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If you were a cabbage… would you allow yourself to be trained to become a cauliflower? Roman Cauliflower… like the picture to the left? What prevents you from that?
You want to be more, know more, but you prevent yourself from it… But how?
But how do you prevent yourself from learning, being trained, getting better, growing as a person?
No, it is not lack of brain power. And No, it is not even lack of curiosity, lack of tenacity, lack of assiduity. Even though those are part and parcel of what is really holding you back.
Here is my story. Back in 1987 I participated in a year long training that had four parts. The first part was training about being trained. And it started with this rule that shook me to my core and created the learning machine I am.
The rule said: You can’t be trained unless you declare yourself incompetent
Incompetent? Incompetent in what you want to be trained in…
Not in everything… but in that.
First off: I was a babe in the woods about being incompetent… I had to be smart… But luckily for me I knew I didn’t know.
Being incompetent is simply saying: ‘I don’t know. And I don’t know how.‘
Important for me: my self-view was a good fit to be trained.
For me smart doesn’t mean knowing. Doesn’t mean I have to have the answer. For me smart means that I am willing to look, willing to see, and willing to learn.
When I look at my classmates from 56 years ago, from high school, the boys and girls I set in the same room with for 3 years, I am watching for that innocence.
Most were already not innocent.
When I look at the people who are in the same coaching program with me… I see two innocent people…
What do I mean by innocent?
We could say that someone is not innocent if and when they are guilty. Guilty of what?
Hiding. Hiding something about themselves. Something they don’t want you to see.
And this is where it connects to that declaration above, and this is where it connect to the idea of being trained, or simply learning something.
What you are hiding is in your way and doesn’t allow you to hear and to learn.
It prevents you from emptying your mind and being totally and completely available for the incoming stuff.
I had a conversation with a guy who I consider training.
We had a first meeting. He was very interested in talking. I wanted to talk about the vision he could create for himself, to make his training take her someplace he would like to be. But instead he wanted to prove to me that he was already happy.
The more you want to say while you are being trained the less you get trained.
Why be trained? Because the way you are is not the highest you can be.
I like Mark Twain somewhat inane quip: A cauliflower is nothing but a cabbage with a college education. It is not factually true, but it points to something: you can become more… until you reach your limit.
Notice he didn’t say college degree? He meant: training… or trained.
Unless you can be trained, you are stuck. Most of you are stuck at a 3-year, 6-year old child’s level. How do I know? I can measure it.
Which measure… lol? Many of them, but here are a few:
- 17. how enslaved are you to the Tree of Knowledge? (what percentage of your life is run by memes/untruth?) The more enslaved you are the less new you’ll let in.
- 19. To what degree you have access to your adult capacities. The lower this number is, the younger age you got stuck…
- 20. How teachable/how coachable are you?… this should be obvious
- 24. the percentage of input that gets through to you. again, obvious
- 26. To what degree you honor your emotions as reality? the more you honor your emotions, the less you are trainable
- 28. How much control do you have over your attention? the lower this number the less you are trainable
- 30. Do you have enough energy to do the work? this point has a yes/no answer. Approximately every 20th person tests yes. And those should be the only people I should even consider to train.
- 33. On the flexible-rigid continuum, where are you standing? % rigid. You see, if you are rigid, you can’t change your mind… and most training asks you to change your mind… otherwise you just stay the same. No growth, no nothing.
- 37. Can you let go of self-concern? this is also a yes/no question. If you can’t let go of self-concern, then you can’t shut your mind up, you can’t just get what is being taught, because you are afraid that the hidden will be accidentally revealed.
One of my students had a lucky accident: accidentally she discovered that she is the one who is to blame for the falling apart of one of her relationships…
Now, whether she can change or not, so far, muscletest says she can’t… not that she won’t. For certain soul corrections this is harder than for others.
Her soul correction is 33. She writes:
I did a lot of looking today. This incident created a huge change in my life it made me look and see that it’s me who is the bad one here. I looked hard and saw that I am a liar. I am the gossiper. I am who tries to make myself look good. I looked through my friendship and I am to blame. I lied and he wanted to know if I did. I didn’t keep friendship sacred. It made me clean up my integrity.
It was hard losing my friend. I grew to love him. and when I looked I saw it was my fault. All of a sudden I saw the nasty, pretentious me. And then said the only way is up.
Today I worked on creating new empowering contexts. Here is one I created: I am that doing Sophie’s work. I endeavor make her proud.
Now, it sounds glorious but if you can read between the lines, if you can read closely, she is lying in this email too. She uses a grammatical tense that says: it is done… Having an insight doesn’t translate to a breakthrough, to a done deal.
Telling the truth, having nothing to hide, integrity is a moment to moment thing: if you say ‘I don’t lie’ you just lied.
Humans are born liars (Ian Leslie). It takes vigilance to catch yourself lying and self-correct. Telling the truth about anything is a challenge to everyone, including me.
To the degree you want to protect your self-image, to the degree you want to protect ‘who you are that you are’ for yourself, you can’t be trained.
The student who wrote the email is less than 1% trainable, and the answer to the question: can she let go of her self-concern tests ‘no’.
In the workshop ‘Face the Tiger‘ I ask people to face what they are lying about, what they are hiding.
But don’t be mistaken: it is a lifetime process… can’t be resolved in a puny $39 workshop. The workshop teaches you to realize you are lying.
Every time you ask the question: what am I hiding? what is the tiger I am not facing?
you’ll find something new… Just like in the 3-wishes workshop every time something new ‘nasty’ gets revealed.
I have been doing this, intensely, not just teaching it, but doing it myself, for 35 years. I am still not done.
Yesterday on a coaching call where I was a client, I asked a question that made everyone wince… although I saw some faces of recognition…
It took courage to allow myself to be seen less than brilliant, believe me.
But I am not in this coaching program that is expensive and time consuming to stay the same. To hide. To look good. To fan my ego?
No, I am there, and I am everywhere to weed out the tigers I am not facing, the ‘I am sure I am doing the right thing‘ stuff that is hindering my own growth and the growth of my business.
So looking bad is a cheap price to pay… and I came away from the call with three action items I sure would not have gotten without first looking bad.
Now, if you are a pansy, a Milquetoast, a mush cookie, my courses are not for you. Don’t even try. You’ll hate them.
But if the ambition to become all you can become is stronger than your desire to look good, your desire to be safe, your desire to get something for nothing, then maybe you’ll benefit from my courses.
The Face the Tiger workshop was the 3rd session of The Freedom Courses…
It was three hours long…
Face the Tiger Workshop
