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Most people, including coaches, are too wrapped up in their thoughts, in what they want, etc.
They cannot see outside of it… In essence they are locked into the nine dots… the famous exercise.
Here is another one I learned this morning, and I fell into the same nine dots trap…
A father and a son has a car accident. The emergency services take them to different hospitals given their injuries.
The surgeon in the son’s hospital washes in and enters the surgery and suddenly says: I can’t operate on this person. He is my son!
Who is the surgeon.
This is not a puzzle for now… because I want to use it to teach something. I was in the world of father son… so I immediately assumed (the nine dots!) that the surgeon was a male. A person cannot have two fathers, but I could not puzzle it out, that a person has two parents… duh, and therefor the surgeon must be his mother.
I was locked in and locked out. Locked in the father-son angle… locked out of the rest of reality.
This happens all the time, but the difference is: you never find out that you are locked out.
In a coaching relationship, whether you are the coach or the client, at certain point, maybe already when you start, you decide on the “important things”, like who is smarter, who know what, etc.
And then, unbeknownst to you, you are locked in to listen inside those nine dots, and render the coaching relationship ineffective.
Both parties feel it isn’t working, but they don’t know why.
Enter an emotionally intelligent true empath. They can tell what attitude is there, and handle it. Negotiate until it can be changed, or sever the coaching relationship if it can’t.
Every single client I have let go, had to go for this reason.
You cannot get the work done: guide the client to do what they need to do so they can have what they want…
Ultimately this is the task of the coach, to successfully make the client do what they need to do so they can have what they want. What they actually say they want.
Of course there is the phenomenon of undeclared commitment… But a skilled empath has already weeded out either the undeclared commitment or weeded out the client.
Words, nice words, harsh words, any words don’t fool a true empath… while those same words fool most everybody else.
I participated in Landmark Education, and had dozens of course leaders, dozens of coaches in my 26 years participating in all kinds of positions there.
And I watched, and even coached thousands of participants and some leaders there as well… If people said the ‘right words’ they could fool anyone.
This topic came up because in the new course “Cause your own growth” you are asked to grow yourself through some project, business or otherwise, and some students fancy themselves good at that. So they listen differently than let’s say in the Playground, where it’s all about the ‘invisible’, the underlying, while in the new course, at least on the surface, it is all about a business or a project.
But, of course, nothing is further from the truth.
It is always about the invisible.
In 2006, I think, maybe 2007, I had a few coaching sessions with a Kabbalistic coach. His whole emphasis was on the seed level, and on creating a seed level that is desire to receive for the sake of sharing… i.e. not just for oneself, whether it’s money, fortune, fame, or significance.
It was the hardest concept to wrap my brain around.
There are businesses that are all about the business or the person who has it. About what they want, how they want it, etc.
And then there are businesses that are all about the buyer, the customer, and none about the owner.
You can safely replace the word ‘business’ with yourself, and you’ll be immediately be able to see the difficulty.
But this is also true in any transactional relationship, including coaching.
Either it’s all about you, and you may begrudgingly allow the other person to have some benefits, like your money, if you are the client, or your wisdom, if you are the coach.
But either way: the seed level of the relationship is unhealthy. It is against the laws of nature. You need to be Self-ish, and you need to be generous at the same time.
Wicked difficult, not mentioning the fact that it is counter-cultural.
And it is all in the invisible… the seed level that decides what kind of tree grows out of it… poisonous or healthy, with long years to give shade, fruits, oxygen, etc. to Life.
The trend, in the world, is to do everything, politics, relationships, business to serve only a narrow interest: desire to receive for the self alone.
For example: Facebook used to be ‘desire to receive for the sake of sharing’. I didn’t watch it closely, but it has morphed into ‘desire to receive for the self alone’…
Religions, political groups, political parties, countries are all moving to ‘desire to receive for the self alone’
But at least in my coaching programs I hold the rein tightly and remove it the moment I notice it.
Obviously only a very small percentage of my blog’s readers are even interested in a life that is in alignment with Life… The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t… the ones that aren’t interested enough to act on it settle for a life of quiet desperation.
Empty, meaningless, going nowhere fast… or slowly. But most lives are going nowhere unless a new meaning is breathed into them…
When you look, my work is to help you breathe new meaning into your life. Into your projects. Into your business, if you have one.
Without meaning people die as if they never lived.
Without meaning YOU’LL die as if never lived.
That is most people. I endeavor changing that for the few who volunteer to put themselves into my hands.
There were a lot of thank-you’s after our first session, but one touched me most. The student said: “I have an MBA… but in all those years no one talked about the things you have talked, Sophie”
And that is my point. No one I know attends to the foundation, the seed level, the DNA of your projects and businesses, expecting them to work regardless.
But just like people, what is under the hood decides how far you can go, how high you can go.
In the feelings course I taught how to feel your feelings. In the upcoming new session I teach how to know what emotion you create with your words and how to create yourself with your words so that what you feel is what you want to feel.
Go to step 2And until next Monday midnight you can get a discount. Use coupon code FEELINGS at the checkout
