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Alan Deutschman says you need 3 R’s… relate, repeat, reframe to effect lasting change.
I hate when people try to do anagrams or 3r’s from their advice, but I’ll fight off my disgust, and translate for you…
Relate, the first R, stands for hope. Trust. Faith. Faith that you can and will do it.
He says that for someone to change someone else has the believe that they can.
The doctor, the therapist, the teacher.
And also you need to have a community, a support group, or some other people who you are on the same path with, in the same boat.
- Maybe that is the power of Alcoholics Anonymous. Your sponsor believes in you that you can change. The group is there.
- You are trained to say ‘one day at a time’ which is the repeat element of the 3 R’s
- And reframe is helping people to look at things from different angles (frames) so they can find one where they can, and they will do what it takes to get the thing done, in this case, change whatever they need to change.
Ultimately all change is changing yourself on the inside: who you are for yourself
Between you and me, the person who are right now cannot do all the things you hope to do, hope to accomplish, or not for long.
It’s a design issue. The design needs to match the function, preferably perfectly, or it takes too much will power, or too much force, or there is too much wear on the organism to sustain.
- When someone starts exercising without giving time for the inside and the outside to adjust and reconfigure, they often kill themselves, or maim themselves.
- The same can happen with working long strenuous hours…
- Or being in a relationship, being promoted to be a leader, or suddenly having a child.
The design didn’t change, didn’t have time to change, and the result is disaster.
I am listening keenly to the people who love reading my articles, and I feel them saying to themselves that there is no way they can do it.
Track record
Their track record speaks for itself… and that is really important to know.
You have a track record that tells you who you are, and how your ‘design’ is… and therefore it tells you what you WILL do.
The predictable future, based on your actions in the past.
In one of my courses we have this exercise where we look what you have been doing, what has been your attitude, what results you have been having… your track record, and then the assignment is to extend the timeline and see where it goes.
If you continue doing what you have been doing, having the attitude you’ve been having, producing the results you have been producing, in five years where will you be?
Most people imagine that they will be different. Others say: they will continue doing what they are doing, with the same attitude, no problem.
It takes radical honesty to see where your life is going
The truth is: who you have been being will produce unhappiness, lack of health, often tragedy, big troubles, and for some death.
The book brings examples from the kind of people or groups where what is predictable is death or incarceration, poverty, homelessness… and proves that it is never the fear of that inevitable future that changes people, it is always something else… the 3 R’s…
- Someone believed that they could change,
- someone set up a structure (a group) where repetition was trackable, normal, and checked upon.
- And someone provided the group with education so they can start looking at things differently… aka reframing.
I’ve first heard about this book from one of my coaches who created a group based on this book a few years ago. He used the principles of the book to create a group coaching for big men like himself, who needed to lose a 100 pounds, minimum. He used it as his structure for change. I know one of his participants too…
He melted off a lot of the fat… but that doesn’t mean he changed.
He is still a food addict…
Something inside didn’t change. He is unhappy, hasn’t found his path, his self, and, my hunch, that he has been the same person he had always been… lost and trying.
Unless you change inside, become the person who does life differently, your life is still going in the same direction.
The who is the common denominator, the cause below the visible, in everything that you do, that you feel, that happens to you.
Unless the who changes, nothing will change for long. You can hammer a square peg into a round hole, but something will have to go… and the peg will come out of the hole.
For this dude the reframing didn’t work… or just simply never happened. He came once to one of my classes, and checking with him, he didn’t allow the course to effect him.
The who doesn’t change unless what the who sees, about themselves, about the world, about life changes through reframing.
Without reframing the who keeps on doing what they have always done… how they have always done it…
I have a sheet of paper somewhere among the stuff on or around my computers that has the Hebrew symbols of ‘I am more than enough’ and if and when I am heading towards desperation, depression, hopelessness, discouragement, I am sure to look at it and I recover in short order.
The world may be nasty, unfriendly, unfair, cold and unfeeling, whatever the world tends to be. But who I am is more than enough. I am more than a match for whatever life can throw at me.
I wasn’t always like this. In fact I felt like a victim till I realized that I am the only one who can decide if I am a victim or a perpetrator… i.e. a cause. And I decided that I prefer to be the perpetrator.
At the time I participated in Landmark Education, both as a paying participant and as an unpaid and frankly unappreciated volunteer. Every single day. That was my structure. I immersed myself in a culture that emphasized ‘reframing’… and the role of the who.
When I moved to Syracuse where I had no support structure already, I created one.
When I felt I could stand on my own two feet, I created this ‘business’, also a support structure for me.
I needed to change, and I did what I had to do so I can have the life I can love and live powerfully.
How much of it do I have now? 90%.
The who still has room to change.
If the purpose of life is to become all you can become, I am living that purpose.
The who that you are today doesn’t.
By design who you are is a mere shadow of who you can be. On average 10% of your potential.
Most people don’t opt to become the best they can become… it is too inconvenient, it is too politically incorrect, their family would never support them, blah blah blah…
But each and every person has a desire to be more.
I talk to this dude who is even older than I am. We talk every Sunday. In fact we have been talking since 2007. We have never met in person, and honestly, we have no desire to meet.
Some Sundays are hard on him, because my muscletest tells him that he doesn’t have what it takes to change.
It’s interesting to observe, because he has shown no indication that he intends to do anything different than what he is doing, which is go to work, cook, clean, watch television.
And yet, the idea that he doesn’t have what it takes to change irks him.
The soul, I guess, wants you to become all you can become… and if you are like most people, you do nothing in the direction of change… and not surprisingly your soul makes you miserable.
The soul is like a little kid who will drive you bonkers. It will want your attention, it will cling to your pants or your skirt, and will allow you to have no peace of mind.
One of the ‘structures’ I set up for my core group students is called ‘the incomplete cycles‘.
It has some 40 areas of life where you have some unfinished business.
Something you’ve wanted, something you’ve started, something you’ve dreamed about. Someone you haven’t forgiven. Things you have done that you haven’t forgiven yourself. Things you borrowed and haven’t returned. Things you have thought of saying but never said…
My biggest ‘incomplete cycle’ is the stuff I could sell on ebay, but have never done anything about selling it.
Every day, several times, they catch my eyes and I feel the soul pulling my pants and whining.
The structure is to ‘complete’ a few items a week on your incomplete cycles list, so they are no longer incomplete. The simplest way to do it is to say: ‘I am not going to do that’.
Unfortunately it doesn’t work with my tens of thousands of dollars worth of stuff I don’t need, don’t want, don’t use, but fill my shelves.
They are the clouds on my blue sky… The who feels powerless in the face of a mountain of stuff… It is valuable, but not for me. So just simply throwing them away, courses I paid thousands of dollars for, machines I paid hundreds of dollars for…
So the who is suffering.
Nothing compared of how your who suffers, I say.
Students report back that every time they put an ‘incomplete cycle’ out of its misery, they feel lighter… and with every completion comes more energy to see one’s self as powerful, someone who can do anything. Who can be more than enough.
Another structure we are testing can, potentially, turn you into someone who get dream up things and get them done.
Both are powerful tools to alter the who.
And, of course, in the base course we work, diligently, tirelessly in looking at things from many different vantage points, so what you see can change… and with that: who you see yourself as, can change as well.
And thirdly, in the Soaring Method course we take it another step further: in here you invent yourself anew. Words… powerful words that do the reframing as well.
Of course, this is a system. And that is what causes people to have cold feet.
They keep on hoping for instant change. Like the Silva Mind Control, or the MindMovies, or the Unlimited Abundance, or whatever gurus dream up to pull you in.
But, unfortunately for both of us, only a system can cause lasting change.
Some teachers have some parts… but not others, and they can’t help you change, or they can’t help you make it stick.
I have, for the first time, a married couple in my programs.
I have real hopes for them, because most people when they leave the webinar with me, they immerse in a culture that is either complacent, demanding, or outright encouraging them to remain the same.
But when the couple hang up the phone, they are with each other… and they can support each other to become all they can become, They can go furthest… all the way to the stars.
There is a saying that if you managed to change one person’s life to the better in your lifetime, you didn’t live in vain.
I didn’t have this system until just a few weeks ago… so, like other teachers’, my programs didn’t produce lasting results.
I grieve for the beautiful people who were part of my life and now they aren’t. Kathryn, Nancy, Mira, and many more.
And whether the change was to raise your cell hydration so you can be smart and vibrant… or if it was so you can be healthy, and move about with ease, or so you can have the relationship of your dream, with husband, child, parent… I have taken you as far as you could be taken without a system.
Does anyone in the ‘marketplace’ have a system for lasting change? Not a one, Source says.
Which means that no matter what program you have done, or are doing, including the ones I know intimately, even if you are experiencing changes, they are temporary.
But with my system now I can guarantee the results and I can guarantee that they will last, if you stick with the system.
In this article I just wanted you to know how things are going on the Raise your vibration business… I don’t have a program to sell you.
I should, I know, bad timing.
But I do offer 30% off my health services, measuring your health, measuring the ideal food at this time, or whether you have nutritional deficiencies and what supplements would balance it out. You can also add on my water energizer system and get a discount or add health consultation. Until midnight tonight. Use the coupon code SELF30 to get the discount.
Go to step 2PS: The system of change can be applied to any kind of change.
Everything new needs you to change into someone who can and will do it. Including health stuff.
And the medical establishment reports that unsupported the chance of failure is very very high… in the 90% and above range. Same is with weight loss. Most people, virtually all, regain the lost weight and more within five years.
Lifestyle changes need you to become a different person.
Only a person who is different inside will live differently… don’t kid yourself about it.
Certain aspect of my healing practice I can’t talk about… but trust me, I can heal someone, but if they remain the same, and a same person will do and react to life in the same way, their troubles will return… I am sorry to report.
