delusionally, delusively, they will suffer… like I did suffer.
Now, being able to create a self-validation, a meaning, is a challenge… For now I can only think of a 20th Century sage’s example: ‘I Yam What I Yam and that’s all I yam’
And now, saying that, you can roll your eyes, you can ignore my birthday, you can do whatever you want, call me names, I am now and forever OK.
Got it? Simple, although not easy.
We are all taught to create meaning, create context that is huuuuuge… significant… and is all about others.
That is never going to make you happy.
You need to OWN who you are, what you want, and what you want is, I hope, is to be happy, with yourself and with life.
Others? Let them worry about themselves, it’s not your job to make others happy. Never was, and never will be.
And if others are not happy with you? First off: make sure you are happy with yourself. And second: with the responsibility questions, make sure you can also be happy with your actions… including stepping on other people’s toes. Manipulating. Gossiping. Hating. Comparing. Coercing. Lying to. etc.
If you can… I am happy for you.
I can’t… and that is why I was unhappy, if I really look.
OK, now what? Right?
Will the rest of this article be a let-down?
Let’s make it fly… baby.
I have seen, from the response, that having the foresight capacity rang some bells for people.
So, drumroll please, from now on, I will include it in the DNA adjustment… whether I’ll do it manually, or in the remedy.
So if you have the remedy, you already have it.
People ask how to keep it active.
The key is to ask the responsibility questions… I am adding this new question to the questions:
- What was your context to this interaction that caused you to feel miserable? and to make the foresight alive, one tentative question:
- Am I looking what will be the consequence, the fallout from this action?
And I mean every action, even the ones you don’t want anyone to know about.
So the manipulative ones are also included. Actions that are designed to hide your underhanded intention as well.
The lies too. Even the white lies.
Do you hate me yet? lol.
OK, room for 2-3 more clients in the Heroes’ Lair…
It is individual COACHING. Not therapy. Coaching is only possible if you are in action towards something that is specific, measurable and in time.
So if you have a term paper/dissertation/book to write… yeah. Maybe you have a business to start… yeah. If you want to double your income and you have a vehicle, a job or a business… yeah.
Suppose you just want to feel better… no. If you want to get a divorce, move to another state or country, yeah. If you want to get rid of your cancer, yeah.
You see, feel better is all in your head… not measurable. Nice but no cigar.
And just please know, that unless you have your DNA adjusted, you won’t be considered.
Your $20 is a non-refundable fee to pay me for my troubles deciding if you are a good candidate…
Apply to be in the hero program.PS: I just got another gold nugget in email from another student:
He reminded me to look at what I am getting instead of what I am not… F….ck…
To appreciate what I got and not worry about what I didn’t.
So in all those incidents that I was complaining about I got a place to say what I said. And with the birthday person: I had someone to talk to occasionally, and someone to take out to lunch…
OK, my stomach is complaining, that I gave more and got nothing in return. How about: I got to eat in a restaurant too in the midst of the pandemic… Hm. Really? Hell really.
Did I like my food? Yeah. Did I have fun? Yeah. Thank you Miko. My stomach just stopped rumbling.
Brilliant. Thank you. I am all good, all cooked for today.
