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I watched Jordan Peterson interviews for hours the other day.
On one hand he was brilliant, on the other hand he was pathetic.
The occasion for the lots of interviews is: he just published yet another book, another 12 laws… I haven’t read.
This was, from my vantage point, his first interview after his crash, so I was curious.
What is this brilliant/pathetic combination?
What clued me in was a dream I had this morning, when I went back to bed after getting up, and fell asleep. In my dream some expert looked at my email to my subscribers from yesterday and scowled. She said: two line sign-off… I bet you didn’t get a lot of clicks!
Last night I listened, for a few minutes to my new podcast, and was stunned by how strong my accent was… I knew I had an accent, but this was the strongest in the past 30 years…
So what am I talking about?
I am talking about needy… neediness.
Some 29 years ago I had an inspired insight, that when you have any of the four words, expressions in your speaking, out-loud or in your head, what you say is that you are powerless, and you are in scarcity… not in possibility.
What are those four words?
having to
needing to
wanting to
should
- When you are in your power, you don’t have to anything… you just do, or go for it, or just be.
- When you are in your power you don’t need to do, have, feel, not feel anything… you have no needs.
- When you are in your power, you don’t talk about your wants, you go for them. You may have intentions… but they are not wants.
- And the same with should… no need, no have to, no want to… and no should is present when you are in your power.
And, of course, what all advertising, all political speeches, all Facebook and Twitter, all marketing emails, and what all the people in your life do is light a fire under your neediness, your have to, your need to, your want to, your should… and they overpower even the strongest… at least occasionally and at least temporarily. I have muscletested all my teachers… and yeah, occasionally they are overpowered too… so it is not just you and me.
You may have a fear of loss, like Jordan Peterson has that the potential loss of his wife means the end of happiness… needy. Or the loss of fame and success, the loss of heath, the loss of life… needy. Or needing to be understood, liked, appreciated, respected, accepted, belong, listened to… whatever…
Back to Jordan Peterson: Was he made needy by fame? I feel he came to the ‘scene’ needy. He kept on testing his limits not as an adventure, but a need to prove something to himself.
Puppet on the neediness string…
If you have observed me over the years, when I look at a person I am asked to review, I don’t argue with what they say… even if I think it is horse manure. I look at their vibration, I look at their stuff truth value, and don’t bring my own convictions into the measurements.
Jordan Peterson’s vibration is 170. And his stuff’s truth value: 10%
His soul correction is ‘Silent Partner’, and in my experience that is one of the neediest soul corrections… where the person alternates between being a doormat and being a harpie.
By the way, you can be ‘wanty’, you can be a have-to, you can be a should or maybe even a shouldn’t person… it is all neediness… Why? Because you are not interfacing reality the way it is, you are trying to adjust yourself or reality to your requirements… and, of course, it doesn’t work. You really and truly live, when needy, in the Valley of the SHADOW of death… the horizontal plane.
The name of his soul correction, Silent Partner, refers to the need of having someone in his corner… but it’s never enough… The need doesn’t go away. It actually grows.
Why?
In the ITCH program we looked and found that the original WANT that we said was a need can’t be fulfilled… ‘the NEED’ becomes part of the identity.
Cemented. You want to take it away? you need to kill the person first. It’s not a problem that can or needs to be fixed.
But the ‘need’ can be owned and consciously turned on its head.
Many of the best ‘tactics’ are turning what you have on its head.
I ‘invented’ my life’s purpose by turning my biggest complaint on its head. Of course underneath your biggest complaints, maybe all of your complaints there is one of those four phrases… having to, needing to, wanting to, and should/shouldn’t.
So we could say that it is possible to use that one distinction and dig yourself out of the hole you find yourself in at any point, and become powerful again.
- 70% of the time just realizing that you got yourself into needy mode is enough to release you from that bind.
And 30% of the time you may need to look what ‘narrative’, what ‘story’, what WORDS got you there, and then you can release those words… like you would release a leash around your neck. The collar stays… don’t kid yourself, but the carabiner of the leash can be released.
It is the nature of the human condition that you are vulnerable to be caught with the leash. Don’t fight it, get aware, learn the symptoms, and learn the simple act of releasing… It is a combination of saying ‘yes’ first, and then saying ‘no’ second.
If you do those in the wrong order, the leash gets tighter…
Don’t fight the leash… Allow it first, that will make it loose enough to stop strangulating you. And then just simply unhook it by saying ‘no’.
I have done it, in fact I am doing it now.
Before I was waken up this morning to the fact that I have been needy, I was trying to fix how I felt. I ate crunchy, I craved sweet, I wanted relief… I watched inspiring movies.
But none of these ‘fixes’ can release you from the bondage of neediness.
It is like trying to unhitch a semi trailer from the truck while it is moving at 100 miles an hour…
No, first you stop the truck, and then, consciously unhook the trailer.
Did Jordan Peterson recognize that he is needy? Despite him getting glimpses of it, he hasn’t… and without recognizing it, accepting it, he can’t let it go. So he will continue flailing till he does…
He is not alone… obviously
I got a comment the other day where the commenter’s entire life, future, happiness, sense of self depends on the success of a project or decision. It wasn’t clear from the message which.
Having lived for 73 years, nothing is really like that… and looking that way at any decision, any project, any success makes you needy squared.
That’s why my third teacher Sean D’Sousa teaches to never start a business, start a project. That instantly takes you out of needing it to succeed.
I got to where I am at not through many disastrous decisions, one deadlier than the others. I seem to be really good at that… and it comes, of course, my ‘doom’… but I won’t digress…
Leaving countries, jobs, bad relationships, bad business decisions, all lead to where I am now.
When I ask Source the hypothetical question: would I have become a happier person had I stayed the course? And the answer is 100% no.
The moment I let go of needing anything, the way I just have, I feel happy. I suddenly can see the sky, the budding leaves, hear the birds… The residual sadness, a sense of loss still blocks my breathing… I have nothing to feel sad about now… I guess it is sadness I suppressed the past 24 days…
I know what started this descent to neediness.
A solid-seeming student suddenly withdrew from all my core programs…
Even smaller and less significant events can push you/me into needy mode… scarcity mode.
So learning to get out of neediness, fast, is your best strategy.
Just like positive thinking doesn’t protect you from anything bad, you can’t effectively prevent descending into neediness.
It is normal… albeit not useful and not pleasant.
So if you can’t prevent it, then you need to know how to get out of it.
You can’t prevent getting dirty, getting hungry… neediness is as natural and as normal as those. And learning how to remove neediness isn’t taught in school, isn’t taught in courses as far as I know, until now.
I am going to do a little workshop where I’ll teach through coaching: coaching is my favorite method of teaching.
I’ll make it Saturday 4 pm my time, a week from today, May 1.
Because I have never taught this… I’ll make this a steal of a deal.
You can get one-on-one coaching, inside that call, for a measly $20. And to boot, you can even come if you have never talked to me before…
If you want coaching, you need to have a good quality connection with a working microphone.
I’ll do the call on gotowebinar, works on phones and on the desktop… Because I am an empath, I feel you better, stronger if I don’t see you… and even though I have a zoom account, I prefer coaching on gotowebinar.
If I don’t know you, I would appreciate if you added the starting point measurements… to your payment.
Learn to lift yourself from needinessPS: I teach and heed this 2400 year old ‘coaching’ by Hillel the elder:
If I am not for me, who is for me?
If I am only for myself, who am I?
If not now, when?
In case of neediness, catching yourself needy, you have two choices:
- 1. give yourself what you feel you need. The neediness continues but you’ll feel better. Example: you need love… so give yourself a little loving
- 2. you find yourself needy… find a way to lift yourself from neediness, to freedom, to power, to joy. I prefer this action… but haven’t taught this in any of my courses or workshops.
So if you have the ITCH program… you may want to come and learn the new trick.
If you can’t make it to the live course, you’ll still have access to the recordings inside my mobile app. If you are not up with the times… let me know and I’ll see if I am willing to post it also for the desktop. This applies to all my programs… you can always make requests of me… and I may oblige. After all I want you to have what I’ve got.
PPS: brilliant
