Shall I be a nudnik? One of my coaches has been… urging us to consider that there are only 87 days left from the year… as if I should care…
When I muscletest, Source says that I am a little bit of a nudnik. Really? F…
Nudnik, ugh… that doesn’t sound good, does it? The word somehow rhymes with obnoxious… but it is in the eye of the beholder.
I never had a Yiddische momma, Jewish mother for a mother. I had a mother who didn’t care… other than dutifully. My father cared, but never really expressed.
I don’t know why people marry their polar opposite… !? Baaah.
Anyway, I have the spirit batting its wings inside me… I am the cocoon and the spirit wants to fly. It makes me feel all kinds of different feelings, nostalgia, sadness, yearning for something I don’t know what, doesn’t let me rest. Even when I sleep.
It’s been going on for almost two weeks… it started with me discovering that I am a little sh*t when we look at my actions.
What made it clear is when I said: I have a life I love… and then I muscletested… That, my friend, is also a little sh*t move… after all who has got the right to say if I love my life or not, lol.
Then I asked the second part of the promise I have for people who actually do what I teach: you’ll have a life you love (1) and you’ll live it powerfully (2)
So I asked if I live my life powerfully… and the answer was a resounding no. F….
So, I asked, what would I be doing if I weren’t a little sh*t?
I got my answers… and then the low grade misery began. And the constant banging of spirit’s wings… I never would have considered that I am the prison, I am the cocoon that prevents the spirit from flying.
The difference between you and me is that I look at different places, I ask different questions when I feel miserable. I listen for guidance.
As you know I participated in and with Landmark Education for 26 years. The most impactful programs were the programs where you made collages to look at things differently.
Occasionally what was being taught got through to me too… not much. A sentence or two here and there.
The most impactful was this sequence of sentences, don’t worry if they don’t make any sense, I’ll explain what I got and still getting from it every day.
“You live in a world of your own design
I am empowered by everything you do and say
I am for your empowerment
I am empowered by that.”
This is what allows me to teach, to coach, and feel good about myself.
The secret is allowing you to be where you are, what you do, and then define who I am about you, in relation to you: I am empowered, but not by what you do and say, but by who I am about it. Who I am for you.
I am moved by myself every day. Because I am for your empowerment, whether you get it or not.
And often you don’t. Whenever I say something that disappoints you, you retreat in your shell, and depending on your habitual way of being, you rage against me like you’ve raged against your parents, or just feel bad, hopeless, and suddenly orphaned.
And yet, I can feel good about myself, because I am for your empowerment.
You can be a little sh*t, a little tyrant, a little angry clod of ailments complaining that you don’t get everything you want.
If I didn’t have the vantage point the last two lines give me, I would be miserable, destroyed by every person who hates me, is mad at me, or fails to be grateful for what I do for them.
And yet, the spirit is batting its wings inside me: there is something I am not doing… But what?
Source says: it is something I have never done before. Never? never, says Source.
So how am I going to find out what it is? Patience, says Source. Aha… I say, that patience thing again. It comes and I’ll recognize it. Yes, says Source.
OK, I sigh, this time my chest feels a tad lighter. So I am OK? I ask. No… says Source.
I’ll live… even if it kill me… lol…. now I am really laughing.
There is nothing to do. It will come when it is ready.
I have been ready for a long time.
Want to find out how you stop the spirit from flying yourself?
I have the diagnostic Bach profile… I can muscletest for you.
Find out what you are up against…The second Bach energy, right underneath the complaint, is what you try to be but not successful at.
And the third Bach energy is your linchpin.
Because it takes quite some time for me to sit with a person on this, there is a higher than usual price to get your Bach profile with all three energies.
